When I went out this spring as a woman (I live in the Lehigh Valley, its a very crowded suburban area full of soccer moms, fratboys, and thousands of teenage girls I wish I looked like), a lot of people stared at me.  Since I thought I looked really pretty in the mirror, and I thought that based on what I saw in the mirror, I passed well enough, I figured that people were going to stare at me because I was pretty.  I read that in the beginning of a transition, there is a period where you are so excited about finally getting to be yourself that you become delusional and get a big head and you believe you pass just fine, when in reality you don't and everyone's staring because they know you're a dude with a wig and makeup on.

A lot of the guys out here in the LV probably have never seen a transsexual before.  I am 25 and when I went out I tried to look like I was 25 (maybe a little bit younger to make up for lost time, eh?).  Well I thought I looked cute and trendy, I had long hair, and idk what guys thought of me.  If one didn't stare, I figured that they were either busy or just weren't attracted to me.  If a guy did stare, I thought maybe he was checking me out, but then if he stared in a weird way, then I figured he had read me.  What are your experiences and thoughts about men and how they stare at us?

The only stare I have had was one of a guy undressing me with his eyes... *Shudders*

The only thing I've noticed is that when men stare at me they are looking at my boobs, lol. Most men do. Even when they talk to me they talk to my boobs.

Stardust

I'm the type who will assume anyone who looks at me can tell I'm trans and are weirded out by me. Not sure why though. It's frustrating.

The thing to remember is everybody will get "the stare" at some point in their lives (everybody as in all people) for whatever reason. And hey, there are lots of women who look manly, and well, 50% of the population will have below average looks (median) by definition. I'm not calling you ugly mind, just commenting that you think it's being ts why they're staring. I thought people were giving me funny looks before and when I got home I threw my jacket off and realised a bird had given me a little present on my shoulder 

Unfortunately staring is just what people do. I stare at people a lot. I have overreactive eyes, or something. If I see movement my eyes immediately look at whatever is moving. Girls don't seem to like that much.

IF they read you and are staring, most men are probably thinking "I wonder if those boobs are real?" ... and then "Wonder what friends would think I'm weird if I bagged her."

The sad truth is we are a fantasy for many men.

Man Logic - 101

Boob check = + = Hold open door + Check her out further

Being older, most young guys don't pay me much attention.  But I've had a few guys stare.  One later told me that he thought I looked familiar but didn't know that *old me* had a sister.

- Kate

Guys look at girls. Girls usually avoid eye contact with guys they don't know.
I think it's basic biology that we have to get use to.
I regularly cross a road at a busy intersection.  In virtually every car that drives past male drivers, passengers look at the women, female drivers & passengers don't. It's something I do to fill in the waiting time, really must get a life

Cindy

Something that we all do during early transition, sometimes unconsciously, is watch for others' reactions. We tend to look at people's faces a little longer, even as we just walk in the mall or down the street, and that sends what they interpret as some kind of message that something is up. In fact, we MAKE  them take notice of us without even trying. In the animal kingdom, eye contact can mean the difference between a chance encounter and an attack.
  What you're experiencing is just human nature. Men tend to stare at female images even if they're not attached to another human or human at all! I had a close, cisgendered, hetero male friend that would go on about how sexy Japanese Anime characters were; Men are very visually oriented and tend to stare at things they might want, even if it doesn't make sense!
  On the flipside, I found it refreshing to find how women tend to smile at other women. I think that's probably the most influential social change I've found through transition... I get smiled at more. Watching to see if you're being read is what will get you read! It's hard, but you have to learn not to do it.

Yes, women smiling and saying or waving hi and or calling me hon was something I hadn't thought about... But it sure makes me feel good   

Quote from: sysm29 on September 11, 2010, 05:33:38 PM
When I went out this spring as a woman (I live in the Lehigh Valley, its a very crowded suburban area full of soccer moms, fratboys, and thousands of teenage girls I wish I looked like), a lot of people stared at me.  Since I thought I looked really pretty in the mirror, and I thought that based on what I saw in the mirror, I passed well enough, I figured that people were going to stare at me because I was pretty.  I read that in the beginning of a transition, there is a period where you are so excited about finally getting to be yourself that you become delusional and get a big head and you believe you pass just fine, when in reality you don't and everyone's staring because they know you're a dude with a wig and makeup on.

A lot of the guys out here in the LV probably have never seen a transsexual before.  I am 25 and when I went out I tried to look like I was 25 (maybe a little bit younger to make up for lost time, eh?).  Well I thought I looked cute and trendy, I had long hair, and idk what guys thought of me.  If one didn't stare, I figured that they were either busy or just weren't attracted to me.  If a guy did stare, I thought maybe he was checking me out, but then if he stared in a weird way, then I figured he had read me.  What are your experiences and thoughts about men and how they stare at us?

Hard to say for certain. After a while, you'll start to get a sixth sense for this kind of thing. Other than that, probably the guys were just doing what guys do... stare at women.

Quote from: JessicaR on September 11, 2010, 11:54:20 PM
Men tend to stare at female images even if they're not attached to another human or human at all! I had a close, cisgendered, hetero male friend that would go on about how sexy Japanese Anime characters were; Men are very visually oriented and tend to stare at things they might want, even if it doesn't make sense!

It's just not the guys, plenty of girls love them too. Whatever floats your boat. 

Not just guys, but women also stare at me 



Barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on September 12, 2010, 11:03:46 AM
Not just guys, but women also stare at me 


Barbie~~

WOW, how tall are you? or is it that the other ladies are just small, lol. I figure being taller than the norm around you would get some stares. I'm 5ft 5in so I kind of blend in my culture.

Stardust

That's a good one, made me laugh, Barbie How tall are you? I'm 6ft...

When I go to Thailand for surgery, I'll refuse to wear heels of any kind

g

Quote from: stardust on September 12, 2010, 12:01:32 PM
WOW, how tall are you? or is it that the other ladies are just small, lol. I figure being taller than the norm around you would get some stares. I'm 5ft 5in so I kind of blend in my culture.

Stardust

Shorter does help with blending in.

For what it is worth me being straight and the straight guys I hang with look at the chicks and the trans issue never comes up. Pretty much just taking note of how they look. Short, tall, fat, skinny, long legs, etc...
The only exception is when we see some muscle bound hulk-Hogan type in a dress looking at women's wear. But, you do tend to stare out of shock when a bruiser with a beard longer than your own dressed fem is shopping for her clothes without taking the time to try to pass. That's typically after the bars close for the night.
Don't mean to upset anyone but that's what some of us do. The "am I read" thought or such is probably their insecurities at beginning a new life. I imagine that is to be expected though.
As a store worker we are either too busy working or too busy trying to avoid working than to pay attention to whether or not someone is trans or such.

Quote from: barbie on September 12, 2010, 11:03:46 AM
Not just guys, but women also stare at me 



Barbie~~

I LOVE this photo Barbie - it is so cute! And you look far hotter than those other tiny girls, sweetie .

I still go out in guy mode and when men stare at me I think they see a skinny effeminate male, and are wondering what the hell is up lol. Or I think they may be gay, and are just eyeing me as a guy. Men do treat me in a far softer way than they used to, though.

I was at the shops a couple of weeks ago with my wife, and I was just standing there while she was waiting to pay. The guy at the counter completely ignored her, and looked at me and just gave me this really sweet smile, not the type of smile a guy usually shares with another guy. I sort of chalked it down to him being gay and him thinking I was probably gay too lol.

On the few occasions I have gone out all dolled up, I have had guys stare at me in a COMPLETELY different way - a leering way... but those were trans events, and all the guys there are trans admirers so I wouldn't exactly consider that a true representation of what I would experience in the real world if I were to go out femme.

Or the "guy" might be a pre-transition M2F thinking "Gee, I wonder if she is a trans.  I'm one too. I would love to chat with my sister but don't want to out myself or embarass her. " 

Quote from: Jill on September 12, 2010, 08:29:15 PM
Or the "guy" might be a pre-transition M2F thinking "Gee, I wonder if she is a trans.  I'm one too. I would love to chat with my sister but don't want to out myself or embarass her. " 

Oh to be able to read minds!