I don't start many new posts, but I wanted to bring up a topic that is important to me. This is a hypothetical thread. I'm not necessarily out to find someone (I have a man
).
So let's talk about finding someone, let's talk about the process, and the consequences that could follow. Whether they be good or bad. Some of this is taken from a forum post of mine from OKCupid that was part of a debate about dating a transwoman. Most of this subject pertains to a transwoman dating a CiS-man; However everyone is welcome on this discussion. And yes this is kind of long.
Mini-disclaimer: This is how I view things. I do expect people to view things differently. Please don't get mad if you disagree with anything, this is a discussion not an argument, we are all here to discuss.
People need relationships, we need companionship. This is something that is true in all cultures and does not discriminate against race or gender. Some people call it love, other people call it the evolutionary desire to procreate. I call it as I see it, I just need lots of cuddles.
Having a person to stand beside you is one of the most important privileges of being human. Having someone to share your joy, your sadness, your anger, and your love with, is a huge driving force in how we live our day-to-day life. When you find someone you truly connect with, you strive to become a better person because of them, you want to be perfect just for that special person. Transgender folks are no different than anyone else, we all (well most of us) need this companionship.
The problem starts to come to a head when you consider how our society generally views same-sex couples. While I was born a male, I am still female in absolutely every way except for a certain tumor that I would rather have nothing to do with. However, I seem to have to explain to everyone, that me being attracted to men does not mean I am gay. People see the penis between my legs and presume that sex with a male would imply that one or both of us is gay. This is an unfortunate fallacy that I've had to deal with a lot.
While I've already come out to all of my family, and they are (thankfully) 100% supportive, They still see me as "gay", even though they support me as a woman. I've had to explain to each of them that I am a straight woman, not a gay man who wears women's clothing. Even then some of them didn't understand it, and I had to explain how I am a girl, and it's not about the appearance of the organs, it's about the gender of the person themselves.
I am a girl, and I like men. Why is that so hard to grasp?The problem continues to move forward when you think about the stigma that is placed upon same-sex couples. Various religious beliefs would have you believe that the relationship shared between same-sex couples is condemnable for any number of reasons. Many of our now-obsolete family values base themselves on the core beliefs of these very old religious views.
When you throw all of this into the mixing pot, you get a very paranoid, homophobic society that does not understand gender. The unfortunate reality for a lot of us is that our need for love is unable to be gratified. Women in my position prefer a straight man. So what's the problem with that, you ask? Well, the men I seek are confused, they see my penis and throw everything else out of the window, and since they are scared of the social stigma that would follow with being "gay", they will proceed to not only disengage from any relationship with a transwoman, sometimes they will go so far as to criticize, humiliate and even assault them.
The hostility towards transsexual individuals is unfortunate. But what are we to do? We have an obvious conflict that needs to get resolved. You can't change your brain anymore than you can change your body. Altering your mind or altering your body; both are no different, in the sense that both are slightly deceiving. However, reprogramming your mind to fall in-line with your body is essentially killing off a part of yourself. You are changing the core character of yourself, and you are essentially a different person mentally. No one would want that under any circumstances. Changing your body only requires and outward change, everything else comes naturally. You are still you, with some cosmetic differences. Mentally I am a woman, physically I am mostly woman.
The possibility of mental anguish from heart breaks is scary enough, but add in the possibility of physical danger and it can become downright mortifying. But the need for companionship can be overwhelming, and should not be underestimated. And the payoff can be huge; finding someone who you truly connect with, that you can share your experiences with, can be enough to counteract these fears. However, I'm saddened by the reality that many of us are so terrified that we never even try.
So again, what are the implications of finding someone to love?
Is it worth it to try and find someone, or is it too dangerous?
How were you able to overcome your fears, and start looking?
Give us your story on how you found your special someone.
