I really can't think of a worse way.

She knows, now.  The wife, that is.  It all seems inevitable, of course.  The chronic writing, she saw something in a notebook.  The circumstances are tragic but not relevant.

But now she knows.  We talked for hours about my motivation and its late-showing in me.  She assured me that she would not leave me.

And it is going to work.  At least I hope so.  She was depressed for a while, and now we're better.  Today was the first day I came home to her not almost in tears.  It's OK when I get home and am able to comfort and talk to her, but when she's alone, then the feelings and thoughts come back to her.  We talked and I promised not to wear anything of hers and she promised to help me dress more androgynously (though she fell short of helping me dress in full femme mode). 

There was a misunderstanding in terms.  I told her that I was not a transsexual, but she didn't hear the "not" in that sentence.  The gender thing isn't in that place for me right now.  Regardless of what else we discussed in those hours, they were all focused that way.  We only cleared that up recently.  What a horrible thing to per her through.

I think it's going to be OK.  We still talk late into every night now, like we used to, and that means a lot to both of us.  I have been in a deep depression lately, and I need her more than ever. 

I don't know how often I'll come back here.  I'll lurk and respond rarely.  I know this isn't over, and I'll help when I can those who are working on their journey, and I may come here in search of that, too.  But a big part of her hurt was I was talking about her and her accepting this to my counselor.

Got to go!

God luck woth that Beatrix.

Well all now how important relationships to those close to us are.

Alice

That's so great to hear, Beatrix.  I understand your fears as most of us here have been in similar situations.  I am just very glad that your wife seems to be a very understanding person; that is always a good thing.


tinkerbell

I can't really give any advice that you don't seem to have already heeded.....

While the initial shock of your wife finding out was obviously traumatic for her, in the long term I think that it's best for both of you.  I think the very best medicine right now is continuing those long talks.  As long as you both feel open to discuss your real feelings you will be far ahead of a lot of couples.

Take it slow and just remember whether it's crossdressing or being transsexual if you have a partner then they also must transition in thier own way along with you.


It seems that your wife is pretty special....I hope things only get better for you both

Hi Beatrix,

I am glad everything appearsto have turned out OK.

It is great when you read these posts where a supportive partner emerges out of the fear of what we are.

Buffy

Quote from: beatrix on September 21, 2006, 07:50:46 PM
I really can't think of a worse way.

She knows, now.  The wife, that is.  It all seems inevitable, of course.  The chronic writing, she saw something in a notebook.  The circumstances are tragic but not relevant.

But now she knows.  We talked for hours about my motivation and its late-showing in me.  She assured me that she would not leave me.

Yes wish you had a chance to tell her in the way you were planning or considering doing at your own time.

Quote
And it is going to work.  At least I hope so.  She was depressed for a while, and now we're better.  Today was the first day I came home to her not almost in tears.  It's OK when I get home and am able to comfort and talk to her, but when she's alone, then the feelings and thoughts come back to her.  We talked and I promised not to wear anything of hers and she promised to help me dress more androgynously (though she fell short of helping me dress in full femme mode). 

There was a misunderstanding in terms.  I told her that I was not a transsexual, but she didn't hear the "not" in that sentence.  The gender thing isn't in that place for me right now.  Regardless of what else we discussed in those hours, they were all focused that way.  We only cleared that up recently.  What a horrible thing to per her through.

Hard part is probably going to be being honest and truthful of what you want and not sneaking behind her back and betraying any trust, yet having her not get sick of it. And keeping any boundaries that you make.

Quote
I think it's going to be OK.  We still talk late into every night now, like we used to, and that means a lot to both of us.  I have been in a deep depression lately, and I need her more than ever. 

I don't know how often I'll come back here.  I'll lurk and respond rarely.  I know this isn't over, and I'll help when I can those who are working on their journey, and I may come here in search of that, too.  But a big part of her hurt was I was talking about her and her accepting this to my counselor.

Got to go!

I understand how important you family and relationship is. Take care of what you value most first.

Hoping for the best to you Beatrix,

Ken/Kendra