Today I got rolling toward the last big "coming out" hurdle. I came out to my supervisor at work. Despite being almost sick to my stomach all day from the tension leading up to it, it seems like things went very well.
Here's how I did it. I scheduled an hour long meeting with her, without telling her exactly what it was about. I indicated that it was a pretty big item, and shouldn't be something we tried to squeeze in hurriedly between other things. So I scheduled it for 3:30pm on a Friday.
The time came, I walked in. We exchanged small talk for a bit. Then I asked her to read a letter I wrote so we could talk about it. Here is the letter I gave her:
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PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL
Friday, May 7, 2010
[Name of my Supervisor]
Supervisor, [Name of our department]
I am writing this letter to inform you of an issue which is likely to impact myself and my co-workers at [Company Name] in the near future. I would like to work with [Company Name]'s management and Human Resources department to ensure that the impact will be minimally disruptive, and to ensure that [Company Name]'s values and interests are respected.
The issue involves a change I intend to make in my gender identity. I intend to become a woman socially and legally in the near future.
This is not a hasty decision. It is the result of a process which has been going on for some time under the supervision and care of medical and mental health professionals. Their diagnoses have indicated that I have a condition known as Gender Identity Disorder, known more familiarly as transsexualism. I would be able to provide letters from them attesting to this should that be required.
I want to re-iterate my intention to work with [Company Name] in planning the best way to introduce my personal transition into the workplace. While the nature of this change will likely cause some disruption, it is my intention to help minimize this as much as possible. I look forward to working with the management and human resources individuals deemed appropriate for planning the timing, communication, and policy relevant to this situation.
In the mean time, I will not speak about this matter to my co-workers until such time as is deemed appropriate.
Thank you for your attention and discretion regarding this matter.
Sincerely,
[My name]
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After she read it she said, "Alright. I have a few questions, if that's okay." And we filled the entire hour after that talking about it. I thought her questions were good ones. She asked about my intended timing; if I had any specific ideas for how the coming out ought to be handled; whom I thought needed to be told and how; what the steps involved in this transition were to be. We talked about co-workers and how some people would probably have a hard time accepting this, but that's not something we can control.
The next step she told me she would do is call a meeting with the HR generalist supporting our department, as well as the HR overall director. From there she would let me know what further steps would be needed. But she seemed pretty upbeat about the whole thing, and offered much encouragement. By the end she had volunteered to be my biggest advocate and to do everything in her power to make my transition on the job successful.
So basically, I think things got off to a great start. As good as I could have hoped for. Keep your fingers crossed for me as things move along further.
