Hi,

Anyone had the same kind of experience? A good friend of mine told me that he got so used to me in the male mode that his memories of me beforehand faded.

Well this FTM friend of mine tells me that his memories of me before transition fade away. He remembers  me in female mode like behind a curtain, blurred, and the actual male image superposes on this. Then again, he tells me that he has a bad memory for how people look.

I must add, we've been friend for almost a decade, and I started transition 4 years ago. I knew he was transgender all the time, and he gave me the first passing tips and tips about where to find German-speaking websites spontaneously and without looking them up when I outed myself as trans to him, and he also told me then what operations were possible right away, without looking anything up... Er well... he was very informed. Well and we hat met over a common acquaintance, his partner now, and she tends to gather trans people around her without really doing it on purpose, it's just the chemistry works, the topics work for a friendship etc. She's bi, but I don't think she's  a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-, I think it's rather as she grew up between two clashing cultures (Germany-Pakistan) and therefore can refer to gender gaps in some ways. Plus lots of her friends she met via me, so the trans quota is high anyway.

Yes, and he knew these URLs by heart... well yes... but I was "faster" than him with my start, therapy, hormones... he got so envious after me starting T and meeting other transguys on T that he wanted it for himself. I never encouraged him, just told him what it did to myself and told him of the zillion disadvantages is has being a trans person in our society. Before transition, I had a "femme" phase. Physically, I could not pass anyway as my physical make-up did not allow for it no matter how much I tried, I am tiny anyway and look physically extremely cute. And if I couldn't pass as male anyway before hormones, so why not at least try to look pretty and sexy in girl mode? When the movie came out, lots of people told me that I looked almost like the poster girl and main actor on the poster of the movie  "The Fabulous Destiny of Amélie Poulain", only that I had long hair and I think I'm a bit less cute than her. That's her:



So you get an Idea here of how I looked. No chance for passing. At the same time, bad conscience as I looked great as a girl but could not accept being female though I had tried so hard and well really looked good. I still struggle with my bad conscience for throwing away my great female looks.

Why the heck does this memory blurring work? Or does it only work for him and his girl-friend? (She's also completely gone into seeing me male mode over time, but remembers me in female mode).

Well what's your experience?

Yes! I've posted on this very effect in a thread elsewhere. OK with me it may be a little easier because I was rather androgynous at least until my late teens, but still it does feel odd when you realise the extent to which people's memories play tricks on them.

I think some people may have thought that I made it up, so it's nice to hear that others have had the same experience.

In one occasion someone who knew me back from school asked me which of the girls dormitories I was in, and one of my distant relatives (a cousin who is also a good friend) wanted to know why I never chose to get pregnant and bear children of my own. On both occasions we then had a good laugh when I gently reminded them of what they knew and yes indeed both of them ruefully admitted that after nearly 30 years they had completely forgotten that I was only an "almost-girl" in school.

@rejennyrated

I read some of yor statements on this topic before, and I was always like - is she serious or making fun of me here? Now I see that this can happen, that memories can fade away or change even to the point of changing other people's gender. The funniest part of it is that my ex is homophobic as hell, so if memories blur, he might end up having had a gay relationship in other peoples' minds. Haha. He thought that the pure fact that he was dating me turned me straight, though I explained several times that no, I'm still bi. And you don't want to know how he reacted to my transition, god did that piss him off.