Ok so I have finally come to terms with being transgendered. Spent years thinking about it and I know that inside I am positively male. I've spent a long time weighing the pros and cons and theres one thing that seems to be holding me back and that is sexuality.
Now I like males. Always have since being young all the way through puberty. I have no interest to experiment with a woman. I am not physically attracted to them and I dont tend to find them that interesting (no offense but I just dont have a great deal in common) If I was into females I would definatly want to transistion but because I like men I feel a little unsure.
Through high school, despite feeling male, I tried to wear girls clothing especially t-shirts that would show my breasts. This was because I wanted a boyfriend and theres always a lot of pressure at school to have a partner. I felt uncomfortable but at least this why guys were noticing me. Again if I liked women I would of probably stuck with my male clothing to attract them.
I would get very upset coz I'd get a gang on d**kheads coming up thinking they were clever asking me what gender I was and it got annoying so once again tried to be more feminine so no one would take the mick.
Now that i've come to terms with things and high school is over I feel happy in my male clothing as I dont have to deal with those idiots and I have a boyfriend so no need to get any attention off men.
So the main issues concerning swapping gender is mainly just sex. I feel I will miss some of my feminine appearance as that is what obviously attracts guys. I know that if I am male gay guys will be attracted to me but it would obviously be harder to meet a gay guy just out and about. Plus it would really get on my nerves if girls kept approaching me or if some guy mates ask if I have a girlfriend. Also I am scared to be gay. I wouldnt want to admit it in fear of being beaten up (and I sure as hell cant fight. The wind can beat me in a fight).
Sex itself would obviously feel different too. I enjoy having sex as a woman and ,although not always so comfortable with it, I sometimes dont mind acting feminine when it comes to the bedroom so if I do that as a guy it would feel wierd lol.
Anyway thats just how I feel and I was wondering if any other gay trans guy have these sort of worries. Even if you are a straight trans guy (or even a trans woman gay or straight) it would be nice to hear how sexuality effects your decision when transistioning.


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I think I might actually be in the same boat as you on this one.  I'm not really afraid of being beaten up or of being gay, but it definitely will be weird to have that, "Does that guy over there on the bus think I'm hot?" taken away (albeit willingly). 

Also, I have a straight boyfriend and we have a kid together (IE: We won't be breaking up) but, as understanding as he is, I still worry for him being put into a gay relationship.  I feel like he'll find me less attractive too.  Also, he has a fetish for nylons, high-heels, and other girly stuff.  I would still wear that stuff for him in private, but how would my body hair affect how he thinks about these things? I might just ruin it for him...

When I first brought the topic up with him, I said something like, "I want a penis!"  He has a thing for pre-op transgirls I found out, so I think that's what he envisioned.  Sadly, I'll most likely be the opposite of that!  Glad to know I'm not alone on this.

Just a thought, but it seems, from what you are saying, that you would be more comfortable being somewhere inbetween.

That seems perfectly reasonable to me.

It may take some time for you to sort out your identity and you are right to do this within the context of your relationship. Relationships are, after all, two people living as one.

I think you are both displaying the wide variety of gender and sexuality that exists. There is absolutely nothing odd or peculiar about that. One thing this board has taught me is to be comfortable with yourself. There are no lines, there is no correct gender or sexual identity. There is you. I think you are both blessed to have partners who love you.

Have fun with it. If your partner enjoys certain fantasies, and they don't disturb you, do it.  As should they for you (see later). BTW if you are worried about leg hair and 'girly' wear, try fishnet stockings, hides the hair and lots of guys get turned on by them.

Have you also thought about 'pegging' by what I have read lots of straight guys enjoy it and it may bring the satisfaction to you that you may enjoy. (try Wikipedia for information).

Cindy

Cindy

I went through the same thing you did (literally, the showing-my-breasts and the being feminine in bed and everything). I don't think it's at all uncommon for gay trans guys to go through this. I know for a fact that it's incredibly common for lesbian trans women to prioritize their relationships over their identity - lots of them enter into multi-decadal marriages before finally giving up and coming out in midlife.

Coming out gay is hard. Coming out gay and trans is doubly hard. And the gay part is a separate struggle from the trans part - what we go through has a lot in common with what cis gay guys go through, with the internalized homophobia, the fear of physical assault, the fear of not finding a partner, and so on and so forth. And I know I benefited tons from doing what they do: finding gay male friends to talk to.

I ended up deciding that I need to transition - in large part because I need to be in a gay relationship. I need to be a partner, not a wife. I'm an absolutely terrible wife. So...I'm not *exactly* sure when I'm going to transition physically, but I know I will, because I'm not wired for being female and I'm not wired for being hetero and it's just become impossible to ignore those facts now that I'm out of puberty and the fog of hypersexed pubescence has partly lifted.

But I don't think it's necessarily a bad choice, while you're in that pubescent phase, to enjoy your desirable body as long as you've got it and you want to use it. The one thing I would strongly suggest though, since you identify as a gay guy, is reaching out and making friends with gay guys as soon as possible and spending as much time with them as possible (in their world). You'll want that support network later...and being around them and seeing that they live rewarding and enjoyable lives might end up making you feel more positive about your own sexuality. Also, you get to learn the secret codes and cultural stuff so that you're not so lost when you start presenting as male.

Thanks everyone

Quote from: SnailPace on June 19, 2010, 11:19:34 PM
  Also, he has a fetish for nylons, high-heels, and other girly stuff. ..

My boyfriend also has similar fetishes. He likes stockings, dressing up and tattoos. I will dress up for him and though it feels really wierd and uncomfortable at times I know it makes him happy so I can get by that. I have a tattoo on my bicep that he loves but if I become a guy he will no longer find it attractive.

And as for "pegging" that is a serious no go lol. He wont let me anywhere near that area at all. Really freaks him out. And to be honest if I was to transistion I wouldnt change anything down there so I could still enjoy "straight" sex.  Like I said I enjoy sex as a woman. If I was to get anything changed down there I dont know how I would feel when it comes to sex.

About being somewhere inbetween I dont really see myself like that. I do see myself as male and feel male but I suppose there are a few feminine traits that I will miss if I was to transistion. My support worker is trying to help me find a gender therapist but its taking a while. Once I have that maybe things will be clearer.

It's true that being Trans and Gay can seriously cut down the number of guys you have access to.  Straight guys won't be interested - there goes about 90% out the window.  A lot of gay guys are, shall we say, rather phallo-centric, so that's going to be an issue.  That really only leaves you the bi guys and a few open-minded gay men.  And I'll be honest, the chances of a guy sticking with you through transition, unless he was already bi-sexual to begin with, are slim to none. 

That was one of the things that made me hesitate for a long time before making the choice to transition.  But then a couple of things occurred to me.  #1: I am not at all comfortable being the woman in a relationship, and therefore had a tendency to sabotage every relationship I was in before it got too serious, so I was likely to end up alone whether I transitioned or not.  And #2, and this was the biggie, I realized that as long as I was presenting as female, I could never be really honest with my partner.  If I had to hide the very core of who I was, how could he ever be in love with me?  He would be in love with the person I pretended to be, and what kind of relationship would that be?

So, yeah, the thought of dating as a transman, and risking being rejected because of the configuration of my body, scares the spit out of me.  But at least, if I do find someone who loves me, I'll know that it's really me he's in love with.

Here's hoping the chances are "slim" as opposed to "none"!

I'm lucky a little in that sense though, because although my boyfriend identifies as straight, many would call him "heteroflexible".  He likes pegging and the sort. (So Cindy, yeah I've thought about it, and enjoyed it too!)  Also, I'm glad that I'm not too adverse to dressing in drag and whatnot for the sake of fun, otherwise I would be a bit more stressed about all of this, haha!

Also, there's this gay transguy on YouTube I found who is dating another transguy.  I thought that was a nice little arrangement, they could really help eachother out and really understand what the other was going through.

Was it a guy called Warren? I dont remember his account name but he's a gay trans guy dating another trans guy. I enjoy his videos.

I've worried pretty much the same thing.  However, my current boyfriend is bisexual and is with me no matter what I do.  As long as I'm happy, he's happy (or so he says).  I'm really grateful that because I really don't want to be stuck with gay guys or girls (can't seem to find any girls here who are open-minded about trans people).

Quote from: spacial on June 20, 2010, 02:58:09 AMRelationships are, after all, two people living as one.

Only two? Only one?

Arch is right, we can't leave out the poly folk!

I think his name is Warren, I don't remember exactly either, what with all of those amazing FTM vlogs on YouTube!

I saw myself as gay even before I knew what it was. I mean, I saw myself as a guy with other guys. My sexuality is a big reason I finally transitioned.

Before transition, I did worry that I would never have another sexual relationship. But I felt that transition was my only option. At least now I can live as a gay man and be recognized as such by other gay men. For me, the social angle is awesome. And being true to myself.

MRH, it sounds like your gender dysphoria might not be severe enough to force you to transition, or maybe you are really an androgyne or somewhere in the middle. If you feel that you can choose whether to transition (rather than feeling like transition is your only option), that's a huge advantage. One thing, though: it might not last forever. I don't want to put a damper on things, but your feelings can change. I hope you can just go with whatever makes you happy.

I have been thinking about it over and over again and perhaps I am somewhere in between but I know that when I present myself as male I am much happier and a lot more confident. I have a huge amount of paranoia down to my mental health status but it seems to be lifted slightly when I am male. As a female I feel restricted and limited to what I can say. Plus I feel really awkward in womens clothing (admittedly I still wear womens jeans but they look unisex). Like I said if i was into women maybe my dysphoria would be worse and I would want to transistion quickly because I would really want to be seen as a straight male. As I have lived as a straight woman I insistively want to keep the feminine attributes to my body to be viewed as attractive. Maybe its because ive never had to worry about being a gay man because even though I feel male when it came to sexuality I always viewed myself as straight. I guess its just that realization that not only am I thrown into a new and scary world of being a man but also thrown into the gay world which has never occured to me before. I do have one gay friend but we arent close enough to hang out with each other and talk. I could maybe trick him by saying im making a documentary about life as a gay teen and I need to have a first hand story lol.

I'm having the exact same problem. All my life I've been living as a straight female but since I was little I have always feel like I'm a guy trapped in a girl's body, a gay guy. But given the situation I'm in, I just can't dress up fully as a male. One because I have low self esteem and afraid people would tease me and such. Two, because same like you, I wanted guys to notice me. =\
And also, I do like some of my feminine traits and I'd like to keep em. But I just dont feel comfortable at all wearing such feminine clothes and acting all feminine. Being a guy and having all the freedom is much more enjoyable. And I feel so like myself.

Life is just so hard aint it. *sigh

It is and can be very confusing. I went through the same thing.

I finally figured out that 'Gender' is in the brain. I do not look between my legs to know who I am. I know I am a woman.

On the same thought my brain tells me I am straight ... a woman who desires a man.It was confusing for a time and can be over whelming. But I finally figured it out and in doing so became comfortable with myself.

Good luck on your journey or quest. You will find the answer when its right for you. Then you'll wonder, why you had a problem.

Take care.

you can have Gay transman with gay transman relationship

Quote from: accord03 on June 27, 2010, 09:31:34 AMyou can have Gay transman with gay transman relationship

I'm pretty sure this kind of relationship isn't for me. But MRH, I think this suggestion was aimed at you. What are your thoughts?

Mmm, a gay friend of mine seems to have settled into a transmens' relationship too. I can't speak for the sexual pros or cons, but what matters to them is that both are confident in being treated a certain way. That's always seemed like a risk to me, as someone born male but dreaming of a lesbian relationship. I don't think I've ever managed to dress in an attractive masculine way, like you describe as a woman to attract men, but I have worried about the fact a future partner might want me to act in a masculine way, despite being female.

It all gets thoroughly confusing, and in the end I simply decided that I'd go with the flow. I plan to transition in order to feel better about myself and to stand a chance of attracting other, interested women. ..but then I guess that's a lot easier when you start out single, and so can stamp an authoritative marker on the beginning of a relationship. ^^;

Perhaps it is just a matter of being up-front about what you're looking for? It will make finding a  guy harder, but when you do meet, you would probably be much happier.

Personally I dont think I would be comfortable being with another transman. I dont wanna be too explicit but I like penis lol. If he's pre op im not sure if I would be ok with him having a vagina which I know is hypocritical because I will be keeping my vagina and I hope someone can accept me that way. I just dont think i would be comfortable touching it. I hate the feel of "down there" lol so I dont think I would be able to do anything sexually. But if this person was amazing and everything I wanted then maybe I could look past the fact they dont have a penis but otherwise its not something I really want.