It was crossing my mind recently, and what are your guys' opinion on virginity, like who to lose it? A friend to explore, the person you love, or even a stranger? I just kind of want some opinions because I'm sort of at that decision right now and I want some older guys's views on stuff before I set out to do something stupid.

My advice is to hold onto it as long as possible.  Honestly.  I had people tell me all the time that they wished they had waited, and that I should wait.  I didn't listen to those people and now I regret it.  :/

I never gave a damn about virginity, and still don't.

Quote from: LucienOctopus on June 11, 2010, 09:43:16 PM
...now I regret it.  :/

Why is that, if you don't mind me asking?

Because I was young and didn't know enough about my body.  At the time I lost my virginity, the guy I was with had touched my downstairs bits more than I had.  Also because I didn't do it because I wanted to.  I did it mainly because I knew he wanted to.

So I guess, if you decide not to wait, just don't do what I did.

It really sucks to lose it to someone you end up hating, so make sure this is a person you know you'll love for your entire life, even if you're just loving him/her as a friend for the rest of your life.  There's nothing worse than knowing that this person you now hate and recognize to be a horrible person took one of your most precious gifts (assuming you consider your first time to be a precious gift).

I lost my virginity at 15.
I grew up in a sex positive atmosphere. (except 3 years when my grandmother had me, /shivers)
I was ready. It was with my exgirlfriend who had just came back into town for a few days. I can't say I was in love with her but I loved her. I did enjoy myself but about an hour later dysphoria showed up and bitch slaped me for a few days. Took me a long time to find ways to avoid disabilitating bouts of dysphoria after sex. Even now in my 40's I am not free of that one completely.

I would say wait or just not doing it if you are prone to dysphoric depression. No sense just inviting trouble.
If you are sure you are mature enough and not too worried about dysphoria go for it.
Just keep it safe! Use protection. Even if you feel safe and trust the person you are with, use protection. I am talking from experiance on this one. I am HIV+.

Okay, the thing with me is, I'm not comfortable with my body per say, but I really want to do it. Not just for myself, I'm curious, but I want to feel someone, be with someone. I can't explain it, but I don't know what to do because there's so many things going on right now.

I love virgins, and if you're one, my name is Kat, and I have drugs and liquor, and you can contact me at (address omitted by Susan's).

Quote from: LucienOctopus on June 11, 2010, 10:23:44 PM
At the time I lost my virginity, the guy I was with had touched my downstairs bits more than I had.

Heh I've never touched the factory equipment I've got in a sexual way. And probably never will. But perhaps I'm strange.

Anyway... I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience. And in a way you 'lose your virginity' with each different person you're with. It's about feeling that innocence, that slight unsureness of 'what next', that anticipation. So if you're gonna do it with someone, whether it's your first first time or not, do it with someone you're comfortable having that innocence out in the open with and somewhere where you can relax. (Ergo: Not at their bible-thumping mother's house. Learned my lesson there!)

I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience

Wow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:11:41 AM
I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience

Wow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

It's just my opinion. I've been with a couple of different people now, but I still think it's more of a state of mind. It's not about 'knowing it'. Maybe it's just because I've never really thought of sex as a big deal. Maybe it's because of my childhood. Maybe I'm just weird. In any case, I don't really think it's about an actual physical experience. It's about the mindset behind that experience.

Maybe it's just because I've never really thought of sex as a big deal.

An opinion shared by your partners?

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:22:38 AM
An opinion shared by your partners?

Generally, yeah. I don't mean that the entire experience is just bland or ordinary like say mowing the lawn. But more so that it's the environment combined with the emotions, and mental states surrounding the sex itself that makes it a big deal or not, not the genital contact.

But like I said, it's just my opinion.

Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:11:41 AM
I think 'virgin' is more of a state of mind than an actual experience

Wow, that sounds like something a virgin would say, if you've done it, you'll know it.

I agree with him.. and I have had sex.. but I do think it is about the physical too

I waited.  And when I finally had sex, he was so into it, and I was like, so, this is sex?  Yawn.

Probably because I was good at doing things myself, maybe because PIV sex really wasn't my thing, idk.

Later I did get more into it.  YMMV.

I would definitely say if you're going to do it for whatever reason, at least do it with someone you like.  Not a random stranger.

Jay

Quote from: Carson on June 11, 2010, 10:18:48 PM
I never gave a damn about virginity, and still don't.

This.

It's just sex. Just people making each other feel good. It doesn't have to be this amazing love-making process.

To me my virginity was something I couldn't WAIT to dispose of. It was a stupid stigma that kept me from getting any.

Most guys I dated: "Oh, you're still a virgin? I may be a total slut, but now I feel like I shouldn't take that away from you."

Me: "Nooooooooooooooooooo! Just take it, dammit! I promise I won't think you're special."

I suppose I think of sex more casually than most. But... that's what I wanted. Casual sex. I didn't care about a special, lovely, hearts floating out of my ass type experience. I wanted a getting off then going home experience.

(shrug) Didn't care about it, still don't care. Like Rowan, though, I had trouble losing it if I admitted to it, and I actually lost my boyfriend at the time when I admitted to him that he'd been my first and I hadn't told him. So it was a relief to get rid of it.

All throughout my childhood I thought "virgin" meant spontaneously becoming pregnant! (My only exposure to the word was in the context of the virgin Mary-- understandable, I suppose, seeing as I have a pastor for a dad.) I didn't learn until high school what it really meant. XD

In any case, I think virginity is a really arbitrary concept. I mean, what defines honest-to-goodness, virginity-losing sex from "sexual things that aren't really sex?" I've done the same general things with two different partners, but with one it was clearly intended as experimentation and didn't feel like sex at all, while the other it was clearly intended as sex and very much felt like it. I can't draw a clear line where I "lost my virginity."

For some people, sex is a big deal. For others, it's not. It's a personal thing and not the same for everyone. (For me, personally, I think sex is a big deal but virginity and the loss thereof is not.) Regardless, though, the most basic things to take into account are, "Are you being safe?" and "Do you feel comfortable?"  Also, like a few other people have said, it does help if you know and are comfortable with the person (whether romantically or as a friend)-- especially the first time or few times. It's not a necessary prerequisite by any means, but it is helpful for preventing future regrets as well as potentially dangerous/uncomfortable situations.