Well, I knew at 4 that I should be a girl, but that doesn't mean I knew enough to try to live as one.  I started cross-dressing at 9, but only a few people knew about it for the next 30 or 40 years.  Both my spouses knew I cross-dressed and had serious gender issues.  I came out to some friends about 15 years ago.  But I really came out last year when I told everybody.  I didn't think of myself as "out" until it was no longer a secret.

I'd love to have transitioned at 4 when I realized I should be a girl, but that's not how it worked out.  C'est la vie.  I've transitioned now, and that's all that counts.  I am permenantly, legally, anatomically, socially, and psychologically a woman for the rest of my life.  My glass is more than half full.

- Kate

That is a wonderful way of looking at it, Kate.  You are an inspiration.

Let's see, I knew for about 26 years before I told the first soul.  It was another three or four before I told everybody that I felt had to know.  The rest, maybe never, I dunno.  I haven't had much luck with people's reactions when I've come out, so I sort of feel it's easier on everybody, myself included, to just fall out of people's consciousness unless I'm really close to them.  I know this thought process is kind of juvenile, so I'm sure I'll eventually grow out of it.

Do I regret keeping it a secret?  I regret every moment I hid myself inside that crusty old crust, but I'm sure I had my reasons for doing so.  It seems so obviously misguided now looking back, but I just have to tell myself I would have done it earlier if I was ready.  Besides, the past is the past, we don't have to relive it.  The only part of life we have to worry about experiencing in the flesh is the future, and so I feel I should just worry about having things set right from here forward so I can enjoy all that's left to come.

I used to think it but then I came to realize that the odds of coming out way back going well are vanishingly small.  I'd realize I'd have most likely ended-up with my parents (mostly my father) attempting to get someone to "cure" me and simply never giving up, trying ever increasingly severe ways of doing so.  He truly believed (had convinced himself) that anything he saw as abnormal was a grave threat to me and must be ended at all cost.  In the end, I realize it's probably best I kept it to myself.

Quote from: Agent_J on May 30, 2010, 01:09:05 AM
I used to think it but then I came to realize that the odds of coming out way back going well are vanishingly small.  I'd realize I'd have most likely ended-up with my parents (mostly my father) attempting to get someone to "cure" me and simply never giving up, trying ever increasingly severe ways of doing so.  He truly believed (had convinced himself) that anything he saw as abnormal was a grave threat to me and must be ended at all cost.  In the end, I realize it's probably best I kept it to myself.

Sorry to hear that. There may come a time when the pressure gets so great that life has to be lived. We are here for when that happens.

Cindy

Quote from: CindyJames on June 01, 2010, 03:40:31 AM
Sorry to hear that. There may come a time when the pressure gets so great that life has to be lived. We are here for when that happens.

I reached that point about two years ago and have been dealing with it, i.e. am now on HRT about a year.

I was responding to the question about coming out sooner.  I would have loved to have done so when I realized this about myself as a little kid, but I also realized then that I was in an environment where the only possible outcome was to make things worse for me, rather than support me.