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As a spouse

Started by cynthialee, February 06, 2010, 10:36:59 PM

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cynthialee

Not only am I a transsexual, my wife also suffers from GID/GD.
Tonight I got to sit back and watch this demon tear into my mate. Watching dysphoria and angst ripe your soul mate apart is very much worse than going through it yourself. At least it is for me.
Just wanted to remind any of you who live with loved ones that it is hard on them too watch someone they care for suffer so harshly.
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'
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Janet_Girl

But unlike a spouse who does not get to share the pain, you two can relate to each other in a way no one of the rest of the world can.  Hold him and tell him you above everyone else can understand,  If my wife had done that, we might still be together.
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spacial

I married a woman with similar problems to mine but added social complications.

I really, really count us both incredably lucky.

I don't want to appear unsympathetic to you and your wife, but you really both need to think this through. The plus side of such a rare occurance is unmissable.
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K8

I always found my spouse's suffereing to be much harder to take than my own.

Perhaps you have the opportunity to understand what each other is going through.  Still, it is hard to watch someone you love in pain.

Hang in there, dear.

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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Myself

My boyfriend is awesome in supporting :)
Love him :3
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spacial

Agreed K8.

But I found that happens whatever the problem.

I know, when I first met her, I wasn't looking for any relationships. But this one was so very different.

I thought about leaving. I imagined how I would feel and knew it would punch me in the teeth. But when I thought about how it would make her feel, that was intolerable.

So, reader, I married her.

I had a number of serious plans, some of which had to be put on hold for many years, others which had to be dropped.

I really think that is the big draw back of being insanely in love with someone. You share everything, including pain.

And someone once said love is wonderful!!!!  ;D

(Actually, it is. It's so good that these problems are insignificant by comparison).

What I'm trying to say is that, with mutual experience comes mutual support.

My wife can never resolve her issues. She comes from Africa where such things are just not done.

There is a lot of misunderstanding about the culture in Africa, especially some parts. But the reality is, their culture is just diferent and they approach things very differently.

So, we have approached our situation by developing our relationship the way we feel. It is by most measures, unconventional.

This isn't a perscription for you or anyone else. I have to be honest, both of us has regrets.

I'm saying though, that what we have and what you have is very rare. A point of mutual understanding.

I'm suggesting you try to use it rather than see it as a problem.

I'm pointing out, that, in the privacy of your own home, you can both be the people you are.
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