Today I went to the mall with my best friend since 6th grade and I think we spotted a ftm.We were in the food court at Chick-fil-A and since finding out I'm trans I sometimes look around and see if I could spot another trans-person.Anyway, we were waiting at the counter and she noticed that one of the cashiers was a short man with wide hips,small hands, and a feminine face.I didn't even notice until my friend said something about it ,she started calling him a "it" and a "thing" when referring to him.I could tell she wasn't trying to be mean but she thought of it as a joke.I tried to defend him  but I didn't want to draw attention to myself,as I'm not out yet.The thing that worries me the most is she's like a sister to me and we've known each other 8yrs and I wonder if that's all going to go away when I tell her and will I be just another "it" or a "thing" to her.

If you word it properly you might be able to correct her without coming out to her. Or perhaps if you did come out to her she'd be more aware and understanding of trans people.

Or you just learned who a true friend is and drop her.

Quote from: LordKAT on May 07, 2010, 04:40:45 AM
Or you just learned who a true friend is and drop her.

As a fellow human being and someone who will be a nurse in a year, I disagree.  People say astonishingly ignorant things, but aren't bad people.  There's a great divide between willful ignorance and something which is not the individual's fault.  If you grew up in the middle of nowhere and didn't know a transperson, it's pretty easy to say something regrettable. 

Sometimes in being differently gendered people, we get so consumed by people being sensitive to our differences and our needs that we forget to extend ourselves as ambassadors of good will, even if it need be in a discreet manner.  While it isn't fair, life isn't fair, and being unwilling to educate places the blame with the more enlightened individual.

I'm going to tell her when I'm ready and try to explain to her what being trans means and then hope for the best even though this situation has me a little disheartened.

I said or for a reason. I have learned that people who have an anti trans opinion rarely change it and may act nice. They have the same opinions and say it behind your back instead. I agree with education but cannot do more than hope to influence the other persons opinions on anything.

The weird thing is yesterday we saw a mtf with noticeable facial hair at the library yesterday and she was nice and even after we had walked away knowing she was trans referred to her as a woman so that gives me some hope. To the people who said she would turn on me and I cant educate her ,couldn't the same be said about my family, just drop them and don't give them a chance to come to terms with this. I know that last year before I understood that I was trans,  I was transphobic.

I don't know why but I'm always on the lookout for other trans people but when I do encounter them and I'm pretty sure they are trans, I just do not dare approach them in any way

Look, sure some of the comments people make we perceive horribly wrong because of our personal investment but everyone has their ignorant moments.

It often helps to put a face on "The Other".  You think it is OK to insult someone who has different skin color or is gay or is trans when no one you know is any of those things.  But when you have a nice co-worker who has a different skin color, a neighbor who is gay, or someone in your church who is trans, you realize they are people just like you.

Perhaps once your friend knows that you are trans, her opinion of trans people will change becasue she knows you.  Perhaps.

Regardless, making fun of others because of who and what they are isn't nice.

- Kate

i think she probably said that because she was trying to be funny add to that ignorance and the fact that she never knew any trans person
but IF she's a good friend , she will be accepting if she knew that you are
be happy , be careful
and good luck

Thats what I think too.

It? Thing? Ouch. I Feel sorry for the dude at the register. If any of my buds said that to anyone, I would've socked them. Hard. At least she was just joking around.

She didn't say it loud enough for him to hear,she said it when we walked away.

Perhaps once your friend knows that you are trans, her opinion of trans people will change becasue she knows you.  Perhaps.

That seems mostly true.  There is a world of difference between how we see casual persons floating though the shadow world, and how we see people we actually know. 

I remember before finding out what trans was the only thing I knew about them was what I saw on Maury or Jerry Springer and not knowing any trans people I thought the whole thing was weird and unnatural.

I like this thread, I have lots of coming out stories with friends, but one really sticks out...I had a good friend that I wanted to come out to, so we went to the pub for a pint, and I told him.  He was surprised, but I think what hit him the hardest was how his perception of trans people changed.  Here I was, his friend, smart, respected, AND trans.  I think before he thought trans people were all like the ones on the talk shows.  I think with the right arguments peoples opinions can change fairly easily.
jenna!

Thanks Jenna, I hope my friend reacts the same way.