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how to be sure that you are mtf

Started by lucaluca, May 24, 2010, 11:17:37 AM

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BunnyBee


So, where does red stop and orange begin?

The spectrum analogy is very apt.  The colors blend smoothly into each other.  There are infinite shades and hues between crimson and scarlet, for goodness sakes.  The only dividing lines are the ones we make artificially.  But then, nobody's going to argue that purple is the same color as yellow.

It's this fuzziness between obvious differentiations that invites the arguments, in my opinion.  Humans like to categorize and put things in their proper buckets.  The undefinable and the shades of grey that exist in our world drive most people completely mad.
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Cindy

I suppose another way is that we all try in some way to live our lives in a meaningful, productive and contented state. If you gender is an issue that prevents that from happening to you, then maybe you have a gender problem. BTW I'm using the royal you :laugh:.

If you get pleasure from an act such as 'dressing up' but are otherwise content and happy, maybe you do not have a gender problem.  I never think there is any reason to feel 'upset or disgusted' by wanting to dress up in female attire to feel good; it doesn't make you odd. Lots of male gender people seem to enjoy it. Good on them. It doesn't make them TG, just guys who get fun out of a particular fantasy. I can think of nothing wrong with that.

I certainly get pleasure out of dressing nicely, being seen and accepted as  female but it is not a 'sexual' pleasure. It is an acceptance pleasure.  I think another way of distinguishing feelings is how do you feel when you look at a really cute woman or guy.

Please I'm going to leave homosexuality out of the discussion here.

If you see an attractive well dressed woman and think Lord she's cute must try that look. Or talking with a friend and suddenly :laugh: discuss a mutual friend as being a really good looking sexy lady, you may have a female gender. It appears very common for female to appreciate female appearance  in a none sexual way.

If you see the same woman and get sexual urges etc etc. You may be having male gender reactions.

There are a series of adverts in Australia at the moment being run by Jim Beam at bottle shops. They show very attractive young women with few clothes on. Yes stuff that should have been in the bin 35 years ago :laugh:. I look at them and think, wish my breasts looked like that. Cute bikini. I think I'll try that eye makeup. I don't think male gender people have the same thoughts.

Cindy

JMO
Cindy
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glendagladwitch

Well, I think the OP is asking about whether or not to attempt transition.  The simple answer is that everybody is different, and no one can tell you for sure.  Even doctors who treat for GID and write letters for surgery say they don't really know until after the surgery has taken place and they find out whether the patient adjusts well to the final result. 

But if you are considering transition, odds are you have some things that you need to explore.  Following the standards of care is wise in most cases, and it helps to have some financial and social resources in place before starting.  Electrolysis and anti androgens might be a good first step, then hormone therapy followed by living in the new gender.  If you have doubts about genital surgery, then I suggest you try some sort of cosmetic surgery to the face or chest first.  I don't know anyone who has had that kind of surgery, then gone ahead and gotten genital surgery, and regretted the genital surgery.

As far as starting at age 22, that's when I started.  I wish I had started sooner, but I'm glad I didn't wait any longer to start my life.  Hormones aren't magic.  They don't change adult bone structure or voice, and everyone's response is different.  I think a young start helps some, especially with a more rapid change.  But I've seen people who transitioned in their 40s and who put me to shame as far as passability.  If you are in a vulnerable place right now because your family won't help and you don't have financial independence, it would be better to wait than to put your life in danger by attempting transition in what could rapidly become a homelessness situation.

Regarding the linguistic disagreements over whether a non-op person is or is not "a transexual," back in the day when I was going through transition, being a transexual was considered a phase.  It meant "actively in the process of transitioning."  Once the person stopped transitioning, they were simply a man or a woman or a hermaphrodite or an androgyne or what have you, at least in a legal or medical sense.  It wasn't an identity like it seems to be now for some people.  And for those who stop transitioning part way, and who might be hermaphrodite in a legal or medical sense, the only way to know for sure whether they are male or female is to ask them.  The MTF non-op person who says she is female is no less female than the MTF post-op person who says she is female, and no more female than the legally/medically male non-transitioner who says she's a female.  True gender is self-expressed.  The legally imposed and medically recognised statuses do not define who or what we are.

Like everyone else, I have my own hangups and pet peeves about the way that the language is used.  I hate to see the word "transgender" used as a noun instead of an adjective, and the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association Associated Press Stylebook Supplement on LGBT Terminology supports that it is an adjective, and not a noun.  So I flinch every time I see someone called "a transgender" instead of "a transgender person."  I similarly don't like to see anyone called "a black" or "a gay."  I like to get the word "person" in there whenever possible.  And when it comes to the word "transexual," that's still just a medical diagnosis to me, and I avoid using it to say what a person is or is not, but that's just me.
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Alyssa M.

I hope my last post wasn't too inflammatory. I certainly have strong feelings around this subject, and I meant to express that feeling, not animosity toward anyone in this particular thread.

Glenda -- I think you're right on about the OP. I hope I got across a similar point. Indeed there's a lot to explore, and these questions are well worth asking, but I don't think they can be rightly answered, except through a realization of the limitations of language, words, definitions, identities, etc.

Jen, the spectrum of visual light is my favorite metaphor -- actually, my favorite case of a general principle about the whole of human knowledge (at least a posteriori knowledge). Not only is our knowledge uncertain, but so are the concepts we apply. For that reason, I think words are best used as signposts naming nearby regions of semantic space (red, scarlet, transsexual, The West, whatever), not as boundaries marking the limits of what is conceivable.

At some point before or during transition we find ourself adrift in unknown regions of semantic space, and we
cling to labels to help use understand who we are, to help us define ourselves. I would hope when some people say, "I'm not trans-anything," they are losing the need to define their identity because of nefound confidence, though the defensiveness I perceive makes me doubtful. In any case, I'd rather spend my time living my life than being a semantic border guard.
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

   - Anatole France
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Debra

I've heard it often described that most crossdressers feel like dressing gives them release and allows them to go back to their male lives, feeling complete.

While transsexuals find that same release with dressing but then going back to their male lives tends to be a horrible torment.

I know it wast he latter for me. The more I crossdressed, the more I wanted. Each step I took, I left myself open to the fact that maybe I wasn't TS....when I took hormones, when I went full time....each time seeing if I would get bored, if things wouldn't feel right......but they all did.

And here I am, living a wonderful life I never thought possible.

It also had its sacrifices though

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Agent_J

I've heard people say that they loved Halloween because they could dress as their desired gender.  For me it was the reverse; I refused to do so on those single-day opportunities because I knew going back after that day would be too difficult.

I've found it useful to also look at the other side of these questions, e.g. how would one know one isn't?
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K8

I agree, Jerica.  It was very much the same for me.  For years I had convinced myself that I was a cross-dresser, but I was a closeted cross-dresser never interacting with anyone while dressed.  The morning after the first time I went to a public event dressed as a woman, I had a terrible time convincing myself to put on male clothes.  I knew then that my quiet life as a closeted cross-dresser was in jeopardy.

I eased into life as a woman, telling my friends I was transgendered and purposely not being specific about what that meant, starting to get my facial hair removed, starting hormones "just to soften my contours," even changing my name legally so that I'd have female-named ID.  By then I knew I had to try living full-time.  As I edged ever more into the warm, comforting waters of being a woman I became ever more certain that I was doing the right thing.

And as you said:
Quote from: Jerica on June 29, 2010, 03:36:02 PM
And here I am, living a wonderful life I never thought possible.

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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cynthialee

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 29, 2010, 04:09:36 PM
If one has zero desire to be or dress as the opposite sex.
I'll cosign that.
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'
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BunnyBee

Alyssa, I'm totally with you on all of that :).
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barbie

Just do it.
  • skype:barbie?call
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Dana_W

Quote from: Jen on June 28, 2010, 11:52:07 PM
So, where does red stop and orange begin?

The spectrum analogy is very apt.  The colors blend smoothly into each other.  There are infinite shades and hues between crimson and scarlet, for goodness sakes.  The only dividing lines are the ones we make artificially.  But then, nobody's going to argue that purple is the same color as yellow.
One of the more interesting things I learned studying anthropology as an undergrad was that different cultures actually DO define colors differently. We all see the same color spectrum. But, depending on the culture we're raised within, we don't acknowledge the same colors. Some see a lot more. Some see less. Some are completely at odds over where the line is drawn between one color and the next.

This isn't a refutation of your point, Jen. Just adding a bit more geeky context to bolster it.  ;)
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BunnyBee

I always love more geeky context! :)
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