When people start to get to me I like to remember Churchill's quote, when a lady accused him of being drunk, "Madam, I may be drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober. You however are irredeemably ugly, and doomed to remain so".
Another from a English girl with a gay father,in reply to a fat bloke, "My Dad might be a poof, but I love him, and anyway at least he didn't eat all the pies!"
Just waiting for the right time to use them!