Hello people,

I have a problem which weighs down on me. So much, in fact, that I would like to ask for your advice on it. You see, me and my mother are going to visit our family in America this year (in chicago, to be more exact). No problem in that area; they are nice people, and I'd love to meet them again (I've only met them once).

The actual problem is that, as far as my family is concerned, my mother has only one child. A daughter.

I am not sure of my gender yet, but I definitely don't like having to be a girl. Not even around my family. They've planned all kinds of cool things to do when we're there, and they've even invited us on a camping trip with all of the family from their side. BUt I really don't want to go there as a girl. Just the thought of being treated like that makes me sad.

I don't think I can take three full weeks as a girl. And I certainly won't be able to take my family fussing about me (e.g. my aunt wanting to put me in 'this absolutely cute dress' because 'it would look fabulous on me, especially with that new make up'.

If I were sure of being a guy, I would have no problems at all in telling them that. But since I am not sure, I am in doubt about what to do. I haven't told my mother that this is a problem yet, but I expect I will have to.

Has anyone among you been in a situation like this, and does anyone have an idea on how to handle this? With things like swimming and camping coming up, I'm really in a bind...

And also, no offence meant to anyone, but I am not sure how most american people will react to transgenders. That's also something I'd like to hear your opinions on.

Thanks in advance.

Pippin

Go androgynous.  I am not familiar with Chicago but here in Portland, OR we are very Trans-friendly.

I suppose there are a few factors to consider. Does your Mum know you are a guy or at least have strong feelings that way? Your age is also a factor, and don't post it if under 18. Do you present as a guy in daily life? If not can you get away with being a 'Tom Boy' ? No disrespect to anyone BTW. I was playing the scenario of telling Aunty who thinks she has found the perfect dress and lets go out dolled up for dinner that "Sorry Aunt I'm not into girlie things at all" I only wear pants etc and I don't wear makeup. As for swimming many if not all of the pro female surfers wear board shorts and tops. Ok still female but practical and not femmy if you get my drift. Shorts and pants don't have to be femmy either. Many girls like to wear tight shorts and jeans to show of certain attributes, but you don't have too, and many people don't.

You can gain a lot of respect from people by being a none P***s H***ton. Living and learning your way through life. If the question comes up about not being girly, just answer it straight out "I'm not a very girlie person'. That way you have not caused offence, your opinion will be accepted and you don't need to get into overtly complicated discussions.


Hope that has helped. Your post sounds that you (& Mum) are looking forward to the holiday, so don't make your gender a big thing just be neutral.

For a laugh the complete opposite. Oh Aunty what  a gorgeous dress, do you think I need a boob job. My nose profile is awful do you think I can fit in a reconstruct?. Do you have any Botox around the house. Camping? Camping? I'll scratch my nails, are there hot showers? Bugs? Snakes? Toilets? Oh God the only camping I'll do is in 5 star hotels. Hi cousin, you like my thong bikini? Lets go for a swim, Oh by the way why are your bathers stretched out into a tent? Do you need a hand?


Have fun and try not to worry


Cindy

Pippin, I think Cindy has pretty well covered everything.  If you are from overseas, and the family have only met you once, they will have little idea of what kids your age are wearing in your country anyway.

As you are going camping it sounds like you are going to be in hiking gear for a few days too, so no problem there.  Boardshorts and top should cover the swimming, especialy if you are not used to hot summer sun!
Sports gear is something you might look picking up over there as it is usually loose fitting.

Have you thought about asking any relatives your age what they are wearing at the moment there?  That might give you some clues too.

Have a great time.

Thanks for your replies, first of all. I didn't think you would all reply so fast, so I'm really happy with that.

@ janet lynn: I am pretty much androgynous when I don't try to look like a guy. I always wear pants and wide shirts, so that one's already covered. And glad to hear that there are trans-friendy people around in america

@ Cindy: I am 18 so I can safely post my age here. Yes, my mother knows about my feelings. I am the one who isn't entirely sure if I want to go through the entire transition process, since I am dead scared of the operations and of being a fake man, something which might possibly hurt more than living as an unhappy girl. It is therefore hard to tell anyone a clear, understandable story about what exactly I am or want to be right now.

This is, like I said, what's holding me back from telling my family. But what you suggest, just acting like a tomboy, would still earn me the girly treatment, which is exactly what I am scared off. I don't present as a guy in daily life yet, as I have a year of high school to go and I have not the courage to tell my classmates at the moment. I wish I could do it though... it's causing me more pain that it's worth.

We're most certainly looking forward to it, that's why I asked everyone's advice. I do not want to ruin it for us because I am the weird person I am. I want to prevent that at all costs.

And lol @ boob job. Maybe cut them off XD Never ever add more.

@ justmeinoz: I am afraid they have a pretty clear image of what people my age wear, seeing as they all have kids and my family (mother and granddad) send them pictures of me every now and then.

Hiking gear is a good thing, but while I have swimming shorts, I don't own a board top. Not a clue where to find one either. All I have is a binder, and I'm not sure if that can pass for a normal top. Furthermore, loose clothing helps, but it's not enough to hide my chest.

And relatives my age... I have only met my aunts from america, not their children. And I'm pretty positive I do not want to wear what my female cousins are wearing...

Thanks for your advice, all three of you