So I started college this month (in the UK, college comes between school and university), and some of my new friends are...how shall I say...sheltered. Their only knowledge of the world beyond the gender binary is the word '->-bleeped-<-'.

Anyway, we ended up in a conversation about gender and sexuality (prompted by the title of a nearby book - we were in the library at the time). I took it upon myself to try to educate them, mainly because I feel a responsibility not to let people assume that using the word '->-bleeped-<-' is okay.

I got a few critical concepts across, and introduced some terms they hadn't encountered before (pansexual, transgender, asexual, intersex). I also said in no uncertain terms that '->-bleeped-<-' is nothing more than an insult.

Transgender concepts were intuitive to me because I never believed in a gender binary, but could see that these people had never thought to question it. As I was talking, I could see that they were thinking about what I was saying in a very different way to me.

At the very least, I hope I planted a seed that they might explore later on their own time. But it got me thinking, what is the best way to introduce the concept of transgender identity to people who are learning about it from a point of total ignorance, or have gained a transphobic viewpoint purely through cultural osmosis?

I was quite surprised to read this at first, and then I remembered how sheltered I was - only aware of ->-bleeped-<- on the periphery.

I would like to avoid the labels, quite frankly. They have their purpose, and I pray that this doesn't spark off a tangent on that subject. They do confuse an issue when presenting someone with them for the first time, though - it's surely enough to know of the transgender umbrella, then try to present individual cases within that.

Gender and the issues around them became much clearer to me when I took a simple truth in: that the world is not binary. It's sometimes easier to look at LGB issues in that respect - people do seem to be more aware now that sexuality is neither binary or set in stone, one way or another, throughout a person's life. Keep that in mind and it seems easier to accept that people's gender can be fluid, too. All we represent are people whose outward appearance does not necessarily match the way we feel, and transgender people go about correcting this in a number of ways. Anything else from there - intersex, 'genderqueer' (sorry, I dislike the word), cross-dresser, transsexual.. - is mere labelling, and they will come along later.

Quote from: Amberlee on September 14, 2010, 02:36:52 PM... but could see that these people had never thought to question it...

Most people don't.  "Best" way?  Dunno.  But I came up with a simple scenario that I think illustrates a few key points, at least from my experience:

Suppose that sex is ice cream.  Most people will know about only two flavors - Chocolate and Vanilla.  There are other flavors, but most people only know about those two.  They know that there are people who like Chocolate, and others who like Vanilla.  But pretty much everyone does like ice cream (okay, there are some who don't, but...)

People are the ice cream containers.  They have a label on them - either Chocolate or Vanilla.  And in general, people with a Chocolate label prefer Vanilla ice cream and vice versa.  And, of course, there are people labeled "Chocolate" who enjoy Chocolate ice cream, and people labeled "Vanilla" that like Vanilla ice cream.

So... what if your label says Chocolate, but you have the feeling that the ice cream inside is Vanilla, or vice versa.  You ultimately want to change your label to read the correct variety, because it makes you uncomfortable in the extreme to know you're mislabeled.  That's what it's like being trans.

Simple, and I haven't yet tried it out on anyone, but I'd appreciate a critique - I think it covers the basics, and separates gender from sex...

Haha, I like your explanation Colleen!  I think it's pretty clear.

In my coming out letter I'm working on I explain the difference between "gender" and "sex," and then I say that people's gender and sex are not always in congruence with one another.  So a "boy" can feel like a girl and a "girl" can feel like a boy. 

I have a problem that my family have heard of it - but they refer to it as Transvestism and see it as a choice. :/ When I finally get around to telling (I will, honest  ) I am not even going to use the words transsexual or transgender. I am just going to say it plain and straight: I am a girl, but was born with the body of a boy. That way, perhaps, they won't even make the connection between the people they know (Paul O'Grady, Eddie Izzard, etc). Labels are a bad thing in any circumstances, but even worse is getting those labels mixed up and basing opinions on those misconceptions.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on September 14, 2010, 04:03:05 PM
Most people don't.  "Best" way?  Dunno.  But I came up with a simple scenario that I think illustrates a few key points, at least from my experience:

Suppose that sex is ice cream.  Most people will know about only two flavors - Chocolate and Vanilla.  There are other flavors, but most people only know about those two.  They know that there are people who like Chocolate, and others who like Vanilla.  But pretty much everyone does like ice cream (okay, there are some who don't, but...)

People are the ice cream containers.  They have a label on them - either Chocolate or Vanilla.  And in general, people with a Chocolate label prefer Vanilla ice cream and vice versa.  And, of course, there are people labeled "Chocolate" who enjoy Chocolate ice cream, and people labeled "Vanilla" that like Vanilla ice cream.

So... what if your label says Chocolate, but you have the feeling that the ice cream inside is Vanilla, or vice versa.  You ultimately want to change your label to read the correct variety, because it makes you uncomfortable in the extreme to know you're mislabeled.  That's what it's like being trans.

Simple, and I haven't yet tried it out on anyone, but I'd appreciate a critique - I think it covers the basics, and separates gender from sex...

Now -that's- a very interesting way to explain it. I like that! It helps to put the person in a place that they understand better and doesn't over complicate things...very nice. I might use this one day

Whenever I start talking to someone about my gender identity, I like to keep things simple and avoid using labels.  The reason I'm hesitant about the labels is that I find they can be off-putting at first for people who aren't familiar with them, and when people are familiar with them, they might be misinformed.

I usually wait for it to come up in conversation naturally, like when someone points out that I act more like a guy than a girl.  Then I start with something that's not actually that uncommon to hear people say like, "Well, I basically am a man in a woman's body."  I say it kind of casually.  Then I slowly make it clear that I'm serious by talking about my experiences.  I use examples to illustrate what it's like to be this way and why it's clear to me.  Everyone I've talked to so far has had a lot of questions.  I'm really patient and non-judgmental about their questions, answering all of them as best I can.  And if they seem to be getting bored or uncomfortable talking about it, I just change the subject.  People can only process so much at once.  You can always talk about it again later, when it comes up again.

I also like to just casually drop bits of information here and there when it's an appropriate response to something someone says.    If someone mentions something they don't understand about transgender, I'll casually share some facts to fill them in.  But I don't like to push the issue - go on about it when people aren't interested in talking about it.  That would just create a negative reaction.  I think it's best to let people explore these concepts at their own pace but be there to answer questions and provide information as needed.

Sorry I couldn't respond sooner - I made the original post last thing  before bed, and I suffered a terrible headache the day after that prevented me from using a computer.

I really think there is something to the no-labels approach. I did try not to get bogged down in a flood of words, all with their own definitions, all of them new.

I liked the 'ice cream' analogy, but it, and similar approaches, are dependant on an open-minded, free-thinking audience. My target is people who are not actively transphobes, but have soaked up the ambient culture and become transphobic-by-ignorance.

Anyways, thank-you for your replies.

With any luck, these are people I will have a lot of opportunities to speak to over the next few years, so the topic will probably arise again at some point.