Im thinking of just asking my mum to take me to a psychologist before I come out to her. Anybody else ever happen to try this? What was your parents reaction???

I think this is the only way im ever going to get somwere.....

seems like a good idea to me , if it gets you somewhere then why not
i did go to a psychologist before i come out ,my mom's reaction to me going to one was cool because at that time i was severely depressed among other things . but i didn't come out to her though , but she seems to notice but as long as i'm not doing anythng about it she's cool with it
good luck

Your not the first to mention doing so. Some told parents they wanted to see someone for depression or career counseling.

I did before I came to terms and the very first time I came out to my mother.  She remained calm in the face of the psychologist and things were kinda skirted about.  Afterward she still stuck kinda with a grow out of it thing, never went back, and things got swept under the rug again.  However I did handle it poorly while there as well.

It is still a better option in my opinion though.  You can speak to someone about it, get some more knowledge, have some backing to your claims when you do come out to your parent, and hopefully get them to see it isn't just a phase in you.  Plus it helps to bring in that neutral third party to keep down any yelling and such things that could occur.

When I went I just handled it poorly.  I didn't press the issue while there to get my mother to talk about it, I caved in to early and let my mother talk to her alone for much of my appointment, and I didn't speak enough to the psychologist beforehand about my plans to come out there as well.

I think it is a better option myself but I'd plan for it and get some time 'n' such in first with them.  Then when you get them to go don't let them skirt around the real issue get them to talk while there with the other party and make sure it is the hard to answer stuff.  Don't cave to early and lose all your time with the third party the first time to monitor thing on solo talks alone.  And also let the psychologist know your plans so you can work with them.

Good luck.

It might be worth a try... but there are two pitfalls, one potentially quite serious. The first minor one is of course the obvious question that they will ask when you akse to see a psychologist is WHY?

But the major problem is that NOT ALL PSYCHOLOGISTS are trans friendly or aware.

Trust me you don't want to end up with one who believes in putting you through reparative therapy. It is like dying a thousand deaths, but once your parents have been advised by a "professional" that that is the best course you will never escape it! Please don't risk that because from personal experience it is not nice... and if you want corroboration on that just ask Gothique11.

So the bottom line is - if you ask to be taken to a psychologist, when your parents asks WHY? as they inevitably will, YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST tell them THE TRUTH the whole truth and nothing but the truth or you risk getting taken to someone who knows nothing about the condition. So in effect at that point you have to come out to them anyway - so why not just get it over with?

I went to a psychologist for depression (my parents knew I wasn't doing that well, so they were fine with it) and after a while, when I trusted her (the psychologist) I came out to her. Seeing her really helped me understand myself, and I was finally able to make progress in the direction I wanted. I saw a gender psychologist and an endocrinologist, my parents even drove me to the appointments, and they thought it was for depression (well it a ways it was, so I wasn't lying ).

I was very scared about coming out to my parents (they turned out to be very accepting though ), I'm dependent on them, I didn't know how they would react, they could stop taking me to my appointments, or just kick me out of the house. To jenny I'd say NOT ALL PARENTS are trans friendly or aware, getting support from doctors/therapists/etc can really help with coming out to your parents. If you are dependent on your parents, and are positive they will 1. not kick you out, and 2. help you get a psychologist for gender issues, then by all means go for it. If you aren't sure then I'd be wary of it, and see if they will take you to a psychologist/etc. All the psychologists/psychiatrists/etc (whether they were trans friendly or not) I've seen kept everything confidential, and my parents had no part in my therapy if I didn't want them to (even when I wasn't legally an adult).

Listen to Jenny and find the right therapist.
I found the wrong therapist when I was in my 20's and it took me 20 years to get over the hateful sh!t he poured into my mind. 20 years of living with a constantly strengthining dysphoria.

I did, I told my parents I needed to see a therapist. My dad persisted to know what was wrong though so he can find the right help, so I came out in a way without planning to do so. I never ended up seeing a therapist after all of this and eventually came out to my mom and sister but at that time I was prepared and planned to do so...

Lack of decent help in my area and lack of money was why I never ended up seeing a therapist...

Quote from: Katelyn-W on June 15, 2010, 01:24:20 PM
To jenny I'd say NOT ALL PARENTS are trans friendly or aware, getting support from doctors/therapists/etc can really help with coming out to your parents.

True but it can also go the other way, that is all I am pointing out. It is a risk either way, but from my perspective I would say that as your parents love you and want the best for you, to me they are a better bet than some unknown therapist. Unless you know that your parents have a hostile attitude to that sort of stuff then there is every reason to trust them rather than some unknown person whose professional views cannot be guarranteed.

My parents were about as trans friendly as they come. I'd been out sice the age of five or less, not easy back then either, but even they became somewhat hostile when advised to do so by the first therapist that I had the bad luck to see aged 17. Later on the confessed that they didn't want to do it but felt that it was the best they could do as the professional had advised them that it was the best way they could encourage me to grow up and grow out of my "childhood confusion."

The result of that first therapist was that I actually got delayed by several years and not helped at all... my previously accepting parents also started to become less accomodating to my cross gender expression and I ended up living in a most uncomfortable way for over six years. That doesn't sound like a lot now - but back when I was 17 felt like a disaster of cosmic proportions.

My point is that trying to dodge the elephant in the room is sometimes a futile exercise, and everything I have learned in my subsequent 30+ years tells me that trusting people, particularly those whom you love, with the simple truth is usually the best choice.

I guess it comes down to knowing your parents, if you aren't close with them or not sure how they will react maybe seeing help first is the right choice. Otherwise getting support from parents, especially at a younger age can go along way when it comes time to find professional help or going about whatever road you wish to take. I know without my parents and sister's support the past few months I probably would be a really bad place right now...

I did it, they thought I was weird.

Then I told them I'm trans, now they think I'm extra weird.

I'd call that a success story.

Quote from: Heartwood on June 15, 2010, 02:24:32 PM
I did it, they thought I was weird.

Then I told them I'm trans, now they think I'm extra weird.

I'd call that a success story.

OMG! That is a relief isn't it?
So how did they take it?

Quote from: cynthialee on June 15, 2010, 02:28:12 PM
OMG! That is a relief isn't it?
So how did they take it?

Well, I was joking.

But they didn't take it super well, although I definitely wouldn't call it super bad either.

I pretty much got therapy and got the entire issue ignored by my parents.

Hmmmm thank you all.

I actully have another reason to go see a psychologist so it would not really be a huge problem, but not all of them are trans friendly. Nothing serious, but still enough should would take. Somthing abit weird but ill say it   I can see others peoples future at times, I can also look through other peoples eyes and see what they see. (Witch can be extremly scary at times  )

So I would have no trouble getting there

Quote from: justme19 on June 15, 2010, 05:43:07 PM
Hmmmm thank you all.

I actully have another reason to go see a psychologist so it would not really be a huge problem, but not all of them are trans friendly. Nothing serious, but still enough should would take. Somthing abit weird but ill say it   I can see others peoples future at times, I can also look through other peoples eyes and see what they see. (Witch can be extremly scary at times  )

So I would have no trouble getting there

I would keep that to myself if I were you. Especialy if it is true. (Which I do not doubt. I have noticed an uncany amount of psychic ability in the trans population.)

I guess you have a fair point there...... My mum is the only one who knows anyways(she also belives me ), I was just going to use that as a excuse to go to a psychologist, I would never tell others that.

Quote from: justme19 on June 15, 2010, 07:15:50 PM
I guess you have a fair point there...... My mum is the only one who knows anyways(she also belives me ), I was just going to use that as a excuse to go to a psychologist, I would never tell others that.

Don't take this the wrong way - because I too share that ability, but if you tell a psychologist that, almost anyone here could predict your future... and it could all too easily involve years of being treated for psychiatric delusions that you don't have.

That is definitely NOT one to tell to a psychologist under any circumstances whatsoever.

On it's own it might not matter, but couple it with believing that you are female (which from the point of view of some psychologists is also a delusional state) and some psychatrists would want to start checking carefully to see if you were schitzoid... schizophrenia is absolutely not something you want to run even a slight risk of being misdiagnosed with.

Allow a doctor just the merest hint of a hint of a hint of you having what they would view as delusional states of mind and you could kiss goodbye being allowed to have SRS!

It's one of the MAJOR criteria of the diagnosis. The patient must NOT appear to be delusional in any other way! Fail that one and you will almost certainly never get to that operating table.

So please for you own sake, even if you ignore everything else I have ever said here, please whatever you may do in the future, do not at any cost go telling a psychologist that you believe you are psychic... because to many shrinks, having magical thinking coupled with a "delusuion" (their words not mine) of being female could put you half way to a false diagnosis of schizophrenia.

psychiatrists are those folk ewho want to jab you full of zombie drugs and put you in a padded cell until  'you learn to be a man!'...always kept well away from them.

Quote from: lilacwoman on June 16, 2010, 07:35:06 AM
psychiatrists are those folk ewho want to jab you full of zombie drugs and put you in a padded cell until  'you learn to be a man!'...always kept well away from them.

Does this tend to come with or without a straight jacket   Because those things are style'ish

I'm not sure if they use straitjackets these days..last I saw was on news about 20 years ago...

when I was little any weird behaviour made people say 'you'll end up in Stores Hall' that being the local loonie bin ...
I've actually had loads of meetings with spychiatrists adn they have been uniformly nice if not well up on TS matters.