It's a great feeling when your friends defend you.

Today, my friend was talking to a friend of hers and I guess they started talking about me, but the conversation went like this:

Her friend: If she was a dude I would think she'd have a crush on you.
Her: (insert female name here) is a dude.
Her friend: ...(insert female name here) is a dude?
Her: -nods-
Her friend: But I thought -
Her: She's a dude, okay? Seriously. Hush.



That makes me so happy. Although I would have liked her to use male pronouns...at least she called me a guy. That's something.

As for my last topic, yeah, I'm not really sure where that's going to go. I've been wearing a bra for the past couple of days. I haven't had any dysphoric thoughts lately, which is very, very unusual for me. Usually I think about it 24/7. Whether or not my trans-ness has gone away, I'll still hang around here if you guys don't mind (there's lots of cis people around here.)

I keep getting this feeling that the dysphoric feelings will come back. If they do, then I'll start binding immediately. After all, my dysphoria tends to leave for a little while, to the point where I'm actually almost or completely fine, and then hits really bad.

Whatever. I'm just taking it as it goes.

Really though, my dysphoric feelings were so strong last week that my friend (ironically the same friend I was talking about above) had to talk me out of suicide. I was going to do it right then when she talked me out of it. I think it's weird how the feelings suddenly went from suicidal to non-existent.


Well, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about in this topic. XD I didn't realize I typed so much. ANYWAY, friends who stick up for you are amazing, aren't they?

I am glad you have a friend like that.    I think hormones can swing and make people feel really down. Sometimes I get the feeling that the sun is never going to shine. Then the next day it is better and I am my old self again. I acknowledge that the feeling has come before and my totally negative feelings will be gone tomorrow. I will see the sun again, it is a cloudy day. (In my mind anyways). Always keep the knowledge that it will be better with another day. NEVER give into the dark feelings.
Your friend loves you and so do we. 

Growing up (13-16) I had a friend exactly like this. I grew up in a some what small(ish) town. I was known, since childhood as a tomboy, and once high school hit, there were rumors floating all over the place. I used to introduce myself in a con-joining town as strictly male, but it didn't take long for word to get back to kids who had known me since grade school, and the rumors would fire off.
Anyways - I was blessed to have one solid friend, who I really didn't have to explain sht to, she just 'got it'. I couldn't even tell you how many chicks, and dudes, she threatened to beat to a bloody pulp, if they tried talking sht about me. I had a group of friends, who knew something was up, but never really gave two fks enough to try to understand. Even though I was a lot tougher than this girl, she always made me feel "safe". I formed somewhat of a shell in those days, because I was stuck. She made it easy to feel comfortable being ME, and not giving a fk what other people thought/said. Cherish that friendship, they don't come along often.

Quote from: Devyn on November 08, 2010, 06:18:29 PM


Really though, my dysphoric feelings were so strong last week that my friend (ironically the same friend I was talking about above) had to talk me out of suicide. I was going to do it right then when she talked me out of it. I think it's weird how the feelings suddenly went from suicidal to non-existent.

NEVER DO IT AGAIN!
Call someone, call your friends, call me or my granny, just don't do the most stupid thing you could ever do.

Quote from: GQjoey on November 09, 2010, 03:15:16 AMI was blessed to have one solid friend, who I really didn't have to explain sht to, she just 'got it'. I couldn't even tell you how many chicks, and dudes, she threatened to beat to a bloody pulp, if they tried talking sht about me.

I had a friend like this during my sophomore year in high school. We only knew each other for one year (I was new to that school, and then I moved to another one for my junior year) but she was easily one of the best friends I've ever had.

One day I had to come to school in business attire for a project, so I spent my day feeling totally uncomfortable in my mom's pink blouse and skirt. Everyone that saw me was like "Oh you're so pretty, you should dress like that more often" and it was awful. Then I get to art class, and my friend sees me and goes "What the HELL are you doing to yourself?!"

I was like, "What, aren't you going to tell me I should dress like this every day?" and she looked at me like I was nuts. "No way! That's not you! And screw anyone else who tries to tell you otherwise!"

I miss her.

It's cool to hear about people who do that even when you're not around.  As for the mood changes, I know that mine shift very rapidly with hormone changes.  I tend to have a day or two of horrible depression and then one or two of bliss right after it each month.  Could yours be associated with something like that?  Either way, I'm glad that you are feeling well now.

Quote from: phoenixflorida on November 09, 2010, 08:00:43 AM
I had a friend like this during my sophomore year in high school. We only knew each other for one year (I was new to that school, and then I moved to another one for my junior year) but she was easily one of the best friends I've ever had.

One day I had to come to school in business attire for a project, so I spent my day feeling totally uncomfortable in my mom's pink blouse and skirt. Everyone that saw me was like "Oh you're so pretty, you should dress like that more often" and it was awful. Then I get to art class, and my friend sees me and goes "What the HELL are you doing to yourself?!"

I was like, "What, aren't you going to tell me I should dress like this every day?" and she looked at me like I was nuts. "No way! That's not you! And screw anyone else who tries to tell you otherwise!"

I miss her.

If you're no longer in touch, try looking her up? I met another girl (through this girl) whom I was also pretty close to. She knew everything before I moved away, and I haven't spoken to her in 10 years (I'm 27 now). I found her on FB a few months ago, sent her a quick little message. Her response was "You look familiar, do I know you?" I gave her a hint, which would give it away, and her response was "OMG, you're still fking HOT - how are you?!" It's good to reconnect with people who stood by you in the earlier stages, and to have them continually have your back years later. I lost a lot of so called "friends" from high school, and the few I didn't, are the only ones sometimes I feel truly "know me", because they watched me struggle. I'm pretty much stealth now - Besides a few close friends, and family, I finished HS stealth and have worked stealth since I was 18. Sometimes it's nice not having to be paranoid at all.

Quote from: Bluetraveler on November 09, 2010, 06:20:42 AM
NEVER DO IT AGAIN!
Call someone, call your friends, call me or my granny, just don't do the most stupid thing you could ever do.

So, I'm going to take a totally different stance on this.
I agree that committing suicide I generally not a good idea. Having experience, sometimes you can't see a way out, and you feel everything is throwing you down. And that's when you think that it's the only thing you can do to help yourself.
However, it's not something you can take back. You can't kill yourself and decide it was the wrong thing to do and say "I'll never do it again". It doesn't work that way.
To tell someone to "never do it again" is unrealistic; you can't control depression very well. And I think to call it the most stupid thing one could ever do is something I believe should never be said. Someone once told me that and I thought  "Oh, well I must be an idiot as well." Suicide is not stupid, selfish, or any other negative adjective you can think of. However, it is sucks when it happens. The thought of suicide makes sense at the moment, but take a chance to think about why you thought that, and maybe you'll realize it's something you really don't want.

Yes, you should try to talk to someone when you're thinking about suicide. But, those thoughts are not something you can just stop.
Once again, suicide is not something you can take back. I like to think that soon, maybe something amazing will come into my life. Then, if I kill myself, I won't be able to experience it.

I'm sorry I didn't express myself well, I didn't mean the feeling of being suicidal, it's hard to stop it if you feel it, but the thought of actually committing suicide. That's what I meant.

But suicide is selfish, you are depriving your loved ones of your presence. You are only thinking of yourself and your own pain. You are ending your life without thinking or worrying about the consequences of your act, because, once done, you simply won't be. I was once contemplating suicide actually, but the thought of my loved ones, especially my sister and what she taught me, just made me snap out of that dangerous mindset. You are also killing your chances of having a happy future, forever. I'm not saying everyone contemplating suicide is stupid/worthless/rubbish etc., but the act itself is. Pardon me, how is suicide not a stupid move? 

EDIT: So yeah Devyn, I didn't mean you are stupid or worthless. I'm sorry I might have come across as harsh and brash. No one is worthless, every life has its value and life can bloom even in the harshest of places, if you know where to look for it. That's what I think.
And again, I'd recommend reading Phoenix: Karma by Osamu Tezuka: it's the story of a man who you'd think was screwed over from the very beginning and instead ended up as a saint. http://www.amazon.com/Phoenix-Vol-Karma-Osamu-Tezuka/dp/1591163005

The author's motto basically was : "I love the earth and all creatures on it."

Just wanted to add, Devyn, I'm glad you're still sticking with us. Don't leave us please 

Quote from: Devyn on November 08, 2010, 06:18:29 PM
It's a great feeling when your friends defend you.

Today, my friend was talking to a friend of hers and I guess they started talking about me, but the conversation went like this:

Her friend: If she was a dude I would think she'd have a crush on you.
Her: (insert female name here) is a dude.
Her friend: ...(insert female name here) is a dude?
Her: -nods-
Her friend: But I thought -
Her: She's a dude, okay? Seriously. Hush.



That makes me so happy. Although I would have liked her to use male pronouns...at least she called me a guy. That's something.

As for my last topic, yeah, I'm not really sure where that's going to go. I've been wearing a bra for the past couple of days. I haven't had any dysphoric thoughts lately, which is very, very unusual for me. Usually I think about it 24/7. Whether or not my trans-ness has gone away, I'll still hang around here if you guys don't mind (there's lots of cis people around here.)

I keep getting this feeling that the dysphoric feelings will come back. If they do, then I'll start binding immediately. After all, my dysphoria tends to leave for a little while, to the point where I'm actually almost or completely fine, and then hits really bad.

Whatever. I'm just taking it as it goes.

Really though, my dysphoric feelings were so strong last week that my friend (ironically the same friend I was talking about above) had to talk me out of suicide. I was going to do it right then when she talked me out of it. I think it's weird how the feelings suddenly went from suicidal to non-existent.


Well, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about in this topic. XD I didn't realize I typed so much. ANYWAY, friends who stick up for you are amazing, aren't they?

That's really awesome of your friend!

And you don't have to necessarily always have dysphoric feelings to be trans.  I have them at random times, but generally I have no issue wearing bras (outside of comfort--I don't like because of comfort issues) or girl clothing or doing things girly (I swear, once I transition, I'm going to be the girliest dude you will ever meet. xD) 

And I hope you stay!  I'd love it if you stayed!   Your posts are fun and you're friends/family now!

Quote from: GQjoey on November 09, 2010, 01:25:22 PMIf you're no longer in touch, try looking her up?

Every so often I'll search her name, but I never come up with anything. Then again, I don't really find that strange, seeing how my name only brings up one website, and that's a family member's blog. She and I had the same general idea about putting personal information on the internet. She didn't have her own phone, either, so as far as I know I'll never see her again. I hope that's not the case.

it's definitely an awesome feeling when you have people in your life who have your back! that's how you truely know that you have an amazing friend or family member in your life!

I remember a few situations before I started T, one of my friends would jump all over someone if they didn't call me Parker or use male pronouns! haha I love her, she is seriously an awesome friend!

That's awesome Devyn! It's great to hear nice stories like this. I would love to: 1) have friends; 2) have them support me.

Quote from: niamh on November 10, 2010, 01:56:51 PM
That's awesome Devyn! It's great to hear nice stories like this. I would love to: 1) have friends; 2) have them support me.

Naimh I know it isn't quite the same but you do have friends who support you here.

Devyn: I'm glad you have a friend like that My ex was the same way when someone wouldn't call me he or Alex (Michael now). When she left my mom stopped using the right pronouns so it's good that you noticed and took time to appreciate it I understand the pain of dysphoria but I hope the dysphoria doesn't cause you to consider suicide again. We all would miss you on here and from what I have read of your posts you are an amazing person who I am sure has a lot to bring to the world.

Michael Alexander, you said everything so right! We are all friends here and when anyone feels bad we care. Suicide is not something to consider. We would miss your posts and we all need you. Thank you for being a part of Suzans.

Quote from: Mrs Erocse on November 10, 2010, 04:44:48 PM
Michael Alexander, you said everything so right! We are all friends here and when anyone feels bad we care. Suicide is not something to consider. We would miss your posts and we all need you. Thank you for being a part of Suzans.

Yah, I agree. No one should have to feel so hopeless.

I have a friend who supports me totally on my decision to finally accept my TRUE gender. If it wasn't for her I doubt if I would ever have had the courage to go for it!

It really is a great feeling when you have friends that support you, and I'm so glad you didn't go through with the suicide attempt. Coming from someone who's been there and done that, it's just not worth the guilt and stress that comes along with it. I strongly believe in the quote, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." If you can fight through the dysphoric feelings you have now, then you'll be able to transition one day and blossom into someone greater than you probably are now. But if you commit suicide, you'll never be able to transition. So yeah, continue to fight through the hard times. I know you can do it.

And now that little tangent is over with, I'm blessed with friends who support me to the end. They call me by male pronouns and my right name and it's just wonderful. Words cannot express how grateful I am for them.