I was curious if there is anyone else here whose parents are no longer speaking to them?  Or perhaps they were that way at one point but then eventually came around?  From what I have seen the majority of parents seem accepting or at least willing to learn.  For mine apparently cutting me out of their lives is done with love.  They love me to much to watch me do this 'insidious perverting of my body and mind.'  It doesn't help that my Mother has contacted Exodus International, that evil 'redeeming' homosexuals organization and they back up everything she is saying.   

I know I talk about this a lot.  It is just very hard on me to lose my parents.  I really hoped it would never go this far.     

Well, I haven't spoken to my mother since I was 16 for mostly-unrelated reasons.

My stepdad, on the other hand, is a truly genuinely wonderful person who was supportive of me in every way from the day I met him. Which is why I'm not out to him yet, because even though I know he'll be amazing about it, I can't stand to give him cause for concern. I'm getting there, though.

My mums great with me being trans, my dad not so much.

I've spoken to my dad 4 times since coming out and thats only because he was there when I was visiting my nana at hospital. My dad has made it clear to me that he think's i'm making a mistake and will not accept me as Nathan. He's never actually said he doesn't want to talk to me again because of this so a part of me is hopeful that he will accept me at some point but my mum doesn't think he will.

I always knew that he would have trouble with this but I never thought it would be this bad.

My mother have had a rocky relationship most of my adult life.
She went bat->-bleeped-<- when my dad [her husband] died, and never really recovered.  I think she was always mentally ill, but went off the deep end after losing her husband.

August of last year, my husband passed away.  My mother said some of the most hurtful, cruel things possible during this period of time.  Being that she was my mother, and granting her a little leeway since I'm sure it reminded her of losing her own husband, I decided to forgive and move on.

Christmas of last year, her long-time boyfriend and I had a bit of a confrontation [over their yappy dog trying to steal food from my plate], and we didn't speak for a few months.

February, we went through the long, drawn-out "gun saga".  Last time her father [my grandfather] was out here visiting, I'd been helping him look for property that he and I were going to purchase together.  He's getting older, and I wanted to move him closer so that I could help take care of him.  The property was also to be a vacation home for my family. 
While he was here, he found a rifle he was rather fond of, and I purchased it on his behalf [since not being a state resident, he could not], and we agreed that I would keep it at my house until he moved out here.

After my husband passed away, it was decided that I could not afford to help him purchase property, and my mother decided she was unwilling to make up the difference to help her dad out.  She contacted me in February, asking me to give her the rifle so she could mail it to my grandfather.

You can't just send a rifle through the mail.  Its illegal.  And the rifle was registered in my name, so I'll be damned if I was going to let it be illegally sent through the mail.  Hence the rifle saga [it eventually got worked out, after about a week of arguing with my mother re: the law, and the only way to legally ship guns, from one gun store to another]

After that, she and I didn't really speak, and it was clear there was a lot of hostility.

In March, after receiving my T-letter, I decided it was time to start coming out to family.  I came out to my younger brother first, because I was still unsure if I even wanted to contact my mother to tell her.

After coming out to my brother, I decided that regardless of whether or not my mom and I had any relationship, I didn't want my brother to bear the burden of either keeping it secret from her, or having to be the one to tell her.

So, I sent her a 6 page letter, at the end of which I explained that I understood my coming out was a lot to deal with, and didn't expect an immediate response from her in regards to her feelings about everything, but if she could just drop me a line to let me know she had in fact received the letter, I'd be very appreciative.

Weeks went by, and finally my brother informed me that she had in fact received the letter, and asked him if he knew about it as well.

That was March.  It is now May.  I have not received a single word from her, since.
Per my brother, she is refusing to speak to me, and has informed both him and my Aunt that she intends to fight me for custody of MY son, should I move forward with my plans to transition.

I consider myself disowned, although ultimately, it has very little to do with my gender identity, and far more to do with the fact that my mother most likely suffers from borderline personality disorder, and is simply manipulative and cruel, and has finally hit upon the perfect way to play the victim.

The sad part of the whole ordeal is that when my son was born, I sold the home we were living in at the time, and bought a house costing twice as much, simply so my son could grow up near his grandmother. 
I live five minutes away.

She hasn't seen her grandson since Christmas.

I cut off my entire family ages ago. I suppose my transness figured into the equation because I always felt like a freak and an outsider, but most of it was because my mother has certain...issues and is a toxic personality. My father was just collateral damage because he was married to her...although he has his issues too; he chose to back her over me. I stopped talking to my brother because he betrayed me, but I finally reconnected with him on Facebook. The jury's still out on him. I don't feel all that connected to him anymore.

I've never told my parents that I'm trans. My brother is keeping me a secret and has no desire to open that can of worms. I sometimes wonder whether my father suspected me a long time ago, but I think that's just wishful thinking. Trans stuff wasn't exactly the first blip on people's radar back in the early eighties...or even now, usually.

If they've contacted those people, that's not good.  All you can do is (if you want to try to have some sort of relationship with them someday) is send them some good PFLAG stuff and a heartfelt letter, otherwise not much else you can do if their minds are closed.

Sorry to hear that.

Jay

Sorry to say, but it's a lot more common that many think and not just over this issue.

Making claims that they are shutting you out and treating you like crap out of love is perhaps one of the more disgusting and hurtful claims.

The facts are that, it is your life. No-one has any business telling you how to live. Putting conditions on love is not love at all. It is hatred, disrespect, abusive and unnatural. They are attempting to use a very special relationship to impose authority.

I can't tell you what to do, but once I managed to cut myself off from my family, I have never once looked back. The emotional drain of dealing with their constant, nasty abuse along with their repeated accusations and insinuations, often of a very offensive nature was greater than I realised until I finally shut the door.

My honest experience has been that trans is often an excuse for parents to continue or escalate controlling and demeaning behavior that was already in place prior to our coming out.

Often, not always, but often.

As for Exodus International, I found this:

QuoteIn 1979, two of Exodus International's co-founders (Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper) quit the group and held a life commitment ceremony together. On June 27, 2007 Bussee, along with fellow former Exodus leaders Jeremy Marks and Darlene Bogle, each came out as gay or lesbian and issued a public apology for their roles in Exodus.[7] In April 2010, Bussee stated he'd never seen Exodus actually change any participant into a heterosexual

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exodus_International

Frankly, sounds like another of those weird political groups that uses religion as a front for its own fascist activities.

My God Muddy, what the hell?  Sorry to hear about all of that.  Good for you for standing up to her time and time again as you stuck to your ideals.  I feel bad for my kids.  I know it's going to be the same way and they are going to wonder why Grammy isn't coming to see them any more.  I don't know how honest I can be.  They are very young right now. 

I believe you are right.  She has always manipulated me using vague insults and her overreactions to keep me on her straight and narrow.  From the moment she steps into my house she criticizes everything from the way it looks to what the children are currently doing.  There is no winning with her.  This whole situation just exaggerated it all but yes she is a poison I do not need in my life. 

Thanks Spacial for that quote about Exodus, that's actually pretty funny in an ironic way.  You can't change who you are.  Plus I really don't believe God cares all that much.  He just wants us to love Him and love each other.  Yes it is hurtful to use conditional love.  Both to those who are losing their parents and to the parents themselves.  Such an evil lie places like Exodus promote. 

Thank you Nathan, Arch, Kyril for sharing your stories.  I appreciate the sympathy Jay

 

Kicking you out of their lives is not love. It's them not wanting to deal with it, because they know that you're going to do it anyway. I'm really sorry to hear that. As bad as it is to be kicked out, that's even worse to be told that you are loved upon being kicked out.

With me they haven't kicked me out...yet...but I believe they will do so once I start HRT. At one point I thought that the reason they would not help me with the costs of HRT by at least keeping me on the insurance was out of a misguided sense of love. Now I understand that they view me changing my body as them losing their son.....and they don't want to be party to that.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my dad is on little to no speaking terms with me at the moment...

I have a very superficial relationship with my parents.  They live an hour away but I only see them a couple of times a year, and that is usually because of my children. It's awkward.

I am at the point where I actually want to cut off all contact before they do. As they have witnessed me transition over the past few years they have distanced themselves from me in a way that used to be painful but now feels like a blessing. 

Every six months or so when my mom is angry at me for not attending a family gathering, she loses it on the phone with me and tells me what a horrible person I am for putting my children through this, that I shouldn't have custody, etc...  I had enough of that a year or so ago and now I don't engage. I just live my life.

I was invited to a family reunion for this summer and I was actually excited about it (weird, I know), and my father politely told me that he would prefer if I did not go.  A similiar thing happened with a wedding a week before the reunion, where I was asked why I can't just "wear a goddamn dress for once. It's not about you!"

I'm not taking T or anything but I am living as male, and I do look male.  My family basically "puts up" with my presence in their lives, like I'm a freakish burden or something.  Like I said, it used to be very painful for me.  I hid for a long time.  It still is painful when I go deep down, because I never really had parents anyways.  My mom is severely mentally ill (and has been since I was born) and my dad is in even worse shape (long story).

I had a dream this afternoon that I walked into some sort of meeting and a woman beckoned me to sit on her lap and she was stroking my hair and told me I was a beautiful boy. When she started reaching into my pants I was afraid she would see that I didn't have a penis and reject me but she didn't... she kept telling me she loved me and I fell asleep with my head on her shoulder like a baby or something.

Family relationships (and loss of these) has been almost the most painful part of this journey for me.  But I have to be me.  I don't have a choice.. to deny myself would destroy me even more.

Quote from: DamienR on May 25, 2010, 03:08:07 PM
I have a very superficial relationship with my parents.  They live an hour away but I only see them a couple of times a year, and that is usually because of my children. It's awkward.

I am at the point where I actually want to cut off all contact before they do. As they have witnessed me transition over the past few years they have distanced themselves from me in a way that used to be painful but now feels like a blessing. 

Every six months or so when my mom is angry at me for not attending a family gathering, she loses it on the phone with me and tells me what a horrible person I am for putting my children through this, that I shouldn't have custody, etc...  I had enough of that a year or so ago and now I don't engage. I just live my life.

I was invited to a family reunion for this summer and I was actually excited about it (weird, I know), and my father politely told me that he would prefer if I did not go.  A similiar thing happened with a wedding a week before the reunion, where I was asked why I can't just "wear a goddamn dress for once. It's not about you!"

I'm not taking T or anything but I am living as male, and I do look male.  My family basically "puts up" with my presence in their lives, like I'm a freakish burden or something.  Like I said, it used to be very painful for me.  I hid for a long time.  It still is painful when I go deep down, because I never really had parents anyways.  My mom is severely mentally ill (and has been since I was born) and my dad is in even worse shape (long story).

I had a dream this afternoon that I walked into some sort of meeting and a woman beckoned me to sit on her lap and she was stroking my hair and told me I was a beautiful boy. When she started reaching into my pants I was afraid she would see that I didn't have a penis and reject me but she didn't... she kept telling me she loved me and I fell asleep with my head on her shoulder like a baby or something.

Family relationships (and loss of these) has been almost the most painful part of this journey for me.  But I have to be me.  I don't have a choice.. to deny myself would destroy me even more.

These situations make me so glad I'm transitioning early so I don't have to worry about how the kids feel, but sadly we all have to worry about our parents :/ Are your kids generally okay with it?

Currently blocking out my mom and ignoring family members who call me by my birth name. I go through too much to have to deal with being called by that, I'd rather not be called by anything at all.
*edit* Not to mention nearly everyone else besides them recognizes me for who I am, Jacob.

Sounds harsh, but I'm sure they will get the message.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on May 25, 2010, 10:35:14 AM
I was curious if there is anyone else here whose parents are no longer speaking to them?  Or perhaps they were that way at one point but then eventually came around?  From what I have seen the majority of parents seem accepting or at least willing to learn.  For mine apparently cutting me out of their lives is done with love.  They love me to much to watch me do this 'insidious perverting of my body and mind.'  It doesn't help that my Mother has contacted Exodus International, that evil 'redeeming' homosexuals organization and they back up everything she is saying.   

I know I talk about this a lot.  It is just very hard on me to lose my parents.  I really hoped it would never go this far.   

My mom wants to perform an exorcism on me. No joke. She is planning on getting a priest to do so if I agree to go along with it. She told me I have a demon in me and she will never accept this demon.

Quote from: TheOtherSide on May 25, 2010, 04:49:59 PM
My mom wants to perform an exorcism on me. No joke. She is planning on getting a priest to do so if I agree to go along with it. She told me I have a demon in me and she will never accept this demon.

That pretty much says it all, doesn't it.  I am beginning to wonder if mine will try something like that.  Perhaps not an exorcism but an intervention of sorts.  She is really treating this like the end of the world.  I have to wonder why what I do with My life is ending her world. 

Damien it sounds like we have similar situations.  I could be wrong but I think that's were it will end up with me in a few months.  Barely tolerated but you are right.  We have no choice but to be ourselves.  Hang in there. 

Thanks Jacob I think I will try that.  My female name just sounds wrong to me ears anyway. 

Quote from: Kyle XD on May 25, 2010, 03:14:25 PM
These situations make me so glad I'm transitioning early so I don't have to worry about how the kids feel, but sadly we all have to worry about our parents :/ Are your kids generally okay with it?

We have a really open household, and my children understand what is going on.  They knew me as a lesbian before any of this, so we are already accepting of everyone's gender identity and orientation.  I live with a male-bodied gay male and my female partner, and have my kids half time.  My daughter is six and she already expresses to me that she knows that I am more of a boy than a girl and that is normal to her.

My older son is 14 and he and I share clothes!

My kids are also being raised traditionally (Traditionally Aboriginal - First Nations).  In our spirituality there are ancient teachings about Two-Spirit people (LGBTT).  There is a prophecy that talks about our people (people who have both male and female, either in body or spirit) being the chosen people.  Back in the day (before colonization) after they consulted women, then men, if a consensus could not be reached they went to the Two-Spirits.  Anyhow, now I am honoured in our community (the traditional people anyway) for being a Two-Spirit.  We have special places in the sweat lodges, etc.  My kids, having been raised with these teachings, know that.  I was not raised traditionally.. my parents never had those teaching.

So it's okay with my kids.
I miss my family though.

Squirrel, parents are so hard to deal with. I think they should love their son enough to want him to be happy and true to himself...and it seems they can't. They would rather be judgmental and vindictive.

I never had to come out to my parents, so I have no idea what it's like. I know that they hurt me when I was a kid. It still hurts because I spent years with my feelings shut off instead of dealing with the problem. I am only now starting to deal with my emotions, and it looks like a long process. But to be openly rejected for being trans...that is harsh.

I hope you're able to get help with this.

No father in the picture but my mum has a mixed look on the trans thing. I haven't really lost her, its just I never really "had" her in the first place. We don't really relate well. The minute i get out of this house, I'm not going to even look back.