While waiting for the bus at the terminal, I wanted to go to the bathroom, so I entered the terminal restaurant. Of course, the bus society is too cheap to provide bathrooms, so I had to use the restaurant's, and I had to buy a ridiculously small two-dollar bad-tasting coffee for it.

I'm still not confident at all and I don't own women's clothes. Plus, people actually know me in this city. So, I'm still in male mode, full time. Feels great, really. Punches and gun wounds feel about as good. I swear, try it.

I asked for the bathroom key and she gave me the ladies' key. I pretended to start my coffee and waited for her to go back to her business. When she did, I grabbed the sirs' key. I made my way to the men's bathroom, and a man who was just coming out stopped me :

"Excuse me madam, but this is for guys."

I paused for, like, one second, and I said with much regret :

"I am a guy."

The guy didn't quite seem to believe me at first. Must've been blind, 'cause. Well, just 'cause.

When I came out to drink my bad-tasting coffee, the waitress started "sir"ing me with an amused look.

I don't quite know how I feel about that experience... One side of me is happy of "passing" with winter clothes without women's stuff or HRT, but I'm also wondering why I didn't take that freaking ladies' key. I guess I was afraid to face a scandalized look when I came out or something.

Anyway, what do you think ? Should I have used the women's bathroom ? Is it... prohibited in the current state of things ? And also, why the heck do I feel so bad about this while I should be happy ? Maybe it's because it's like I just failed a "test to feeling feminine" or something...

I would have taken the women's key in a heartbeat!

Please don't move the knife in the wound.

It just means you were scared, hon. You weren't expecting it and didn't want to take any chances. Pretty normal reaction.

I like how you say "correct bathroom". It makes me realize how much work I've to do towards seeing myself as a true woman, not a mock imitation of one. I understand you on the "spontaneous bathroom choice". I've been pushing women's bathroom doors halfway quite many times when in a hurry.

And please don't be jealous. The only real reason why I "pass" [let's remember I was wearing heavy winter clothes and a purse-like store bag] is my voice pitch (only pitch) on which I have worked since the start of puberty with pain and blood (and possibly vocal cord damage, haha). I merely had the luck of not being beaten because of it and the introversion necessary for ignoring mean kids.

Quote from: Nero on November 05, 2010, 12:45:47 AM
It just means you were scared, hon. You weren't expecting it and didn't want to take any chances. Pretty normal reaction.

Seconded.

Maybe its time girl. There comes a time when you need to start using the one that's more appropriate for how you look.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

Not a 100% safe choice either way.

Echoing what others have said, the reaction you had was pretty normal. It takes a while to be confident in yourself. You've had your entire life to become comfortable (or in most of our cases uncomfortable) in your body. You've also learned habits that have become very ingrained, one being the "you do not belong in the woman's room".

Until you become comfortable with your body and can overcome your old habits, you'll freak out. Time and experience will fix this, so I wouldn't worry about it.