All right I just had an embarrassing moment.  We had some friends over tonight.  A married couple.  They are aware of my issues and perfectly supportive.  We ate pizza, drank beer, laughed at bad television.  When it was time to leave I was given a hug by the girl but then I had to deal with the guy. 

He use to hug me goodbye but now we didn't know what to do.  I had thought through a lot but this hadn't occurred to me.  I shook his hand but he wanted more.  My partner suggested a chest bump but I'm sorry that does not come naturally to me.  I really am not around other guys enough to know the proper etiquette here.   

Everyone laughed it off but it ended awkward.  So I pose you all the question.  What is the proper way to say goodbye between guys friends if a handshake doesn't quite do it?   

id say you should do the handshake hug

where you shake hands, and then get close and pat them on the back

There's the good ol' dudely hug where it starts off with a handshake then you pull each other into a kind of one armed hug. Ya know what I mean?

Hugs, I always hug my friends and they hug me even before they knew I was trans. Big full on hugs.

Don't live to a stereotype show affection however your comfortable with ^_^

Transition is supposed to be liberating not locking you into a different box.

Just make a move for either a handshake or a hug, and stick with it. I remember once I was leaving a cast party for a show I had worked backstage on, and was saying goodbye to one of the actors.  Initially I went for a hug at the same time as he was reaching out for a handshake, then we realized what the other person was doing and both switched, before finally settling into an akward one armed hug thing. My friend was standing there watching the whole thing, and claimed the entire thing was hilarious, like some kind of tweaked out dance.

Dudes hug.
Watch members of the same motorcycle club some time.

Thanks you guys.  It is an adjustment for everyone.  It is possible I was just disappointed that it ended that way.  I'll get the hang of this yet.  A man hug sounds like just the thing.

It is my personal opinion that hugs are hugs, no matter what genders the people giving them are. I've always been an advocate for guys being okay with hugs. BUT if you're feeling self-concious about regular-hugs, there's always the "man-hug," which comes in a variaty of formats (many of which have been described here, already). One-armed hugs, sideways-hugs, combination handshake-hugs, back-pat hugs, etc. tend to be pretty widely considered acceptable between two men.

Guys hug each other all the time, its cool.
Just do you.

i too vote for the one arm handshake bro hug! you know, hey man! wide arm movement outward meeting in the middle about chest height, both men pull inward with clasped hands between them, pat on the back. it's incredibly intimate without being mushy. also, this reminds me of a story. *sits in his rocking chair*

at a (male) friend's birthday party a couple years ago, before i was sure about wanting to transition and definitely not out to anyone, i got up to leave and the friend got up to say goodbye. some other people were leaving too and he was saying bye to people and held his hand up. as usual for me i just poked it and he gave me that look like "come on". so i grabbed his hand. it seemed super slow and i remember everything about it. we grabbed hands, shook them a bit like a weak arm wrestle, pulled inwards, clapped each other on the back, pulled back, and snapped fingers. it took me about a year to realize that he pretty much led me through a bro hug. he gave me, as in gave like a gift, a bro hug. only now am i really realizing the depth of that little act lol. of course this is the same friend that told me to draw him when we had to do a self portrait and call it "a metaphorical self portrait"

We do hug, yes, if sober.  It's a bit rougher than any female hug, and it's based on shoulder contact.

If drunk, we hug a great deal more, and at the end of the evening, one of us (generally me) is generally carried by two others.  We never discuss it with women around, but some guys have been known to go a bit further than a hug when truly 'housed... I knew one guy, probably around six-six and easily able to throw a Harley, who had a tendency to make out with other dudes when he was too drunk to recognize that they were struggling to get free.  We got a bit nervous around him when he started taking shots...  Cool guy, though, we all liked him anyway.

You know, I really miss college.

- N

handshake most of the time. Sometimes handshake hug if we haven't seen eachother in awhile

Man hugs aren't based on shoulder contact you've got this all wrong, someone tried to give me a man hug once and I just looked at them with a funny face

a man hug It's like your slapping them on the back "to reduce the amount of time in contact"

As a former member in good standing in the man comunity I think I may know a thing or two in this area.
Men hug, but only when parting for an extended amount of time, or when reuniteing after an extended absence.
A 'bro' handshake is extended then you pull into a MINIMAL contact hug. If it is a just friend contact is extremely brief. If it is a family member the hug may linger for a few extra seconds, and may go into a full dual armed hug. A greeting or a good by is quietly spoken during this moment. Most men do not like it when huged by other dudes but put up with it. This of course doesn't take into account Mr. Huggs. This dude wants to dual arm hug everyone and it lingers long enough to make his male peers uncomfortable. When I was in male mode I absolutely despised the Mr Huggs type. For some reason even threats of violence rarely disuade the Mr Huggs type from said affection displays.  /shiver

anyways...
Good luck

It depends on which culture you come from.  My maternal side are all from mainland Europe so the male greeting is grasp eachother's shoulders firmly and air kiss on each cheek, always right cheek first to avoid embarrassing collisions. 

Personally, I think it is a wonderfully warm greeting and I do wish more cultures adopted it.  It contrasts so sharply with the English male greeting which is an embarrassed "Hello, mate", smile, but don't maintain eye contact for too long.  NO touching.

Quote from: Papillon on June 01, 2010, 07:24:07 AM
Personally, I think it is a wonderfully warm greeting and I do wish more cultures adopted it.  It contrasts so sharply with the English male greeting which is an embarrassed "Hello, mate", smile, but don't maintain eye contact for too long.  NO touching.

I don't think that's the case at all. The handshake hug thing is used alot here.
Although I find it depends on the type of guys. I've got mates who are more than happy to properly hug each other.

Can I suggest you make a list of all those parts of your self which you think need changing?

I say this because it seems that you are risking being too self conscious.

Whatever you do, those that know you know your background. If they support you then there really seems very little reason to worry about whether you hug them or not. If they don't then they aren't worth the breath it takes to think about them.

There is no such thing as a correct male way or female way. There is only your way. People who accept you accept you for what you are.

And you are a pretty great person. I know that because those people who came to visit, came to visit. They obviously think so and who am I to argue?

Quote from: spacial on June 01, 2010, 08:08:03 AM
Can I suggest you make a list of all those parts of your self which you think need changing?

I say this because it seems that you are risking being too self conscious.

All right fair enough I get what you are saying.  I think it's perfectly natural to be self conscious at this stage of the game.  Everyone is looking at me to see how I have changed since making my life alerting decision.  They are taking cues from me on how to act.  Basically I am redefining myself in their eyes.  People look at males and females differently so now they have to look at me different then they did before. 

However I don't want to change a thing about myself.  I agree with Ryan when he says we should just be who we are.  Since we are men we should just be ourselves.  I'm still going to cross my legs damn it if I want to.  There are however assumed rituals in male friendship that as of yet I have not been a part of.  A sort of secret guy code that those raised as boys from childhood just pick up but we who start out late in life just don't know about. 

Looking back I couldn't have drawn him into a man hug or a buddy hug.  He was as stiff as a board unsure of what to do and he has at least 100 lbs on me.  Maybe if I had leaned forward he would have gotten the hint or maybe not.  Either way it's just another lesson I can learn and am learning from. 

Squirrel, all I can say is be yourself.  Act the way you want.  You don't have to change a thing just because you are transitioning.  I found that the further along I got into transition, I did naturally change.  I'm also taking my cues from other men as well.

If you want to hug, hug.  If not, shake hands.  Be YOU.   


Jay

I'll tell you the secret guy code.

Pretend you're not interested in their body. Don't let anyone see you looking at the other guy's bits in the shower, or (heaven forbid) in the toilets.

That's it. Guys are, mostly, scared stiff that someone might think their are homosexuals, or even think they think about it. But basically, all guys do as much as women do.

I really do suggest you should be who you have always been with those close to you. They don't deserve to be pushed away.

I understand how you are feeling. You are embarking on the adventure of a life time. A journey you have longed for for so long. You want to get it right.

But your friends are there for you. They know who you are. A cuddle/hug, the usual friendliness and you as you are isn't going to change your direction.