Hi All,
I've probably had one of the hardest day of my life so far, I went to my doctors today to see what he could do for me (GIC referal) to help me start the life i have always wanted and it was good news. He said to me that he had refered it to whoever you refer what i have asked for and they have said that they are willing to arrange an appointment with a counceler. He basically said that he didnt think they would because he said that women who want things like breast correction surgery etc always get knocked back so Im feeling really lucky. He said that i would recieve a letter with an appointment date,I was absolutly chuffed when i walked out, at last i feel like i am doing what i should of done years ago.

I thought that was the hardest thing i have done and nearly didnt go with fear of rejection but that turned out to be just nerves. I'm so glad i did.

The strangest thing though is that there is a saying that when something good happens life balances it out with something bad happening. Me and my SO have been going through difficult times lately in fact it probably been a couple of years now but when i got home after the docs we had an argument, well not quite and argument it was more like "i dont know why you still live with me anymore" to which i replied well as soon as i get my wages i wont be which made her leave me. I'm not even sure if she will come back but i am the one with the kids to look after. I dont know whether to laugh or cry. I suppose it might be a blessing in disguise because i would of have to of left her anyway because she just wouldnt understand what i am feeling at the moment and what i want to be. Its just that it has brought things closer than before now because there is nothing holding me back. I suppose i should be happy but i'm not in fact i dont know what i'm feeling at the moment anyway i suppose i better get used to upsetting moments, its all part of the course i think..... sorry about this but i just had to tell someone how i'm feeling at the moment.

Vrony 

Vrony,
Congratulations on your appointment and I'm sorry about your problems with your wife.  This is a real mixed bag of ups and downs.  It does get easier as you go along, but the ups and downs will continue with gradually more ups than downs.  (It doesn't have to be in strict balance.)

I found that many of the barriers I encountered were ones I had erected myself - fear, worry, timidity, etc.

I wish you luck on this journey.

- Kate

I'm so sorry to hear how things went for you. Maybe being on your own for a while will help you get life on track the way you feel it needs to be.

I think K8 was spot on about barriers. Good food for thought.

I think i'm gonna need as much luck as i can get. Its weired how so much can change in one day, i suppose i should look at it this way at least with me and my SO going seperate ways it means that the real me can spend more time in the open. When my SO comes back and i move on i will have more time to myself and be able to maybe even go out dressed like i should be, that will be scary, thanks for your support its nice to know someone is there for me,i think i would go mad if there wasnt


vrony

I don't know how it is there, but here if she doesn't come back after a while it is called abandonment, regardless of who it is.  And leaving you with the kids is a bad thing on her part.

But the bad is off set by the good.  You made your appointment and now you just need to wait for the next one.  And then the doors begin to open.  All you have to do is walk through them.

Right now i feel like running through them headfirst i just didnt expect her to walk out on me, i hope she doesnt leave for too long because i feel it is her place to be here, my mum left us when i was 7 years old and even though my dad did an incredible job bringing me and my sister up you still miss having a mother figure around.  Anyway it had to happen and probably sooner rather than later. Thanks for the advice and support. (maybe i'll become a mother LOL)
nice to hear from you Janet, i'll work that messenger thing out one day.

vrony   

But at least the kids will have a father figure and a mother figure of sorts, in you.  So they have someone who will someone who loves them and will be there for them.  And they will not care how you dress or present yourself.