The most important thing to remember, as some have already said, there's no specific timeline.
Psychologically, I think imposing a timeline onto something of great magnitude makes it that much worse if for any reason the timeline isn't going according to schedule. Also, putting internal demands onto yourself, such as, "I HAVE TO do this", can be more detrimental than motivating.
When I started to figure those two things out it made a big difference in my overall outlook. I was putting a lot of personal demands onto myself and every time I didn't "live up to" those demands it crushed me that much harder. It took me a long time to modify the self-talk that was going on in my mind. When I started paying attention to it, I had been making about 30 demands on myself (using language like "I have to do .... whatever") before I even ate breakfast in the morning. It's still an on-going process for me to curb demands.
One of the ones I struggled with a lot in regards to gender was, I have to look more male. I started to question that. Why do I have to look more male? My initial answer was, well because that is who I am. After exploring that further I realized how closed-minded that answer was. Gender does not define who I am. Also, other people's standards of "male" do not define who I am or even whether I am male or not.
I hope no one takes this next bit the wrong way and I'll try to explain it as I feel about it personally - not as if it should be applied to everyone here. No matter how much I want fully functioning male equipment, it's never going to happen. Medically, right now, it doesn't even exist in the realm of possibilities. Until science comes up with a way to grow a penis, it just isn't going to happen. I don't want to start an argument about bottom surgery here. I'm just stating a fact as I see it. It's how each person individually comes to terms with that fact that's important. For one thing, having a fully functioning penis should not define a person either. People aren't defined by their genitals. Sure, having one would be fun and form a more complete overall comfort level in that it would enable the body to match what's in the mind, but if it's out of the realm of possibilities than you have to make your own decisions on what your compromises will be to fully enjoy your life. For some, having a surgery is the ticket. For others, having an artificial accessory (aka an artificial penis - not attached to you permanently) is the key. For still others what's between their legs doesn't even matter to them. It usually will take some experimenting to determine what makes you feel better and more complete. If you do nothing but focus on the bad things - the "shortcomings" - the ways in which you don't fit someone else's standards - then you most likely will never be happy either.
Don't be afraid to question either. It's only through questioning ourselves over and over that we're able to come up with answers. There may be a number of answers.
I hope nobody else takes this the wrong way either but again, for me personally it was a matter of confidence way more than it was a matter of what's between my legs or how society as a whole might view me. If you can somehow manage, in spite of everything, to accept who you are (and I don't mean accept that you are "female") and live your life in the fullest manner possible, then your mind will change. Finding who you really are is different for everyone. For me, I actually had to go back to how I thought when I was a child - before I knew about gender or sexuality. I was simply me. I did not base my actions on other people's opinions. I had the support of my parents early on who encouraged me to be myself. I have noticed over the years how when I didn't have the support of people around me who made me feel comfortable enough to just be myself, that is when I had more problems. Further analysis of those situations led me to think that I was relying on that support - since I had it early in life - in order TO be myself and then realized that to be myself was really quite simple - I just had to have the confidence to do it.
It may seem like I've got all the confidence in the world now, but it's still an ongoing thing. I have a lot more than I used to have that's for certain and I've realized that no matter what body I would have been born into I still have always had the control to be myself (just didn't always use it). I've been able to do just about everything I've wanted to do without restrictions based on gender (or personal restrictions I had placed on myself because I felt I was the "wrong" gender).
I imagine you're 21 now Rainey ... had I realized some of the things I mentioned above when I was that age I'm pretty sure I could have saved myself I lot of anguish. I tried for a good chunk of years to be female, but it was just a mask I was putting on and pretending to be okay with it while it was on. But the conclusion I personally came to was very different from some others. I realized I didn't need to "conform" to an idealized standard. I realized I didn't actually need for society to refer to me as male. I just needed to feel okay with being myself in my own mind. I'm able to function in society and be myself and very few people along the way have given me ->-bleeped-<- over it or even really noticed (example - dressing however I want). I've found over time most people don't notice what you're doing - they're too wrapped up in their own lives to care. If you're family doesn't accept the way you act, or dress or think, you can't sacrifice your own happiness and sanity just to appease them. For me, I circumvented that by not "coming out" to my parents - but simply just dressing, acting and thinking how I felt comfortable anyway. Some may call that a cop out, but I don't think so. I think what it did do is save a lot of drama in the years where I was really torn up about what would make me happy. That's not a decision for everyone though. Many people feel "coming out" to those close to them is the 1st step and that's fine, but if you do that, you can't live your life based on their reactions then - good or bad. You'll find people who do accept you for you, though, and those are the important people to have in your life.
I know that's a bit of a ramble but hopefully it makes sense!
