I love being recognised as male, just that one little 'he' word can lighten up my entire day. I also fully believe i have a male brain. I want the full works in terms of surgery and even the 50% chance that i will go completley bald on top in my very early 20's isn't enough to put me off. At the moment i don't hate my current body, i don't cry because of the way it is or anything like that. But i feel no connection to it. Infact the only thing i like is the freckle on my foot. I certaintly do NOT want to have this body my entire life and i can see that if i was forced to i would gradually begin to hate it. I have since puberty had very low self esteem because of my body and a lack of confidence. So i have no concerns over having a male body or being recieved as male.

Sometimes however i do think to myself, there's more to being male then having a male body and grinning at your letter that says 'Mr'. Sometimes i think of what is expected of guys and i wonder if i really can cope with it.
Can i really deal with always being expected to be the strong one?
Can i deal with being expected to protect others when i can't even stick up for myself?
Can i really handle the (in comparison) rough world guys have to deal with?

I am quiet, i am shy and i am sensitive. I won't blubber in the street (infact i rarely cry) but verbal abuse hits me hard. I can't deal with confrontation at all. In high school i was bullied and often wished they'd just hit me because that i have no problem with and i would have readily hit them back. All my life i have been the 'cute' one that people aren't nearly as harsh with. I'm used to others looking after me not the other way round. Don't get me wrong, when i get a girlfriend or im with a young kid i feel very protective, i've never had to act upon it though.

These thoughts just keep coming back to haunt me. When it comes down to it can i hack it as a guy?

I'm not going to stop my transition because of these thoughts. I am aware that they are quite stereotypical but most people don't go around thinking 'thats a stereotypical view i won't judge' they just judge you anyways and unfortunatly i care what others think.

I really should be worrying about more important things ahah, i was just wondering if anyone else has thought about this stuff?
Do you worry about the roles you are expected to take?

I worry about this sometimes. At work I insist on helping the big burly delivery men just to prove a point, my male pride gets wounded every time when I end up panting and red in the face because I'm clearly not as strong as them 

I don't get overly worried about it though, there are plenty of guys who are delicate flowers and hell, plenty of women who could kick the aforementioned burly mens asses - and everything inbetween.

Just be who you are, trying to stick to a stereotypical male role would be just as stifling as trying to live as female if it isn't who you really are.

Don't worry yourself about it too much, as someone who was born male I can tell you from experience, I was dreading having to be the strong one when growing up, had the responsibility of looking after my sister, just typical guy stuff, and with all things male just not being 'me' it worried me. But coping is something that comes with doing.
I could bore you with things I've had to go thru but the verbal thing worries you so I'll give you some advice on that..

I work in an engineering firm, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE there absolutely thrives on something they call 'banter'. Basically it's hurtful, sarcastic, offensive comments meant as a joke. Well, they say it's a joke, last night I was the victim of alot of it. But this seems to be what most guys do. Prior to this I was on a forum where alot of this banter took place, I first reacted how I naturally would, very hurt and scornful, but learned it's just how they get their fun and took part, to a degree, being mean isn't really me though lol. But because I've learned to deal with this banter, even when I get a genuine hurtful comment, I can shrug it off, ignore it or give as good as I get. Worrying over verbal comments ain't worth the paper their printed on  😉

As I am a transwoman I probably am not a good resourse but as I grew up as a male..
As a pre-teen I worried about the protector/bread winner thing alot. But life and testosterone put those worrys to an end. Something in T makes you cocksure of your world.
Being a protector comes naturaly to anyone who has vested interest in the well being of anouther human. It is not a male or female trait. It is a human trait. Trust me if the sh** hits the fan you will do what is needed just from instinct.

Hmm. I feel very insecure about my maleness right now because I'm early in transition and have always been pretty insecure. That, and my...anatomical shortcomings. But I don't worry so much about what other people might expect from me because of my maleness. There are many different kinds of men, and I'm my own kind of man.

I'm pretty sensitive and empathetic in certain ways, and I don't see these traits as hurdles to get over or as impediments to be eliminated. Heck, my therapist is cisgender, and he's gentle and caring. He's managed to live on this planet for at least sixty years now, so it can be done.

I think that for me, it's not so much what kind of man I am but being accepted as any kind of man. A lot of people, if they knew about my past, would not consider me a "real" man. So that's where my anxiety lies.

We all choose what kind of person we are. To some extent we are hindered by society and family dynamics, but we do get to shape ourselves. Just make sure you shape yourself in ways that are comfortable for you; don't simply cater to everyone else. I mean, we do adopt some characteristics in order to fit in and survive, but don't go all uber-male just for that reason. Find a self you can live with.

And it's a slow process, acclimating and evolving. You'll get there. It just takes time.

Thanks for your thoughts, i worry too much about stupid stuff. Perhaps because i am biologically female i feel a greater need to be as manly as possible? who knows but i will definatley try to chill out a bit more and just be myself

I feel the need to act very masculine in order to pass as male but Im not that strong and as for being the protecter I have never really been in a fight or a situation where I need to defend myself or anyone else. Not long ago a girl who was probably a few years younger than starting getting a bit aggressive and I was s**ting myself lol so I'm so as hell not the strong one.
I do try though like the other day I was helping my boyfriend carry some heavy boxes and i felt very ashamed in myself when I couldn't carry some of them.
I guess all you can do is be yourself. You dont need to be a big macho man to prove that you are a man.

Quote from: Minkle on April 14, 2010, 05:13:27 PM
... Sometimes however i do think to myself, there's more to being male then having a male body and grinning at your letter that says 'Mr'. Sometimes i think of what is expected of guys and i wonder if i really can cope with it.
Can i really deal with always being expected to be the strong one?
Can i deal with being expected to protect others when i can't even stick up for myself?
Can i really handle the (in comparison) rough world guys have to deal with?
...

Do you worry about the roles you are expected to take?

Yep - but only because like all normal people I am a great big mixture of both genders. I've been thinking about this quite a bit over the last couple of days, ever since I accidentally kind of ended up coming out as Androgyne in a couple of threads... although actually I won't be using that label I prefer my own description of GGG (Gender Gifted Girl).

I think the reality is that most people are a huge mixture. It's only some people that feel the need to analyse that. So most people never really admit to themsleves just what a mixture they really are.

To make matters more complicated I am in a 22 year ongoing relationship with another postop woman. She is actually way more "hard" than me. But the way our relationship panned out I became the breadwinner and protector... Life is what happens whilst you were busy making other plans.

Seen from some perspectives, the way things have panned out, I guess my life could be viewed as that of a female bodied male. But it's been a great life so far, and at 50 I'm only half way done, so plenty of time... For now I have the female body I want and I am unmistakably a bisexual woman in the arena of love and sexuality. The rest doesn't matter. I just go with the flow.

My advice. Don't worry so much. Just get on with being yourself and let the world find you confusing if it wants to. 🙂

As others have said T does strange things. As a bio-guy I was small, shy and nervous. But there is a total spectrum of guys as there is a spectrum of girls. Not all girls are timid, shy feminine little things. And not all guys are cage-fighters. So I think you need to be the guy you want to be, and be confident in that role. Guys have a tendency to ignore everything and just be themselves as whatever. In my experience guys accept each other over a very large range of types. The biggest macho guy in the group doesn't run it. OK as a friend you'll ask him over to help with a lifting job, and guys do that all the time. Lot's of big brawny footy players hang out with their pals from school etc who aren't built like them and get along easily. As for being a hunter gatherer protector, your girl or partner will bring that out in you.  We all play games to boost guys egos, makes them want us more

Cindy

As a fellow GGG I agree with Jenny. 

I think those nagging thoughts are common to all men approaching manhood.

Just be yourself. There's so much variety out there, you can be any way you want to be and it's all good.

When it comes to fights - just don't get drunk and start mouthing off in a rough bar.

I've found everything else comes naturally if you're true to yourself. Everyone has an inner strength regardless of gender. When you are comfortable and confident in yourself you can't help but be a whole lot stronger.

Oh yeah - T does make you cocky... and I love it

Well its defo made me feel a lot better knowing im not alone. I'll just be myself then and if people don't think im macho enough thats there problem to deal with haha

Quote from: Teknoir on April 16, 2010, 06:10:46 AM
Oh yeah - T does make you cocky... and I love it

I wish it would make me a little MORE cocky, if you know what I mean...

Quote from: Arch on April 16, 2010, 12:32:27 PM
I wish it would make me a little MORE cocky, if you know what I mean...

Ahem...I would have to agree.

Quote from: Arch on April 16, 2010, 12:32:27 PM
I wish it would make me a little MORE cocky, if you know what I mean...

Thirded

Quote from: Arch on April 16, 2010, 12:32:27 PM
I wish it would make me a little MORE cocky, if you know what I mean...

Oh... *that* kind of cocky? Yes, I know where you're coming from there

swapsies anyone?

Quote from: Rock_chick on April 16, 2010, 04:31:19 PM
swapsies anyone?

pick me pick me