I remember when I was transitioning I would have given anything to meet some post ops, but they weren't around.  Four years to transition and I only met three post-ops that I know of.

A few years ago, some post ops that I met and who had a little group going said they started it because they weren't welcome at the local transitioners group.  The preops who ran that local group did not want their help.

Recently, I've contacted a local TG group by email for the info about the meetings, and my emails go unanswered. 

Why do you think this happens?

I think partly because as one moves on in life one's priorities change. So it is very difficult to construct a group which could satisfy the needs of both groups.

Also I imagine that for some preop people they want to do it THEIR way, and probably quite rightly too. They probably don't want us old know-it-alls telling them what to do.

Personally I have never been a member of such an IRL group anyway. Never felt the need!

Susans is a bit different and is the exception to that. I come here mainly because I enjoy having the chance to put something back into the community which helped me.

The IRL group I am part of is mostly transguys but there are representatives of all stages of transition. We have a dude who is done and a dude who is just starting and some folks inbetween like me.
I think the big thing we have going for our local group it is inclusive of both guys and girls. By shooting for all inclusive the tendancy to fragment is somewhat averted.

Couple of years before I left.  I wrote to a particular group and I believe at the time it was to seek help in regards to various issues and problems.  I wrote a couple of times and I got some information back, eventually that petered out, because, this group was an extremely long distance away.

These groups then and now are for passing on information and helping others.  Humans will seek others of like kind and form communities from these associations.  In this day and age a much bigger community exists in regards to our issues.  This is of course our illustrious Internet. 

These communities will continue to thrive in their own environments, people will come and go, communities will include and exclude people for various reasons, this is the normal behaviour of groups, some will survive, these are the communities that will adapt.  Other will die, because they refuse to adapt or have such a restrictive behaviour.

I also, was never a member of any of these groups, because I was living my life and any information I needed was found around me and my personal privacy was another factor that stopped me from getting involved.

Take care

Kind regards
Sarah B

Maybe you didn't mean it to come off this way but it sounds to me like you were looking for a fan club.

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 22, 2010, 06:02:17 PMA few years ago, some post ops that I met and who had a little group going said they started it because they weren't welcome at the local transitioners group.  The preops who ran that local group did not want their help.

Seems to me that if it's a group of transitioners, then by definition it isn't for pre-ops.

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 22, 2010, 06:02:17 PMRecently, I've contacted a local TG group by email for the info about the meetings, and my emails go unanswered.

On occasion, I will contact some local non-trans organization to get more information or something. They don't always answer e-mails, maybe because they're understaffed or volunteer-based. Is it possible that this is the case here? Maybe a phone call would be better, if there's a phone number. Then you can ask point-blank whether post-ops are unwelcome. (I wouldn't be surprised to find out that they're not welcome...but you never really know why people aren't answering your e-mails.)

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 22, 2010, 06:02:17 PM
I remember when I was transitioning I would have given anything to meet some post ops, but they weren't around.  Four years to transition and I only met three post-ops that I know of.

A few years ago, some post ops that I met and who had a little group going said they started it because they weren't welcome at the local transitioners group.  The preops who ran that local group did not want their help.

Recently, I've contacted a local TG group by email for the info about the meetings, and my emails go unanswered. 

Why do you think this happens?

I think for me i would rarely go to any meetings anyway after i am post op, i will just go on with my life.  Thats what usually happens.  I guess i go to a meeting once a month through my therapist, she has a party for TS people she treats and friends and family, we end up talking lots about pre, post, all that stuff but its more like a pot luck party then a meeting, we just mingle and talk and have fun.

mainly it is because most TG are not TS and have no intention of living full time and losing their male bits.

I jus got banned from one TG forum for posting something similar - I wasn't suportive  LOL

Quote from: Valeriedances on July 23, 2010, 01:49:35 PM
I received alot of support from people via email, but in this particular group there was no connection.

Well you made the effort anyway so it's their loss. Hopefully you'll find a group that is a better fit.

Rereading what I wrote and other posts.  Then considering the original post from Glendagladwitch, where she asks, "why do you think this happens".  I put a list together as to some of the reasons as to why this happens.

• Are jealous that you have got your surgery and they have not.
• You have done everything and they have not. 
• Think you know it all and they are intimidated by you being in their presence.
• Want to do it their way.
• Are changing and you are not.
• Do not want to change and are happy with what they are doing.
• You are not of one them any more and you have moved on.
• You are not of one them and you never were.

As I write this, I have had second thoughts, why bother creating this list?  Trying to second guess as to why you seem out of place or they do not want you there, or they are not interested in what you have done.  You will never know unless you ask them directly.

I was never interested in going to any of these types of meeting and maybe the reason being is, I realised or sensed that I would also be 'out of place' as Valariedances said.  At the present, Susan's is the exception, because I feel comfortable, happy, contented in doing so and I feel as though I'm welcomed here.

Life is too short to worry whys and wherefores in these types of situations, as Wendy1974 said "you made an effort and it is their loss" and if you want to help others, then find another group that wants your help.  If not, find something that you love doing and help others to do what you love doing.

Kind regards
Sarah B

You did not include in your list the thing that ocurred to me, and also to those other people who had that other group for post ops.  What they thought was that the person who ran the group did not want someone else with seemingly more experiance and having more "achievement" clout showing up and stealing their spotlight or threatening their control over the group.

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 23, 2010, 06:28:55 PMYou did not include in your list the thing that ocurred to me, and also to those other people who had that other group for post ops.  What they thought was that the person who ran the group did not want someone else with seemingly more experiance and having more "achievement" clout showing up and stealing their spotlight or threatening their control over the group.

This sounds like a distinct possibility. It does seem strange that the group is run by a pre-op, too. But I can see why they wouldn't want post-ops as regular members.

Quote from: Arch on July 23, 2010, 08:45:15 PM
This sounds like a distinct possibility. It does seem strange that the group is run by a pre-op, too. But I can see why they wouldn't want post-ops as regular members.

I was told that particular group where they were not made welcome was dominated by a one or two long term FTM transitioners who were never going to get surgery becasue of the expense and so were eternally preop.  At least, that's what I remember. 

The local group near me I think is run by a preop MTF who has been transitioning for a couple of years.  It's a job though.  I'm pretty sure she gets paid to do it.  It's a staff position at the local big city GLBT center.

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 22, 2010, 06:02:17 PM
I remember when I was transitioning I would have given anything to meet some post ops, but they weren't around.  Four years to transition and I only met three post-ops that I know of.

A few years ago, some post ops that I met and who had a little group going said they started it because they weren't welcome at the local transitioners group.  The preops who ran that local group did not want their help.

Recently, I've contacted a local TG group by email for the info about the meetings, and my emails go unanswered. 

Why do you think this happens?

probably just because they want to keep the focus on transsexuals in the process of transitioning. in a support group, it's important to have a focus.

I've found that the divide (locally) is more focussed on between CDers and TSs. I've also found that from what I seen in the past there seems to be a reoccurring commonality amongst TG clubs worldwide so it seems and that is... division. You'd think it wouldn't matter we are all marginalised so why not just "come together". It seems too easy of a notion.. but saying that I no longer bother with the clubs as they always go on about money yet never get anywhere with what they do collect, especially after nominating an enthusiastic dimwit to run the club due to lack of peoples & interest. It's the same crappy location and the same old crap each fortnight, not my thing.
I've found the social groups that form outside of the clubs are the best, just the groups of people that form, those that do get along and enjoy each others company no matter what, and you don't need to pay for that.
And I'm sure they'd still continue to form just from the local LGBT pub without the club.. it's amazing how (especially the younger crowd) have never heard of the clubs and just make friends down the pub who help them with info and contacts!

I give props to those clubs around the world that are being run well and flourishing for it

At my local group, we don't discriminate by operative status, etc.

We have pre-, post-, non-op, genderqueer, significant other, and even the occasional "friend of trans" at our meetings.

At a certain point early in the group's development, there was a mass exodus of the "friends and allies" crowd at the actual meetings for one set of reasons, and some of the trans folk who can't stand being around trans folk for that reason. But in a general sense, ours seems to be a pretty healthy, fluid group.

I've seen as few as 4 show up, and so many that seating was an issue.

I don't know of any groups that do not welcome post-ops.  If that's the case, it sounds more like a personality issue rather than a sweeping generalization that post-ops aren't welcome at meetings.

What I do see is a lot of post-ops leave the support groups voluntarily for whatever reason.