Gabrielle
I don't know your father, obviously. But reading his reply and putting it with your mother's and step-father's response, plus the information he has suppllied about himself I get the following impressios.
Your father is detached from his family. He seems to feel that, to an extent, it is caused by other factors. He mentioned his problems with his own medications. He may well be feeling, to an extent, that his own position as a father, is undermined. But again, his mentioning of those medications suggests he is looking that that rather than anything else.
Presented with this option for enormous change, a change which will alter his entire preceptions of himself, as a father of a son, and of the life that has been blocked by other factors, his son.
He has, perhaps not unnaturally, reacted by saying, no, I can't lose my self image in this way. From there he has sought to find justification.
Now reading his justifications. He seems to be centred on two main points. Morality and your previous personality.
Morally his position is his own really. But you may have an opening here to compromise. We each have our own morality. If you think about it, we often make moral type statements in groups which inside, we clarifiy to ourselves. That is compromise.
One the previous personality, that is a lot more difficult to argue. Few of us, if any, know our own personalities. His image of you, growing up, was a father watching his son.
Now read this excert:
QuoteYou've never been 'neat', 'clean', orderly, 'sensitive', compassionate, interested in 'feelings', colors, the interests and needs of others... you've been the consummate uncaring, unfeeling, occasionally(?) rude, selfish, sometimes violent MAN.
That is his description of a male, and his description of the antithesis of a female.
Now, please, don't go away with the idea that I'm attacking or criticisning your father. I am not and never would. Even if I knew him intimately, I still wouldn't just as I would never criticise a parent to their offspring.
I offer this as perspectives. A way you can start to look at this issue.
You should also be thinking very seriously about the previous relationship you had with your dad. It is on that basis that you can build your future relationship.
One more point. You've told him now. Imagine, you send him another message saying you've changed your mind and won't change after all. How will that affect your future relationship?
Again, I make this final point to offer you a prespective. Once you have fully worked through all of these issues, you can begin to plan for the furture.
