Like some others, it seems obvious that you have a depression which you need to attend to.

But on the subject of being fat, forget it. You are and will be thw weight you were designed to be.

People who are big and lose weight with diet and exercise have to spend the rest of their lives like that.

Forget the hype and the media nonsense.

If you were big because of what you eat then anyone eating that amount would also be big. I can eat until I'm sick yet never gain weight.

You need to live with yourself. You have enough problems already, especially dealing with dysphoria, without finding new ones.

I think my problem areas are my hips legs arms stomach I do not like those parts of my body so I just want to lose weight so they will be smaller.

From looking at your picture, if you lose anymore weight, you might just disappear. 

Quote from: emoboi on June 08, 2010, 02:13:00 AMI just can't open my mouth and say the words that need to be said to a therapist. I Just can't speak to them.

Then write it down. I'm serious. Or are you just making excuses? We all do that at one time or another. But for you, such excuses could be the difference between life and death. Or is that not getting through?

I know its serious and I guess I am making excuses. I just sometimes don't see the point or getting help its going to take a very long time for me to get better and it prob wont even work.

Quote from: emoboi on June 08, 2010, 07:14:24 PM
I know its serious and I guess I am making excuses. I just sometimes don't see the point or getting help its going to take a very long time for me to get better and it prob wont even work.

I feel the same way sometimes, but things aren't likely to change if you don't get help.

I know I'm just scared to and I really wouldnt know who I am without anorexia/bulimia.

Quote from: emoboi on June 08, 2010, 07:20:43 PM
I know I'm just scared to and I really wouldnt know who I am without anorexia/bulimia.

A happier person than you can ever be with anorexia/bulimia.

Which is scarier? Giving treatment a try, knowing that your eating disorder will always be there in case you change your mind, or suffering for the rest of your life (shortened life) never knowing who you could have been?

An illness shouldn't define who you are. There's more to you than just this.

Quote from: emoboi on June 08, 2010, 07:14:24 PM
I know its serious and I guess I am making excuses. I just sometimes don't see the point or getting help its going to take a very long time for me to get better and it prob wont even work.

All you can do is try. I recommend you at least try to improve. If it'll take a long time, all the better to start now.

I just have had this for so long, I don't really know who I am. I guess I've always defines my worth with how much I weigh.

I have seen people in their 50's-60's recover, trust me, it's not too late. It's just another excuse coming from fear. Do you define other people's worth based on their weight? I bet not so why are the standards for yourself so much higher? That's irrational and destructive thinking. A therapist can help you see that other people view you in a completely different way than how you think they see you.

Quote from: emoboi on June 08, 2010, 07:51:56 PMI just have had this for so long, I don't really know who I am.

Then you're in for an exciting adventure, aren't you? Think of it as a roller coaster. One reason it's so fun and exhilarating is that it's a little scary!

I just want to feel like I look good and I've never really felt that I did.

I didn't mean get fat, that's not the problem here, I mean put some meat on those bones so that when someone sneezes they don't blow you over, or just casually 'bump' you out of the way like guys will do.  And so that you can be prepared to really work.  It takes stamina to work a 40 hour+ week, fifty weeks straight, even in an office.