This story is a little different... not what I expected. Hope it helps some of you out there.
December and January was the lowest point for my gender dysphoria. I wanted to be a woman for 20 years. Everyday, I was immobilized by the fact that I couldn't live the current gender I was in. I started hormones in January. I even got my belly button pierced. Things started to get better.
I became happier. My male libido was disappearing. The burden associated with the male libido slowly lifted off my shoulders, I became less stressed, and I felt the best I had felt in my life. I started to get laser hair removal for my face and now my face has barely any facial hair.
Over the months, my body feminized. My breasts grew a tiny bit. Nothing significant. I really liked the curves I was starting to see. I had started wearing sport bras to hide my protruding chest. I didn't see a need to cross dress anymore because I felt I was living the life as a woman even if I wasn't wearing women's clothes. So the cross-dressing faded with away with my testosterone.
I went to makeup school. I thought I'd learn the trade properly if I needed to apply make-up on myself. I hated it. It was really stupid because the girls didn't take the program seriously and they were all about slacking off. Everyone seemed unprofessional and selfish. I was surrounded by women. The annoying gossip and the girl talks, they drove me up the roof. It made me question, would I have to deal with this to lesser extents everyday if I worked in the office as a female?
During the course of makeup school, I started working at a prestigious company. As a male, I received respect because what I represented. Someone who was going somewhere. I loved it. The power along with an organization that helps you succeed even further. After seeing makeup school and the new job, I realized that I didn't really want to be a woman.
I even started dating this girl. First girlfriend in 4 years. I was still on hormones when I saw her, but when I showed that I had budding breasts, she didn't really seem to care. She seemed to accept me for who I am. She didn't really ask why. I realized that I really liked her.
So after 8 months of being on hormones. I stopped. The spironolactone, the prometrium, and the estrace. All of them.
Weeks later, I am still relaxed. Thinking that the hormones helped facilitate my soul to heal and makeup school allowed a way to be feminine without changing my gender. I can walk into a makeup store with pride as I am a makeup artist. I can walk into a beauty supply store reserved for hairstylists because I can style hair. I can look at women's clothing and say it's for my models for the photo shoots. This freedom to enter the realm for women, but staying a man. I like it. I hope everything will remain as is... or I'll have to start a low dose of an anti-androgen.
I broke up with my girlfriend last week. I'm still okay. I still see her almost everyday. I look forward to meeting another special girl – as a man. I'm leaving this city in a week. I'll be off to graduate school. My life has changed so much over the past 8 months. I can't even say how much I have changed too.
Sometimes we get our peace in different ways. I never expected this to happen.
