I feel like all I've done my entire life is shut people out from knowing the real me. So now I just feel so empty and lonely. I don't know why I can't talk to an actual person about me but it is so hard for me. I don't really want to grow up but at the same time I want to be independent. I want someone to love me and it hurts knowing noone really does at least that I can feel. I'm so good at pushing people away. And I know how to be self destructive. Not very good qualities.

I know exactly what you mean. I do that too.

*hughug*