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Why don't I pass?

Started by Britney♥Bieber, November 07, 2010, 12:29:20 AM

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NDelible Gurl

I just watched your Vlogs and think you are coming along fine :)

I did not come out until I was in my first year of college...lol geez it was a strange time for me  8)

Give it time and study the little things women do that men do not. Body language such as the way women might brush their hair away from their face at times. Stance and word choices are also things that people notice in women and will help in transition for a MTF.
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azSam

I stare and stare and try to find a guy in those pics. But there is nothing that comes out as masculine. Even under my scrutiny, you would pass 100%. It could have been your voice, but that seemed to be covered. It could have been your mannerisms, but I don't think that would be a problem for you. The only thing I can think of, is someone snitched on you  :o

You look really good, don't stress it.
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April Dawne

A lot of what I would have said has already been mentioned in earlier posts, so I won't repeat them. My advice would be not to panic or worry about not passing 100% right away. Remember that you are only in your second month of hormones, AND that was your first time out in public as Britney. Inexperience and nervousness can and will affect passing ability. With time and experience and practice you will get more confident in public and it will feel more natural, then passing should be a breeze for you. My gosh you are SO pretty!!! HRT will definitely be great for you!

HUGS!!!

~*Don't wanna look without seeing*~

~*Don't wanna touch without feeling*~




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spacial

I was gonna say the same as Cruelladeville frankly. So I agree with her point.

But the thing with girls is they tend to try to make an impression with their appearace.

So, the question is, what impression are you trying to make.

Incidently, agreeing with pebbles here, you got another ball of envy. A few more and we might dcide we're mad of snow and come for you.  >:-)

Seriously, you look great. You body is wow. You have beautiful skin and lovely eyes. All you need now is a large packet of confidence.

But never stop working on your appearance.
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A

Hmm... Maybe your "a bit big" nose and your "wide but not that wide" shoulders make you "not 10000% feminine", but nowhere near "not passing".

If you were clocked, I really don't think it was anything that we can see on pictures.
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Asfsd4214

To be honest, I'm having trouble finding a reason you wouldn't pass.

One thing I would say is that you definitely come across fairly ambiguous. Your voice is definitely better than many others, however it is slightly neutral too, but I'd say definitely leaning more on the female side.

I truly am not sure, I am fairly sure that without prior knowledge I would read you as female based on everything I've seen so far.

One thing that might be a factor is height, I don't know how tall you are, but if it's over 6' that could attract attention and cause people to question.

That combined with a prominant adams apple (which I couldn't detect in the pictures and video I saw) or something else rather definitive could push people into thinking male.

That and you have to remember it's a Halloween party, so minor problems are probably more likely to get you outed than normal because people are already questioning what they see.


Quote from: K8 on November 07, 2010, 08:06:18 AM
And passing includes mannerisms of both body and speech.  I have inadvertently outed myself a few times not by the sound of my voice but by what I said.  Passing is the whole package, not just what you look like in a picture.  As Cruella said, it is the inner confidence that shines out.  You know you are a girl and don't even think about it.  How do you get there?  Just keep going out.

You are well on your way, dear.  Persistence pays off.

- Kate

I'd be curious what you could possibly say apart from "back before the sexual reassignment" that would make someone who otherwise completely passes be suddenly read.

I have never bought that mannerisms or speech content make any real difference unless perhaps you are INCREDIBLY borderline already.
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Silver

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Asfsd4214

Quote from: Cruelladeville on November 07, 2010, 06:51:55 AM
Passing comes mainly from 'inner' confidence...not what's on the outside...

This I highly disagree with. It's something I've heard many times, and it's something I simply don't buy.

Passing is being read as female or male in accordance with your preference, reading is the observation of your characteristics to determine gender, your characteristics are read by other people from an external viewpoint, it's as simple as that.

Never once in my life have I ever seen anyone male or female who, because of a lack of confidence, caused me to ever waver in my already established gender perception.

Maybe I'm unusual in that regard, but I honestly think this "passing is all about your mind" is complete crap.
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azSam

In response to Ashley4214. What you do on the outside often mirrors how you feel on the inside. If you feel confident, you'll look confident. If you feel insecure, you look insecure and give people a reason to wonder why. Otherwise I totally agree. It's all about what's on the surface, but what's on the surface often times reflects whats beneath.

If you feel like a woman, act like a woman, and have confidence, but don't look like a woman; You'll just look a really effeminate gay guy.

If you feel like a woman, act like a woman, and have confidence, and only look mostly like a woman; People will often times give you the benefit of the doubt.
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Sad Girl

After having read and dealt thoroughly on FFS, here is what I think.

Ok I'll be honest:

1. Prominent Brow Ridge
2. Eyes Brows too low
3. Nose a bit masculine
4. Cheeks need to be more full to appear more feminine

But overall believe me sweetie, you're very beautiful. But someone can be very beautiful but still not passable at 100%. These minor stuffs need to be corrected to eradicate ALL doubts.

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Shang

I think you look really good.

However, they might have picked up on your voice.  I think if you worked on making it more feminine in pitch (your voice is still a bit deep) then they might not have been able to clock you.  I haven't seen a picture of you walking or just making movements so I don't know how feminine those are, but I'm sure they're fine.

(I think your nose is fine--cisgender women have all sorts of noses.  The women on my dad's side of the family have noses that resemble yours so I'm sure that's not what was making the people clock you.)

Overall, though, you're very cute. =)
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YellowDaisy

i think you do look like a female in those pictures, but a picture only does say a thousand words. in person, people pick up on alot more. that wig reminds of of taylor swift btw :)

ok, i just watched one of your vlogs. without a wig on, and i think i see the problem. you have a large forehead area that is characteristic of males, but when you're dressed femenine, you look fine. so, i wouldn't worry about it. you're also on hrt, so you should wait and see what it does.
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Britney♥Bieber

Thanks everyone! I was going to quote you all with responses but their is so many posts!! :(
I'm learning a lot and I now have confidence that with time I will pass fine and be comfortable. I wasn't really trying to pass or anything, but I thought it was really cool when the girls told me they thought I was one haha.

azSam

Quote from: Sad Girl on November 07, 2010, 12:41:31 PM
After having read and dealt thoroughly on FFS, here is what I think.

Ok I'll be honest:

1. Prominent Brow Ridge
2. Eyes Brows too low
3. Nose a bit masculine
4. Cheeks need to be more full to appear more feminine

But overall believe me sweetie, you're very beautiful. But someone can be very beautiful but still not passable at 100%. These minor stuffs need to be corrected to eradicate ALL doubts.

I disagree. She is still early in HRT. HRT can give her amazing results. No one is perfect, many girls suffer the same types of issues. She can still pass 100% without those features you mentioned.
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Arch

Britney, some of your features are a little strong, as someone pointed out, but I really think people have to be looking for that before they will start thinking "man." I really had to look, myself. I think you're cute.

As one or two posters have already mentioned, Halloween does impel people to look for what's "under the mask," and it's quite common for men to dress as women on that day. So folks might scrutinize you until they assemble just enough data to conclude that you must be one of those men. Everyday activities are a better guide for whether you're being read accurately.

Quote from: K8 on November 07, 2010, 08:06:18 AM
I have inadvertently outed myself a few times not by the sound of my voice but by what I said. 

Kate, I'm very curious about this; can you give a couple of examples?
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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Pixie Dimples

You do pass... u just look really mean in the 3rd photo. oh and in the 2nd photo ur bra looks weird, like theres nothing there so ur doing that wrong. try stuffing or wearing tighter shirts with a pushup bra. Back when i was flat i tried breast forms but theyre sooo annoying and dont look or feel real. so i would rather just stuff with toilet paper like every other teen girl out there lol.
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Kaelleria

Passing is so much more than just the look. You look pretty good, but the wig is a huge tell in my opinion. Also, your breasts kind of do look fake in the 2nd photo... Hormones will help with that. Attitude also makes a huge difference. If you aren't confident in yourself, you're more likely to appear timid and possible cause more scrutiny.

Along with that comes behavior. By the time a child has reached puberty they've already learned quite a few gender specific gender behaviors. As years pile up, people learn more and more about what is accepted for their gender role. Just little things like mannerisms, tone of voice, ect... are all tells that people will pick up on.


The above ticker is meant as a joke! Laugh! Everyone knows the real zombie apocalypse isn't until 12/21/12....
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YellowDaisy

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on November 07, 2010, 01:51:50 PM
Thanks everyone! I was going to quote you all with responses but their is so many posts!! :(
I'm learning a lot and I now have confidence that with time I will pass fine and be comfortable. I wasn't really trying to pass or anything, but I thought it was really cool when the girls told me they thought I was one haha.
yeah, it is. i've had that same type of experience when i was in a clothes store with my mom. this one lady that works there knows my mom i guess, and then a couple moments later she asks, ''is that your daughter?'' passing just feels amazing, especially when it's something new to you.
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K8

I believe that it requires more than looks to "pass" (that is, not have people question your presented gender).  People will accept you as you present yourself unless there is something in your look or manner that makes them question it.  If you act timid, scared, out of place, they will look at you more closely, trying to determine why.  That's where confidence comes in – so they don't look more closely.

[Thread derail]
Perhaps I believe passing requires more than looks because I can't believe that I pass on my looks alone.  But I do pass.  Perhaps I think that I out myself inadvertently because I will say something and people will look at me like I'm odd.  But I've always been odd and people have frequently looked at me that way.  Perhaps now I see them reading me as transsexual when they are only reading me as odd.  I still don't know how to relate to men as they are used to having a woman of my age act around them.  Perhaps I send mixed signals – both heterosexual woman and lesbian – and the men are confused.
[/end derail – sorry Britney]

Britney, don't sweat the small stuff.  You are lovely.  With practice and continued hormones, you will be knockin' em dead.  :icon_flower:  And being treated as someone of your true gender is just so absolutely wonderful.

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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spacial

OK I've just shown the 3rd pic to my wife, who knows nothign about you or where the photo came from. I just said it was a halloween pic.

She says it looks like a girl who's a bit annoyed or trying to look scary.

On the basis of your photos, I think you look fine. I don't agree about your ridges, your eyebrows, your nose or anything else. I really think you look OK.

But I also really think you need to believe it.

You know, when I was living as female, I forgot I was male. OK, that sounds really lame, I was madly in love and thought it would go on for ever. (I was 18, gimmie a break!!  :police: ). But since I never thougt about it, no-one else did. Or if they did, I just ignored it. Can't please everyone.

And, thinking back, my facial features weren't that diffrent from yours. My skin was still smooth I was as slim as you, or perhaps a bit slimmer. Think we're about the same height, 5' 6" And I didn't really have your hips.
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