I think it's perfectly normal to be scared when facing any big change, and especially when the change is by your own decision, and at the moment it actually starts to happen. And the thing is, this process has SO many long timelags, where you're basically waiting for something you know will happen at SOME point in the future, but you're not sure exactly when. For instance, back in July I went to my GP to get a referral to the gender identity clinic at CAMH. I was told they would contact me at some point, but I didn't know what form that contact would take or when. Four weeks later, I got the intake questionnaire in the mail. And I had a very intense moment of fear, because it had taken so long I'd pretty much stopped thinking about it, and then... BOOM. Here it is - next step. So I sent it in a week later, and I know that sometime they will contact me again to set up an appointment, but I don't know when - I think it could be anytime now. And the appointment will be sometime in the new year. So you get these Long lags where you're pretty much on your own - and mind you, I've been doing a lot on my own - but then when the next BIG step happens... BOOM. There's that fear again. My take: it means you're sane. Any sane person would be terrified to face these changes, especially when you're making the decisions that are driving it. So... hang on, girl, and don't freak yourself out. I predict you'll feel better about it in a week or so...
