When I look inside, I see Me...far enough down the self-discovery road to have come to the understanding that just when you think you know something and have it nailed down, Life steps in and says "Tut! Tut! Tut! That's not the way it goes," and your whole world turns upside down.
I can throw out a handful of labels so that everyone can slot me into the proper perspecive so that they know how to relate (I know it sounds bad, but that's the way people's minds work...I realize that the labels I apply to them do not fit them any better than the fit me, but it makes it easier to relate to their point of view). So, my labels are: Androgyne: Intergendered (66F33M), Sexual Preference is Feminine, Reminder flags: Beard, Nails Painted, Eyeshadow, (and hopefully) Trustworthy and Funny (I can hope)...
Ok, now that those are out of the way...I see a person who loves to play, loves to laugh, and who does things the way they think is best. I consider myself to be slightly more feminine than masculine, but that really seems to be more of a state of mind...sometimes I just feel feminine, other times I don't. Are there times I ever feel "Manly"? Few and far between, probably because I almost never think of myself as a "man"...just as a "guy"...it may not sound like much, but the connotations of the two, to me, are completely different.
Just as my inward thoughts are not bound by gender traits, I have begun altering my outward appearance in order to reflect this inner freedom. In places where I am not ready to deal with questions and problems (work, certain social situations) I dress in typical male clothes, but wear my nails long. I have noticed myself dressing better lately and with more color. Can't completely hide all myself, but there are a lot of us who aren't ready to come out to the world. At other times, (home, trips to the store), I wear whatever seems to feel best for what I am doing...shopping is generally a mixture of male and female clothing...yardwork or working on the car generally involves male clothing as it is sturdier and I don't mind getting it dirty.
.........Laurie