I have a question.  Before transition, did anyone ever use anything to try to ease the pain.  I used to read a lot of transgendered fiction at a place called storysite.org.  I tried to read stories that were the most realistic and stayed away from the XXX fiction.  When I see characters in TV shows that have similar traits to myself, it gives me hope.  What did everyone else use to ease the anguish? 

I read a lot of science fiction, and wrote (still write) it too. I feel like a preteen/early teens boy who never grew up properly, so I guess it's fitting (the golden age of science fiction is twelve, after all!) I also play online games as an escape from reality.

And in reality, I ended up being sort of weirdly hypermasculine - much more so than I really am - being a firefighter, serving in the military, playing baseball, studying physics, anything that asserted "I'm not like those other girls."

I actually played MMOs constantly. It was like living in another world where I didn't have to think about my own issues

Quote from: Jerica on July 12, 2010, 03:18:23 PM
I actually played MMOs constantly. It was like living in another world where I didn't have to think about my own issues

You have nice videos on youtube. 

Well, if you follow the reports about T Toxicity, you might just try some anti-androgens.  A lot of medical professionals will give those out immediately, as a first step before prescribing E.

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

Not sure if this is what you mean, but I've gotten more into hobbies in the past 12 years or so.  Note that I've been in deep denial about my dysphoria for almost 30 years, but in the past 12 years I've gotten into model airplanes, home brewing (all-grain, from scratch), and making musical instruments.  I made a violin between 2007-2009.  By hand, from scratch.  And I read voraciously, mostly biographies and non-fiction, but also literature (and, okay, some pulp fiction, who am I kidding?).  Lest you say that these all seem like masculine pursuits for a girl, well, I have observed women enjoying all of these, and also I haven't started transitioning yet.  No idea if I would still have all these interests post-transition, but I think they'll always be a part of me.  Meantime, since I've become self-aware about my dysphoria, it's increasingly difficult to pay attention to anything else... 

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Post Merge: July 12, 2010, 07:40:56 PM

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Quote from: Jerica on July 12, 2010, 03:18:23 PM
I actually played MMOs constantly. It was like living in another world where I didn't have to think about my own issues

MMOs?

Quote from: Kim Ireland on July 12, 2010, 07:40:03 PM
MMOs?

Massive Multiplayer Online games. Think World of Warcraft or Second Life.

Thanks.  My biggest game addiction is computer solitaire... 

Your not alone Kim.  Solitaire and Mah-jong for me. 

A GP had me try Lexapro, which (to my literal astonishment) nuked a lot of my dysphoria for several months. Then it quit working and I just recently managed to break my addiction to it.

Well I drank enough alcohol to drown a walrus every night. Passed out a lot. And in the waking moments got into a lot of arguments.

I wouldn't recommend any of that. But you did ask. 

Transition is a much more pleasant option.

Quote from: Kim Ireland on July 12, 2010, 09:01:11 PM
Thanks.  My biggest game addiction is computer solitaire... 

I'm SO addicted to playing solitaire hahaha

Quote from: lauren3332 on July 12, 2010, 07:31:31 PM
You have nice videos on youtube.

Thank you =)

Yes, I also drank a lot. It was completely useless to deal with dysphoria. I'm glad that part of my life is over and now I don't drink much at all, and it feels great!
Once I really dealt with the problem, all the others stopped, almost overnight. I was able to feel good just knowing I was on the right course. 

Quote from: Jerica on July 12, 2010, 03:18:23 PM
I actually played MMOs constantly. It was like living in another world where I didn't have to think about my own issues

Ditto.  I was sure it was just an escape mechanism when my desire to play evaporated completely upon beginning HRT.

MMO-player here, as well, though... Well; WoW simply doesn't hold for me any more.. (Waiting for the next expansion pack!)
I'm not that much of an escapist, and at the same time, I am... For me, it's mostly writing, talking, forumming...
Of course I do have my Dungeons and Dragons night every week.  I'm súch a nerd...
But really; it's fun. My new character is a zombie cleric who specializes in healing.

Anyway.. Easing the anguish of Dysphoria..? I try to not look down too much.. Try to ignore my body, and let my 'false' self-image take over. So.. I'm balancing just away from actual anguish, and am quite constantly in 'merely very unconfortable.'
Apart from that: Busy, busy, busy! Lots of things I can do, lots of things to do! Every minute not spent doing something is.. My precious illusion being shattered. So.. Escapism. Yeah.

I'm at that point of trying to distract myself too, and sadly my World of Warcraft habit lapsed all too recently when I ran out of money. ^^;

Second Life, though not an MMO, was a big part of my life for 4 years. It definitely helped me realise that I was trans, and it became a bit of a crutch as I later experimented with a feminine me. I had to end that though, as I felt it was becoming a sink for other feelings I might have better results with in first life. So, I did as all the best people do and brought elements of it back into reality - and found out I actually could consider transition.

Nowadays I either bludgeon my senses with other PC games, keep writing games designs, or let more anguish in with job-hunting - just keeping busy really, particularly if I can dress properly while at it.

I can't really say I recommend the jobseeking gauntlet as therapy. It doesn't help much.

Pre transition...

Played violent video games
Played violent music and hung out with not so nice people
Perused a career as the next Keith Richards (and a plethora of other rock stars and there associated bad habits)
Listened to violent music
Spent way too much sober time reading sci-fi/fantasy novels
Being a lonely mean self loathing person.

My guitar playing is better than ever. I spend alot of time distracting myself learning complicated solos and building, buying, and customizing everything guitar related!


Nothing really works though. I'm starting HRT soon. I think that may be the ticket.

Quote from: jillblum on July 15, 2010, 02:11:10 AM
My guitar playing is better than ever. I spend alot of time distracting myself learning complicated solos and building, buying, and customizing everything guitar related!


Nothing really works though. I'm starting HRT soon. I think that may be the ticket.

I played for more than ten years before transition, but I didn't really get good until after transition, and going to college, and getting a job.  It's amazing how much time is freed up by no longer obsessing over transition, and guitar is something a person can really immerse themselves in.  It's the most expressive, polyphonic instrument, and discovering tone secrets can just be mindblowing and addictive, especially if you have the money to sink into gear.