Well, I used to be a very "cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat" type of person. I was like that all the way up until I became homeless and something clicked in me that went, "oh, ->-bleeped-<-, I give up, I don't care anymore, I have to be strong to get through this ->-bleeped-<- alive and I'm sick of being the one people have to take care of and worry about". Wow that was a long sentence. Anyhow. It wasn't really a conscious thing. As hard as I tried before this to change myself, it didn't work. It was more my circumstances that made me different. I guess you could just try seeing it as...I want to be the strong one. I have to pull myself together. You're not weak if you cry though. Just may get looked at funny by other guys. Now that I'm like this...I can't really break down. I don't often. If I do...it's just a momentary thing that I do alone or in a rageful breakdown instead of crying.

Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on March 17, 2010, 10:34:34 AM
Well, I used to be a very "cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat" type of person. I was like that all the way up until I became homeless and something clicked in me that went, "oh, ->-bleeped-<-, I give up, I don't care anymore, I have to be strong to get through this ->-bleeped-<- alive and I'm sick of being the one people have to take care of and worry about". Wow that was a long sentence. Anyhow. It wasn't really a conscious thing. As hard as I tried before this to change myself, it didn't work. It was more my circumstances that made me different. I guess you could just try seeing it as...I want to be the strong one. I have to pull myself together. You're not weak if you cry though. Just may get looked at funny by other guys. Now that I'm like this...I can't really break down. I don't often. If I do...it's just a momentary thing that I do alone or in a rageful breakdown instead of crying.

Don't you just hate that, though? You try so hard to change but it just has to be that special circumstance that finally gets you to change.

Quote from: Miniar on March 17, 2010, 08:43:44 AM
Learn to recognize when it bubbles up, remove yourself if at all possible, do some breathing exercises (basic meditation) to clear the head, return.
Learn to look at your emotional reaction from a logical standpoint. As in, instead of being all "rawr! I'z angry" go "wait, why exactly do I feel angry and is that emotion warrented here". It can distract you from the emotional bits and lessen them, and also, it reduces the times you get all emotional as there are things we often over-react to, and realizing were overreacting can help us stop doing it.

The logic thing never worked for me. I always knew I was being ridiculous, and I'd stand there and blubber "please ignore me crying, this is stupid, there's no reason for me to act this way" and half the time I'd even start laughing at myself, but the physical reaction wouldn't stop. I really just had to avoid things that stimulated strong emotions, because my brain couldn't override them. Actually, feeling stupid and ridiculous and embarrassed probably made it worse.

Yeah...I relate to you more than I'd like to understand. I used to NEVER be able to face strong emotions...then BAM...I crave them now. I learned how to be happy when life is complete ->-bleeped-<-. The bad thing is, now that I'm the stong one I don't really have anyone to break down to. I don't even want to. There are times when I wish I had someone I trusted enough to see me break down...like last night...something brought back memories of some past events and I went outside, cried for a minute, then went righ back into the bar like nothing happened. I've become good at acting ok when I'm not. It's a learned art. Keep your chin up, keep fighting. You'll get it.

Quote from: kyril on March 17, 2010, 11:35:48 AM
The logic thing never worked for me. I always knew I was being ridiculous, and I'd stand there and blubber "please ignore me crying, this is stupid, there's no reason for me to act this way" and half the time I'd even start laughing at myself, but the physical reaction wouldn't stop. I really just had to avoid things that stimulated strong emotions, because my brain couldn't override them. Actually, feeling stupid and ridiculous and embarrassed probably made it worse.

The logic doesn't help during the crying, it helps to prevent future crying as our emotions adjust.

I feel ya.  Well, I don't really cry when I get mad, but I cry when I get really happy, and that'd even more annoying.  Lots of guys cry when they're upset, but not too many cry when they're happy-- that's a very female thing.  I hate it.  I hate watching movies, even if they're good movies, because they all have those happy scenes where I inevitably start tearing up.  Blech.

I think guys can cry quite a bit too but not as long as girls and not in front of others.
I think guys crying converts into very quickly

Quote from: Nimetön on March 16, 2010, 09:04:21 PM
One possibility: when I was a teenager, if I thought I'd lose control of my emotions, I generally caused myself some level of physical pain.  It seemed to help.

Em. You mean like cutting?

Quote from: Myself on March 17, 2010, 03:04:19 AM
Do some martial arts that can help you focus your emotions!
[...]
P.S. Scratching pillows is so much less painful than hitting trees !!!

I actually am in a karate class. There's only one a week for my level, and I really need two or three times a week to be able to blow off everything.

And pillows give in too easily  it's like punching air.

Quote from: CindyJames on March 17, 2010, 03:33:52 AM
My psych suggested the same excercises as for anxiety attacks. Deep breathing through the mouth and exale through the nose. Repeat several times.
[...]
BTW you will need to get an understanding of your anger. In female ID you may get away with it, once you are in male ID it can lead to typical male behaviour; violence. And most Y chromo-guys are likely to be bigger and more muscular and experienced in violence than you are.

That actually might help. Seems to work with anxiety, never considered it might help temper outburts.

I'd argue experienced though. Genetics don't equate knowledge of how to block a blow, which I am quite good at.

Quote from: insanitylives on March 17, 2010, 06:19:27 PM
Em. You mean like cutting?

No, just grip your keys tightly in your palm, thus providing yourself a distraction from petty emotions.  Nod, listen, breathe very slowly, avoid eye contact, keep your mouth shut until asked for a response, say no more than is needed, and try to put off the conversation to another time.  When you are older, you won't need to do this to keep control.

If you are angry enough to draw blood with a set of car keys, psychiatric care may be in order.

- N

Quote from: Nimetön on March 17, 2010, 06:32:08 PM
No, just grip your keys tightly in your palm, thus providing yourself a distraction from petty emotions.  Nod, listen, breathe very slowly, avoid eye contact, keep your mouth shut until asked for a response, say no more than is needed, and try to put off the conversation to another time.  When you are older, you won't need to do this to keep control.

If you are angry enough to draw blood with a set of car keys, psychiatric care may be in order.

- M

Oh, okay. Makes sense.  thanks