Hi Myka, welcome to the forums! If you look back at some of the previous posts, we have all been lonely to the point of no return and have managed to survive. If I hadn't struggled and found this place-this is my home and refuge and I enjoy my time here. I have recieved much needed reassurance and advice for dealing with my gender issues and relating with my family-has not been easy. I have also found much help in dealing with fears -- in general.

We are family here and if one suffers we all suffer. You are not alone!!!

Randi

Quote from: lilacwoman on January 08, 2010, 03:27:25 PM
MyKa
make it simple for us please?  Are you working and living in female mode or just dreaming about it?
You say you're getting im[pressive breast development and are a lesbian but haven't dated since the ex left and won't accept dates that folk line up for you? But according to that the only romance and sex you know is as a hetero guy.  Which gives the impression that heterosexuality translates straight onto lesbianism which it don't.
Luckily for you a lot of lesbians do get turned on by pre-ops so ther's no reason to be short of a partner.  Put some gladrags on and go sy=trut your stuff in the nearest LGBT bar and see how it feels.
You haven't told the family yet but one day you are hoping to go waltzing into a family gathering with a lesbian on your arm. I'm inclined to think you need to get a backbone and go show them how happy you are to be transitioning.
You're confusing everyone.

Who am i confusing, you? At this point no i do not go to work as female because i have to wear a uniform(male and female same appearance), outside of work i just wear what is comfortable. Nothing that yells out male or female, i do like the tight jeans though for my ass is getting bigger .  As for the dating scene i feel at this point there is no need to be dating anybody, why? Friends setting me up on dates right now i think would just be a disaster. As for the x she was bi and our sex was never hetro, i miss my big pink strap-on more than anything!!!!!!The family thing will be the hardest and if i walked in there with a girlfriend how the hell are they going to know if she is a lesbian or not. I started this thread for help and not to argue with anybody, if you think i'm b.s.ing you or anybody else you are wrong. As for some i guess the comimg out part was not so hard, but for me i have alot at stake and just trying to do it the right way. My therapist calls it blending in, i'm slowing getting there i hope!!!!!!!

Seeing you have mentioned your therapist will answer a question for some of us. Please do not take offense so quickly to posts. Yes it does sound like you are geting there. Just be yourself.

Randi

I'm sorry!!!!!

I am married to a great woman who tries to understand but it is difficult for her so I don't tell her everything. I do tell my therapist everything.

Randi

Thank you, MyKa, for bringing up an important issue - who to tell, and how, when you are still unclear yourself. I think Lilacwoman had good questions too, although she could have been more empathic. I am sure your situation is different from mine in many ways, but I share confusion and anxiety with you.

I am still confused about where and how far I am going from overt genetic male to androgynous gender-queer or to overt female. I am experimenting. I sometimes wear women's pants and tops with my hair down. At the LA Gay and Lesbian Center while going to the trans support group, I ran into a lesbian couple I know from my professional life. I chose to go up to them, but beyond "hi" I did not know what to say. So I said nothing but "thanks" when they said I looked nice. I want to date men also but as what I am not sure. Transwoman-very-pre-everything or feminine man? Makes it hard to date - this not being sure who I am. It was simpler to stay in my male personna box. Depressing, and simple. So no dates yet. Lots of shopping.

If I were in your situation I would tell everyone I had contact with. Be casual about it as if it is no big deal. You will find out who your friends are quickly. It is nice to be validated and liked by others but you need to be comfortable with yourself.

Give me an F for my homework assignment. My therapist wanted me to go to a monthly meeting with others in the lgbt community this month and i didn't go. Thought about it all week and got scared at the last minute.  >:(oh well, next month!!!

every time we miss or chicken out of any suggested meeting it earns us a black mark in the therapists books.  They they throw them back in our faces by saying that it means we can't face living in what we say is our true sex role.
A transitioner just has to face all the crap and get used to it or else stay in the closet.
I'm still reading your posts as day dreaming and hoping the Fairy Godmother will sprinkle you and your life with woman dust....but you are your own FG.

Someone in my city had what I think was a wonderful idea.  She started a Meetup group for people who think themselves eccentric and have a hard time making friends.  One of the conditions of membership was a tolerance for others who are different.

I was upfront with her about my status, and she welcomed me with open arms.  All of the members I've met  - male and female - have been just as accepting, and I've made some good friends as a result.

Im heading to my first monthly meeting tonight. Nervous, but at the same time ready to start meeting other people. I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!!

Quote from: MyKa on March 27, 2010, 04:43:07 PM
Im heading to my first monthly meeting tonight. Nervous, but at the same time ready to start meeting other people. I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!!

Any step forward is a good one.  I'm sure you won't regret it. 

Enjoy!

It is very hard to reveal your true self, but you will learn how to do it.  Some of us can do it quickly and some take a long time.  Do it at your own pace.  What worked for me may not work for you.  Just relax and do it as you feel you can.

Quote from: MyKa on March 27, 2010, 04:43:07 PM
Im heading to my first monthly meeting tonight. Nervous, but at the same time ready to start meeting other people. I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!!

Good luck, MyKa!  Please let us know how it went.

- Kate

Sorry i havent been around, what a terrible night that turned out to be and it was all my fault. I thought i knew the hotel were they usually rent the space for the meeting, wow was i wrong. I went to 2 different hotels asking where their meeting rooms were with no success. I lived within 15 minutes from where they met so i went home and tried to call for some directions, nothing. Well the next day i had a phone call from one of the girls who attended  and we exchanged #'s and e-mails so there is no excuses for not going next month.

  I don't know how everybody else feels about their endo but i love mine. He is a great doctor who makes me feel so comfortable talking to him about this whole process.

I've done what you described - thinking I know where to go and then going crazy because it isn't right.  Sometimes I think it means that I wasn't ready to go there yet.  But now you have a connection with another gal, so next month should be easier.  Don't worry about it. 

This isn't something that everyone knows how to do except you - far from it.  We're all just stumbling along, trying to figure out what to do.  Good luck, dear.  And good news about your endo!

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on April 01, 2010, 07:28:18 AM
I've done what you described - thinking I know where to go and then going crazy because it isn't right.  Sometimes I think it means that I wasn't ready to go there yet.  But now you have a connection with another gal, so next month should be easier.  Don't worry about it. 

This isn't something that everyone knows how to do except you - far from it.  We're all just stumbling along, trying to figure out what to do.  Good luck, dear.  And good news about your endo!

- Kate

Thanks for all your kind words, i was soooo pissed at myself afterwards. It has taken me along time to get the nerve to go to one of these meetings and then this happened.

Well it finally happened in a wierd way. I was arguing with one of my close friends who actually works for me too in a heated text conversation bout businsess then out of the blue he told me he knew about what i am and and has known for a long time. The first thing i said was what are you talking bout trying to play it dumb like i have no idea. Then he had wrote about my "transformation" that you are going through. I didn't know what to say and to this point haven't discussed it at all with him. I actually talked to  a mutaul friend of ours who is bi and she was very comforting with i told her. So tonight the 3 of us are going out to talk about my life and what my plans are for the future, should be very interesting. I knew this was coming, but not this soon. Wish me luck!!!!!!!

Good luck, MyKa.  It sounds like you have some good support forming for you.  That's wonderful.

I don't know whether you are quite there yet, but you will find it a huge relief once the burden of THE SECRET is out.  Good luck.

- Kate

Nothing else was said last night when we went out for drinks, but yes it does seem like alot of weight is off my shoulders knowing that the few friends i have will support me with anything i do. That is the first step, but there still is my fam, im sure they will find out one way or another,