Howdy Murof !
I'm in the same boat as you find yourself in .... certainly not by choice... and believe me I thought of knocking some sense into my kid with my bare hands and would have it it would have cured the problem.... but you know deep down that is not the answer ! all that sort of thing would do is drive them away.... if you Love your child as we do You have to trust them ... trust them that they know what they are doing ! .... Believe me this is not easy... but look at it this way Dad.... he's not a little boy anymore, you did your part in raising him.... your JOB of raising him is over ! with the spankings, scoldings and groundings , their all done... hes big enough to make up his own mind.... And good or bad he has ... You have to accept that ! ... I know its hard, its the hardest thing i have ever done... I keep thinking what did I do wrong? where did i mess up in his up-bringing to make him turn out like this
? But I KNOW now, that i didn't mess up... infact, because of his Up-bringing, is probly the only thing that has kept him alive up to this point....
yes its that serious ! with out our support as parents my Kid would probly be dead now.. Keep that in mind when you get mad ! YOU MUST ! because its the love you have that will get him through this ! ... I can't think of anything worse than this for my Kid .. to be quite frank... I'ed much rather he be happy ,marry ,have grand kids and we all live happly ever after... but its NOT my desigon to make... its not MY LIFE to control any longer... I can only advise, and love and incurrage now.... ...
I had a good long talk with my Kid.... and discovered that He/She Knew well what she was in for... and it was that or die trying... what can you do then ? Accept it and help them all you can because you may change their mind and make them miserable human-beings
and you might be happy, but they would not be.... above all I want my Kid happy... life is mean enough as it is without any help.... I want my child to be happy !
... thats the driveing factor ! her happyness how ever weird it may sound to me means she will become a woman... so yes I will loose a son and gain a daughter...in a sense, but I won't actually loose my son because he is still in there !, the kid I raised, the kid I am so very proud of will never be gone... just because parts change and starts doing girl things ! ...wareing dresses and all that stuff... she's still my Kid !
Think for a second that your child is smart, not about the ways of the world but about knowing himself.... down deep .... its not a question of Well, I guess he likes girls too much and wants to be one ... its not like that at all... its well, I'm not realy a man, though I have the parts for the job, I feel like a woman in sheeps clothing, i think like a woman , all my actions say I am a woman... there for I must be a woman ! ...
You and I can explain that away fairly easy, but they cannot because it "RINGS TRUE" to their hart... they Know beyond the shadow of a doubt in most cases that THIS is the answer... the reason they have been so darn miserable all their lives ! they feel it in their bones ... they "KNOW" it to be true.... and buddy when you get that kind of convivtion you cannot sway them one way or the other if life depended on it ! ....
.... Do you think for one minute that your Loveing child would do this to you, put you through this kind of torement out of spite or being vindictive ?... They Know its not easy, but they MUST do it , their LIVES depend on it , quite litterally !
from their point of view , it shouldn't be that hard for a parent to understand, after all , they love me , and this is the right thing to do, how can it be that hard to accept ? Its not their fault , I've told them that time and time again , but they can't accept it.... why ?
.... because its so darn hard !
.....
Let me tell you this , its Not easy, but its YOUR problem not your Kids ! You are the one having truble with this , not your kid.... infact your kid is looking foward to it !
while you are saying , ummm don't you want to reconsider? ,don't you think you might be doing this a bit hastily ? ... we as parents want to make sure they don't mess up their lives completely, while they finally see hope, light at the end of the tunnel...
Talk to your kid... its not easy, but make sure its no game and when you are sure that they understand what their doing is what they want ... then you can accept it easily
....
My life up to this point was spent pokeing fun at the queers, the Trans croud, the hippies, the frutes....my answer was their realy sick.... their wires are all messed up inside their heads... their strange....
Now I understand a bit more than I used to .... its not by choice for a transexual.
yes their sick, desperately so... but there is a cure....
Transexualism is not a preversion. its simply the wrong sex mind for the body they find themselves in . Phsycal operations can fix the body to be inline to what the mind thinks it should be..... and if your Kid wants this above all else... whats wrong with that ?
hes still your Kid ! he still loves you ! your still Dad.... so whats the problem ?
....
You need to quit worrying about what grandma will say, or what uncle john will say, or what the boys at work will say and think "F'em if they can't take a joke !" this whole thing is the Kids idea Not yours, your an inocent bystander... if they want to shunn away from you for that then good riddance !
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Believe Your Child ! they arn't stupid ! they know they will need all the help they can get to get through this alive.... and they are right ! be there for your child.
its a hard road for the both of you... but you can do it, and your Kid can have a life thats worth liveing.
....
I have accepted my Sons desire to be a woman, I wish it was otherwize, because its extreamily hard on him/her.... but I want my Kid to be happy and I'll do anything i have to to make that come about !
...in many ways it would be easier if it was a leg cut off or in a car acident and bed ridden.... but that is selfish and I'm only thinking of myself when I think thoughts like that... so don't think things like that because they surve no purpose !
think positive.... we will get through this TOGATHER ! it will be rough but we will make it .
fight the urge to kick your kid out or dissown them... all that does is add more pain.
when it is pain that drove them to where they are in the first place. time to start healing... help all you can , regain the love you've lost, or could loose so easily.
....
So Yes.... been there done that.... still doing that actually.... and I still wouldn't trade my kid for love nor money ! <GRIN> after all he/she is MY KID !
.......
Bob......
