Son is obsessed with being a princess
Posted by Barbara F. Meltz August 11, 2010 06:00 AM

http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/child_caring/2010/08/son_has_a_fasci.html

Hi Barbara,

I have a question that I'm sure others have asked before me. My son, who is 4 1/2, has recently become obsessed with being a princess. We have given him some play clothes, and all he wants to do is wear his pink princess dress, tiara, and ballet slippers, and waltz around the house. Neither my husband nor I have any problem with this ideologically (we were the ones who bought him his first dress), but we're more worried because it has started to consume his thoughts. We've begun to limit the time he can play princess, and when he can't, he will choose other toys, but when he can, he's right back into it.

I am also worried because kids he sees at camp and in the neighborhood have started to say things to him like, "You're a girl, not a boy, because you wear dresses." I don't want that to hurt his feelings or confuse him. I've told him that, while he can absolutely pretend to be a princess, he is still a boy, to which he responds that he now wants to be a girl so he can wear real dresses to school like his sister and me.

Hmmm... I really wonder whether any studies have been done on children with this type of behavior, and whether it is really just 'a phase' as she says.  I remember quite clearly dressing up around this age, and look at the current state of things.  Of course, using me as a case study is such a small sample size that is becomes irrelevant.  But, the point is, is that I think children that express this behavior may be showing a prelude for what is to come; maybe not.  Obviously, displaying this behavior does not cause one to be transgender, but it is merely an expression of what is on the inside.       

I agree that long-term studies about gender expression in children and gender identity later in life are in order.  All we can say right now is that, while there seems to be a relationship between the two for some people, gender expression during childhood does not necessarily predict gender identity during adulthood.

What bothers me is that limiting something as harmless as wearing a dress seems not only pointless but potentially detrimental.  Otherwise, one sends a message to the child that they're defective (because they're basically being punished for being themselves), and that what they're doing is wrong. 

It is a bad idea to send anyone the message that gender variant behavior is wrong - it could lead to hateful feelings towards such behavior in themselves and/or others later on.

Son is obsessed with being a princess
Posted by Barbara F. Meltz
11 August, 2010


http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/child_caring/2010/08/son_has_a_fasci.html


Hi Barbara,

I have a question that I'm sure others have asked before me. My son, who is 4 1/2, has recently become obsessed with being a princess. We have given him some play clothes, and all he wants to do is wear his pink princess dress, tiara, and ballet slippers, and waltz around the house. Neither my husband nor I have any problem with this ideologically (we were the ones who bought him his first dress), but we're more worried because it has started to consume his thoughts. We've begun to limit the time he can play princess, and when he can't, he will choose other toys, but when he can, he's right back into it.