I'm curious about the stories of people who's family took the news of you being transgender bad. I know it seems many people's family took the news good, O.K., so-so or at least didn't freak completely out- but I know there has to be some out there.

I was going to tell my family during the New Year, but due to a series of bad events within the family I'm holding off on it for awhile. I think it would just be too much for everyone right now with the other things going on. I do this because I respect my family but also hope for their eventual acceptance and support.

The problem itself is my family. I know we never know how someone will handle the news, but I can tell you already what my family's reaction will be. Bad. Very bad. There's a very good chance I might be disowned by them- especially my father and stepmom. I love my family very much, but I need to transition. I hate the thought of losing them and will miss them very much, but this is something I have to do. That's a big reason why I haven't told them yet, because telling them will be losing them.

So I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for probably the worst storm in my life. I'd like to here from people who had bad experiences in this- at least for awhile. How did you get the nerve and strength to tell them? How did you react? How did you cope? What is life like for you now.

I'm interested in hearing any experience anyone has. Even if at one point the family was terrible about it but have come around I'd like to hear it. I foresee some dark times ahead. I'm just looking for a flashlight.

While most of my family took it well I have one brother who did not. At this point I do not believe I will ever see or speak to him again. There is no way to convince him that I am the same person and not a nut job, because that is what he believes and refuses to think otherwise. I have tried to please people for far too long so I just wrote it off as a loss. I know it is hard to lose family but it is also hard to lose or give up who you are for them, so in the end I chose myself.
Good Luck
Myles

The only bad reaction I've had is from my stupid brother. The moron constantly uses my birthname and male pronouns. I try to just blow it off since he is a pathetic drop-out loser that still lives with my dad at the age of 22 and doesn't work.

While I haven't officially come out to anyone in my family, my mom somehow got wind of a 'rumor' that I was telling my friends to call me by a male name. She freaked out, called me a disgusting waste and disowned me ._.; Not...the best reaction but I'm just glad it didn't get violent. I didn't bother telling her the whole thing either. I just moved on and moved in with my grandmother which is where I currently am. This wasn't that long ago either xD; Maybe...3-4 weeks ago?

When it's come up, most folks have taken it in stride, but I do have at least one noteworthy response from my mother.

For a little background, my mother is a conservative Christian living in The South who has been a stay-at-home mom for almost thirty years. She had seven children, most of whom were born at home (no we weren't Catholic) and volunteered at a pregnancy care center for some odd years. Needless to say this woman has relied on her female body for most of her life's work.

When I told her of my intent to transition from my biological sex (female) to my inner gender (male), it didn't quite compute - even though I'd been binding for over a year [living at home] and even had discussed top surgery with her before. It either didn't compute or she was just in straight up denial. About a month after the initial discussion with my parents, I was confiding in her about some issues related to being transgendered and her response - honest to god (pun intended) - was, "I think you may be oppressed by spiritual demons". 

Yeah.

So my mom thinks that the person I am - the person I have always been - is some kind of demon oppressing her little girl (thanks mom). I know I should be thankful that I haven't been kicked out of the house yet, disowned or worse. But in one of my weaker moments as I was pouring out some of my most tender fears - at the verge of tears - she says that and goes on to say that all these things about Christianity, and how God would want my body to be the correct sex, and all this stuff that became incoherent as I started crying and sniveling. That was the worst part. It wasn't that it I was all unnerved, but for some reason I couldn't regain my composure.

Now she basically refuses to talk if I bring anything up about transitioning, the most I've gotten out of her is, "I think we should wait until we talk with the councilor (whom we have been waiting to see since early December)".

Needless to say not the most favorable reaction, but I just keep reminding myself that it could have been much, much worse.

When I came out over 20 years ago, I had a mixed reaction. My Mom and Dad were upset but supported me. However all my siblings (one older sister and two younger brothers) were hostile and unsupportive. I'm sad to say that I haven't seen any of them since and they've written me off. I may as well be dead as far as they are concerned.
Mom and Dad are still great and treat me like their daughter.
Some people are lucky and keep their families with them, but it wasn't to be for me.
The best reaction was from a girlfriend in my office who was brilliant at that time and just never made any mistakes with old names or pronouns. She just treated me like one of the girls. Sad though that a work friend could be so accepting, but yet my own family members could not

You never know, even with people who are initially supportive.

I have a long-time friend who I was very close to, who was supportive. Even before transition we were kind of drifting apart, but still in touch.  We still send each other articles of interest, humor, and the like.  Well I sent her an article on a transphobe and she sent me a not-so-nice reply.  Ouch.

So yeah.  You never know with people.  For the most part I have been pleasantly surprised.


Jay

Quote from: Eli on January 22, 2010, 12:00:00 AM
- she says that and goes on to say that all these things about Christianity, and how God would want my body to be the correct sex, and all this stuff that became incoherent as I started crying and sniveling. .

With respect for you mom, how does she know that?

My family had indications that something was wrong right from childhood - heck the whole town did! By puberty I was starting to rebel against 'my assigned sex' but it was like 1961 and nobody knew anything about this stuff and there wasn't even a term for it. My adopted Dad didn't do too bad with it - he wasn't blind - but my adopted Mum was a sociopath (honestly, no comprehension that others had feelings) and she fought it every step of the way. When I was 15 (1964) she took me to the county shrink who pronounced me homosexual (because I was attracted to boys) and Mum was okay with that - go figger!. A couple of years later I had been to see Dr. Benjamin in New York and found one of the first 'gender clinics' back home in Ontario - both pronounced me transsexual - but my Mum wasn't okay with that - they were quacks. My body was producing some natural oestrogen after puberty but my Mum ignored my developing bosom, ignored the fact that I was dressing more and more GIRL whenever I was going out, and just turned a blind eye to everything - total denial!

By my early 20's I was suicidal. I was on HRT but there was no SRS being done and my days were numbered. Very early in 1974, I found out about Dr. Biber in Colorado and he agreed to see me. I told my Mum that I HAD to have surgery, that I was suicidal and it was the only way. She said "It would be better if you killed yourself!".  I was told never to have any contact with family again and no one from my home town. For 24 years of living, I left with only a suitcase (and a bank draft). I was disowned and totally alone in the world. (Meanwhile, as I learned years later, my Mum was telling everyone that I disowned the family and never wanted to hear from anyone in town again, including my sister! She never told anyone the truth about what was going on.)

It should have been hard, painful, walking away from everyone and everything that was familiar but in some ways it was the best thing that ever happened in my life. I got away from my Mum's constant put-downs and belittling. I had surgery and started a new life in a new city, made lots of friends, and had the chance to grow and develop as a person. I had the freedom to become who I was meant to be and I was ever so pleased to find that I was WAY more as a person than I had ever dreamed possible.

I only saw my parents twice after I left home, both times under the protection of my husband (who wouldn't brook any BS from my Mum). I could tell my Dad was proud of who I had become and he was happy that I was happy and living the life I knew I was destined to lead (he had told me at 16 that he knew I would have to leave to live my own life) and although my Mum was civil, she was very superficial and cool about it all. I was glad my husband persuaded me to visit home because it was the last time I saw my Dad. (When my father passed away years later, I was not told until after the funeral - my Mum didn't want me coming home.)

I had wanted to reconnect with my sister but she had remarried and moved and my Mum would never tell me her married name or where she was living but about 15 years ago my sister secretly got into our Mum's address book and got my number - that's when we BOTH found out about Mum's lies - she was telling my sister I didn't want her to contact me and telling me that my sister wanted nothing to do with me. I have since reconnected with a number of my childhood friends (via the Internet) and found out that pretty much everybody knew what happened to me (despite Mum's lies) and I have renewed my friendship with many of them. I am just sorry I waited so long before reaching out to them.

There are two types of people in this world: those who accept you and are glad to have you as a friend and those who will only bring you down. Some of each may be family. Family shouldn't "cost you", they should make your life better. Surround yourself with those people, the ones who enhance your life.