Im not out to them, but I think they get the gist of things. I live with them &im sure they've noticed the binding &total change in me. The only female clothing I wear anymore are jeans &the way I wear them you can't rly tell they're womens clothing.

They think im lesbian because all I ever hanging out with is girls. &They see me as female of course.
I hate that they're always outting me though. Calling me she &my birth name, esp in public.

I mean I love my family &I rly like spending time with them, but I hate that im always being outted with them.
I know, you're going to say to just come out to them. But I can't, there's no possible way.. until im at least completely out on my own &have my life together. And who knows when that'll be.

One time my dad saw a signature I had &it was my preferred name &male nickname... and he told me what's that, you'll always be my little girl. It breaks my heart to be who I am. Im not a girl &I've always hated my female name.
I do plan to take legal action on it though. I plan to change my name legally, but not sure when.

I fear that they will never come around. They're the type of ppl that want me to be what they want. When they found out I was dating girls, they freaked. They didn't accept me for who I was. They are better now, but still don't love me for who I am. My mom still tries to get me to wear womens clothes &be feminine.

I just wish I was independent again, then I wouldn't have to worry so much. About their support, or having a place to stay, and such.

The thing that kills me is that our relationship now is the best its ever been. Its not great nor all close, but things are actually okay. I used to hate them so much, I would rebel, sneak around, hide things from them. But then I took off, moved out as soon as I could, and I think that made them realize they were just pushing me away by trying to control me so much. I do what I want now, im grown, they don't rly support me financially. So things are way better then they've been between us.

I just know, that if I come out to them. Ill lose it all, &they are honestly all I have right now. Im trying to get closer to my mom, but I find it rly hard to talk to her. And I don't want to get too comfortable or close, and it slip out.

I know life aint easy, but life for a trans person is 10x as hard. Esp when you don't have someone in real life that totally supports you &completely understands you.

Sorry for the long rant, I just needed to let it out. Hoping someone understands or is going through the same.

:/

You never know how your parents will react.  They might react poorly (many do at first!) and then come around (many do as well).  It may go very  bad and yes there is that risk of losing them.  But there is also the chance that they will still love you no matter what.  And you'll not know that until you tell them.


Jay, also a parent (who had to come out to his kids!)

I can only imagine that, coming out to your kids must have been hard.

Echoing an earlier comment, you never know how they will react.  My parents have rejected me and still havent come around after four years, though they claim to be really open-minded and pro gay people.  Yet, I know people with very close minded parents who came around and now accept them fully.  The fact that they didn't toss you to the streets when they think you are lesbian, is a sign that there is still some hope in them.

I wish you the best.  If only I had more helpful advice, but given how many parents reacted, I might not be the best at giving advice on how to come out.

Make sure when you do tell them that you have a supportive network of friends.  They may initially be very put off.

Quote from: cerealnmuffin on May 20, 2010, 06:22:03 PM
Echoing an earlier comment, you never know how they will react.

I guess that's true, I shouldn't assume.
They claim to love me no matter what, &yeah they're still here.
Its just I know them, &im pretty sure of what to expect.
I mean being trans is a big deal compared to being gay.. Its a big difference that many ppl don't understand.
But I think if they don't know by now, then they're just in denial.
I mean look at me lol I am a guy &idk if they can tell I get pissed off when they call me she or a female name.
Im just going to give it time &hope I can pull through.
Try not to let it get to me so much.
I mean I love spending time with them, but I hate being outted all the time.

But thanks.
I know, ill need at least one person to be there for me.
Esp if they won't be.

Oh god, the "you'll always be my little girl" comment. That kills me every time. My dad takes great pride in me being his "daughter." He loves me to death and he's always asked me why I don't keep my hair long, and he's always told me I'm pretty, and all that.

So when mom confronted me about binding and Dad came in asking why we were shouting at each other and she had to explain to him "your daughter's been strapping her breasts down" I felt horrible. He looked totally lost for a second and then whipped around and said "I didn't raise a dyke for a daughter." He did come around though. He apologized to me later on that night with his eyes all red and puffy saying "I didn't mean what I said, I love you no matter what," that whole spiel. He even went to counseling with me about it later on.

All that coming from a Southern baptist man. I put him through quite a few hurdles.. he used to be super homophobic, used to think anybody outside his perceived box of normal was weird and gross and all that, and he managed to accept the fact I was into chicks and wanted to be a boy and go to a stranger to talk about it. Parents will surprise you sometimes. Thankfully for me it was very pleasantly. Yours might, and even if they don't right away I'm sure they will come around eventually. It sounds like they wouldn't just toss you in the dirt if you came out, and I hope that I'm not horribly off-base in that assumption.
Either way, like you said, they can't be totally oblivious. My parents knew about the binding for a few months before they actually said anything, so it's possible they won't be as surprised as you think.

None of that means they won't hold on to every last shred of hope that you'll "decide" to be "normal" if they can though. As soon as I started dating a guy everything went right out they window. They know I'm into chicks no matter what - it's horribly apparent and I point out girls in front of them - but they think the dysphoria is "cured." Only recently have they been disappointed to find out it's actually worse because I've mentioned it casually like it comes up every day, and I've talked to my mom very little about the concerns I have about it pertaining to my relationship. She always gets really quiet and never responds, but she gets the point either way. It's disheartening for both of us in different ways.

Just keep in mind that they're human, they're gonna mess up too. They're dealing with all of this for the first time and it's never easy, for either party, but they do love you and they want the best for you. If you do come out for a while you might be the one taking care of them while they go through the feelings of mourning and loss for their daughter and try to accept the fact they're seeing their son for what he is. Just be gentle and informative with them. Most parents deserve to know their kid for who they are without them having to hide anything, and if the parents toss their kids out for trying to show them that then they don't deserve to see it.

Quote from: Nikolai James on May 22, 2010, 07:52:29 PM
Oh god, the "you'll always be my little girl" comment. That kills me every time. My dad takes great pride in me being his "daughter." He loves me to death and he's always asked me why I don't keep my hair long, and he's always told me I'm pretty, and all that....


Just keep in mind that they're human, they're gonna mess up too. They're dealing with all of this for the first time and it's never easy, for either party, but they do love you and they want the best for you. If you do come out for a while you might be the one taking care of them while they go through the feelings of mourning and loss for their daughter and try to accept the fact they're seeing their son for what he is. Just be gentle and informative with them. Most parents deserve to know their kid for who they are without them having to hide anything, and if the parents toss their kids out for trying to show them that then they don't deserve to see it.

Yup, this guy has been there for me my whole life. I been a daddys girl until I figured out who I was, had him wrapped around my finger since we first met. And it kills me to break his heart like that, his little girl is in fact a young man. And yeah they're losing a daughter, but he'll gain the son he never had. We are close, he cares a lot about me. And that's why I don't think id be able to come out to him, I think he'd hate me or something. You know...
I think I can come out to my sister &mom okay, and they'd try to understand... but my dad is old school, his mind is more closed.
He sounds a lot like your dad, he hated it when I chopped my hair off, he hates it when I keep cutting it. Both him and my mother say oh you're so beautiful why can't you show your body off blahblahblah. He's the racist homophobic white man type, that anything that's not to his normality is wrong.

My mom knows I bind, cause my sister pointed it out a few times already. I just ran out of the room &ignored them lol.

I only hope that all the love he has for me stays when he finds out im trans... im afraid id lose him...
It tears me up cause he's the dad I never asked for. The dad I hope to be one day. He's been there for my family when he didn't have to be. He's stuck through our side through thick &thin. He helped my mom raise my sister &I, he provided a home for us when we had no place to go.
This man is the best man I know, yeah he may be jokinly mean at times &close minded, but hes a good guy.

Oh im sure they won't let go of that hope. Cmon they still try to make me girly now, I don't think they'll ever stop.

You're right &this is true... they want to know who I rly am, but I've always hid it from them. They knew I liked girls, they just wanted to hear it from me. And when my ex was still around shed call me by my preferred name in front of them &id answer. So idk if they know about me being trans yet... I only hope they do before I tel them, I think itd be easier somehow.