So I just found out my parents are moving to Boston in the next few months. I'm happy for them but I plan to stay here in California on my own (I'm 19) ..only problem is I'm really scared! Any words of encouragement and or advice on moving out. I'm taking it as a sign to venture out of the nest and do my own thing. Right now I'm bringing in about 2500 a month. I have no car payment. My bills total about 400, and if I rent a room somewhere for 400-600, I think I could make it on my own. I know this isn't a financial advice forum or anything, but I figure due to us being trans, a large part of you have probably done this on your own.. I'm just scared that I'll fail:(

How did y'all move out/go full-time/be your own person (separate from your family)?

With the amount you have coming in it is a most excellent time to go be your own woman.

Find a furnished apartment, in a good neighborhood if you can.  Or get an unfurnished one and go shopping for furniture.   

What janet said 

if you can rent a place for around $600 with your current outgoings you still have around $1500 a month left to play with...which should be plenty. what I would do in your situation is once bills and rent are taken care of, figure out how much you'd need to live for a month and then just save the rest.

I'm so jealous! You're in a great position! It may be scary but it's a great opportunity! You have all of us at Susans here for support and I'm sure you can find great support in the area! <3 Congrats!

btw Janet and Helena have great advice.

Thanks to all three of you for your advice! Unfortunately I won't be able to afford my own apartment (cost of living is quite expensive in California) but I could easily rent a room somewhere. It's a scary thought but I would literally be on my own and would be able to start fresh without having to worry about the uncomfortable-ness of living with family while going full time. I guess it's settled then. Wierd. It's nice to hear that you all think that I would be able to afford it. Cause to be honest I have no real understanding of cost of living and what it REALLY takes to survive..


Thanks again girls!

It's now or never, drippin!

Believe me if I could do it, you can. I switched continents and moved to some of the most expensive cities in America, with practically no family and no (stable) source of income like yours. I know it's scary and it's unpredictable and unknown, and you may not know what you're doing in the beginning like me, I've lived a sheltered life while people around me grew up to be their own men and women. What you don't know now you'll figure out along the way.

You're young and have the resources to help you, failure isn't an option 
<3

Quote from: drippin on October 04, 2010, 08:43:05 PM
Thanks to all three of you for your advice! Unfortunately I won't be able to afford my own apartment (cost of living is quite expensive in California) but I could easily rent a room somewhere. It's a scary thought but I would literally be on my own and would be able to start fresh without having to worry about the uncomfortable-ness of living with family while going full time. I guess it's settled then. Wierd. It's nice to hear that you all think that I would be able to afford it. Cause to be honest I have no real understanding of cost of living and what it REALLY takes to survive..


Thanks again girls!

I'm not going to lie to you and say it's going to be the easiest thing you'll ever do.

What I will say is that, when you get your own place, even just your own room, with a lock, you're gonna shut that door, sit down, look around and say, this is mine. This is my kingdom

That high is worth the money.

Sorry to repeat this yet again, but remember your priorities, Bills, food, essentials, everything else.

Hi drippin,

So much like me so many years ago.  I came to Australia at 23. plans in hand and well I'm now going through stuff 34 years later. No regrets, well some but not about me.

A suggestion? Plan. Plan. Plan Plan. then when you have the plan, Plan again.

I hope that doesn't sound too stupid. I wish I had.

Hugs

Cindy

in your other posts you say you have talked things through with your mother and she's sort of OK with your transitioning so all you need now is a nice room or house share and some friends who will help you transition.

get a paper that lists house shares and try find one that is TS friendly - there might be some convenient for your work and pubs or clubs where you can go learn womanness.

learn to laugh at embarrassing moments and know that one day you'll realise you have transitioned and life is great.

I struck out on my own at 19ish just so I could be en femme all my spare time.

1. Will you transition at work?
2. If so, how do you think they will handle it?
3. If there is a chance you will lose your job, how will you support yourself?
4. Do you have any support (people or group) you can lean on?
5. Have you begun any physical transition, electrolysis, HRT, etc?
6. How passable are you?  (Unfortunately, that matters)
7. Does anyone else know at this time?  In other words, have you gotten any feedback about how your friends will handle this?

Those are some of the questions I'd be asking myself today if I were considering transition, now that I've learned what transition can be like.  This is how I'd do it today:

1. If you have any doubts or fears about going full time, find a reputable therapist, join a TG group, get as much information as you can as to how others who have done this have fared.

2. Get rid of any and all facial hair.  This can take years.  Facial hair on a woman isn't well received by the general public.

3. If you aren't on HRT and want to be, the sooner the better, especially at your age.  So besides a good therapist, you'll need a TG friendly doctor or a local clinic that honors Informed Consent HRT.

4. Find a mentor.  If you don't already have a TG friend you get along with and respect, particularly one who is fully transitioned, try to find one.  A common sense friend who has been there, done that can be of great help.  Just avoid the "you go girl" rah-rah encouragement that comes without fully knowing your situation.  It's kind of like, "Dive in!  I think the water's deep enough."  And then you crack your skull open.

5. Read, read, read.  Get as much information as you can but don't put too much stock in the Internet unless it's well supported.  Know what you're getting into before you make any steps that are irreversible.

6. Prepare yourself to lose everything.  If you can truly say you can survive losing everything to transition, then you are ready.  That doesn't mean you will, but you should be prepared.  You will need a lot of emotional strength and a lot of support during transition. 

You're in California and that's a plus, at least for many parts, but it's still open season on TGs pretty much everywhere in the US and even where there's laws protecting TGs from discrimination, they often aren't enforced.  The more you know, the better you will do.  It's better to have a "PhD" going into this than getting "on the job training".

I wish you all the best.  You will do well if you prepare well.

Quote from: spacial on October 05, 2010, 02:46:05 AM

What I will say is that, when you get your own place, even just your own room, with a lock, you're gonna shut that door, sit down, look around and say, this is mine. This is my kingdom

That high is worth the money.

You have no idea what those words did for me. Thank you all!

I'm pretty passable and have only been on HRT for a little over a month. I have my (6th?) laser in a few days. I guess when it comes down to it, I know I can do this. But it's still so scary. I do go to a support group every once in a while..


Grr I wish I just had a few more months to prepare.

i know exactly what you mean.  the thing is, i'm not really what i would call full time, but i don't switch between guy and girl like a light switch. i actually just stick with who i am all them time, but i'm in a stae where people are starting to take me as a girl, but then there's some who might think of me as a boy. i'm not passing as a boy anymore. the longer hair, and a couple other things might be working for me. i think you should take this opportunity, definately. my name is not officially changed yet, and my family doesn't call me a girl or anything, but i want them too. the only thing is, my parents are probably the obstacle.

Echoing what other's have mentioned in this thread, you definitely want to plan. There are a lot of factors that need to be considered before transitioning.

Financially you're doing well, but will that last? Especially after you come out.

Does your work offer health care? When started my transition I was making less/month than you however I had a good health care plan and was able get a lot of things covered.

Are you seeing a therapist? I'm a pretty strong advocate of seeking some form of help. Its not for everyone, but its certainly good to have someone to be an objective observer/guide in some aspects of your life.

Along with therapy, do you have someone to prescribe medication?

How is your support structure?


Personally my suggestion would be to first find a therapist or doctor to get on hormones and start them. I was fairly passable before hormones, but lacked confidence... By giving my body a bit of time to change I think it made things easier than just one day switching.

I got to build confidence in my looks, learn a lot about how to behave before actually taking the plunge and I gave the people I related to on a day to day basis a gradual change followed by a big one with some context rather than just an a big abrupt change with no context.

This is only my experience and what worked for me. Your results may vary.