I am still mid-transition, so I'm sure my answers will change over the next few years.

When I first started transitioning, I thought I would want to be as stealth as possible, move somewhere new where I can rebuild a lot of my acquaintence networks, etc. As someone transitioning in my 30s, with a career, I would never be 100% stealth, but I figured I could keep things compartmentalized anyway (as much of my life is now to begin with).

Then I sort of reached a point where I realized that I have no desire to pretend that nothing ever happened to me for 30+ years of life, no right to ask my SO to lie or re-create the narrative of our relationship and that I wouldn't be happy with myself if I didn't use my experiences, knowledge, and power to help TG people more generally, even if it means outing myself more widely. I also came to terms with how much moving/starting over was an avoidance issue versus related to legitimate life concerns (I've already moved a number of times due to career and personal circumstances). Don't know what the outcome will be. I just know that we'll make choices out of a position of strength, not fear.

The other big change in my outlook from before I transitioned to now is that I have come to appreciate on a much deeper level how much socioeconomics affect being transgender. I am extremely grateful to have a solid education, good career, high quality health insurance and to be in a "DINK" family situation. I always knew that I was fortunate, and I was always vaguely aware of the high (or impossible to some) costs of the various steps of transitioning. Yet that abstract knowledge has now been replaced with a very clear and obvious price tag. I still can't say that I've walked a mile in anyone else's shoes when it comes to the prohibitive costs of transitioning, but my outlook in terms of how far the transgender community has come and how much further we still need to go has changed in terms of seeing how much more work we have ahead of us before all my brothers and sisters can live healthy, fulfilling lives.

I am over 10 months on HRT, I am getting close to 3 months of RLE, so I guess I'd call it early-mid-transition. I used to make the mistake of calling myself transgendered, since I am transsexual.

I know that for me, stealth is not really something I can do; I am resigned to that. I just want to be 'out' to everyone I know, so I can get on with my life, and not have to avoid anyone. Still, I want to be partially stealth when I can.

I've got the same feelings concerning FFS and SRS. I know surgery is not my focus, but it would do wonders for my self-confidence (something I've rarely ever had). I never aimed for surgery, but I consider it a big stepping stone along the way to a better quality of life. I decided to wait at least 9 months on HRT before considering FFS, but I am trying to schedule it for April as of now. When I look in the mirror from the front, everything is not so bad, but from a profile view, I just see very strong masculine features that will not change with time. SRS-wise, I would like to be able to touch my genitals for a reason other than to tuck. Also, I think being able to end my asexual streak would be nice.

My 'manhood' was a poorly constructed idea, and was not real to me. I know that I am a woman, I've been told I act exactly like my female siblings, and I am inherently more comfortable in a female gender role. All I have to do is be me, it's that easy. As a male, I was insanely anxious about everything, but now, on RLE, not always passing, yet my anxiety has disappeared into thin air.

I lived my life under the pretense that I was a heterosexual, but possibly bisexual male. Ummm... that was an absolute failure. Starting transition, I made a point just to go wherever my sexuality went; no preconceived notions, because I've never been very 'sexually' active. At first, I thought I might be lesbian, but just last week, I was talking to this cute guy, and it made me realize I like guys on a sexual level, so I am either bi or pan. If I meet someone who does not identify as male or female, and I am attracted to them, then I guess I am pansexual. In the meantime, I can confirm that I am bisexual.

I know that when everything is said and done, I will identify just as a woman, and not as transsexual. I was once asked why I didn't get involved in the LGBT community, go to gay bars, etc. I just want to be fully integrated into a non-alternative society. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against the LGBT community. My social life just happens to be outside of that community.

All I want is to live a normal life, with confidence, and without the self-hatred. Nowadays, I'm the same person, just very different. Hard to explain.

Well. I'm fairly early on in my transition, I'm starting T in a month give or take a week or two. I've known I was trans for 2 years, and in the beginning, as you suggested, my thoughts on things have changed considerably.

I never intended to tell my parents I was trans, at least not until I was unable to hide my changes from testosterone. My therapist forced me to tell them, and then my family, and then my extended family.. In order for her to give me testosterone. I expected them to kick me out, because my mother and grandma always made fun of transsexuals. My father was very sheltered, I wouldn't say he's homophobic or transphobic, just... misguided. But they supported me, my whole family supports me, my eldest cousin even had me dress male in her wedding two weeks ago.
That's leading me to being unafraid of coming out to people. I came out on facebook for the national coming out day, and no one treats me different. Before, my outlook on coming out was so horrible, I didn't even intend to make friends at college for fear of them finding out my 'secret'.

Surgery has been a bumpy road for me. I'm on again off again. Being with a partner who is also transsexual has had an effect on that as well, because she's not sure what she wants with surgery either, as far as SRS goes. At first, we agreed that we would not get SRS because sex was great and we didn't have discomfort about our genitals that functioned normally. Then research showed that in order to change our drivers licenses and birth certificates, in both of our states of birth, SRS was required. So now we're unsure. The surgery for her is functional physically and sexually, but for me... We'd never be able to have sex again. And of course, there are other ways to gain pleasure that doesn't include sex, but it's different for us for personal reasons. So we're stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

My feelings about manhood and womanhood haven't changed much. I am and always have been a classic, chivalrous, protective guy, and I'm told I was that way even before I knew I was trans. I am everyone's little big brother. I stood between Elaine and her 350lb 6'1" brother when he assaulted us. And Elaine is a classic woman, sort of. She likes girly things, sweater dresses, makeup and gossip, but is also a flute maker and bicycle mechanic, she loves cars and nerf guns and airsoft guns. She switches between girly girl and tomboy frequently And she's always been that way too, just the girly girl part was done privately.

As far as sexuality goes, I feel like I'm more attracted to women now, relationship wise, and men, sexual wise. It was the opposite before.

My outlook on life is certainly different. I've had severe issues with suicidal depression and severe regular and social anxiety. Elaine says the change I've gone through with transition is phenomenal. I don't remember it, because I have little memory of before transition, but I do know the longer I've known and the more I've done to further my transition, the better I feel. I finally go days without contemplating suicide now that T is within my grasp. Elaine told me that I once told her that before I met her, I intended to join the military to die at least with honor. Now I want to live as long as I can so I can take care of her.

I'm enjoying reading everyone's different responses <3

Quote from: MorganSurgery has been a bumpy road for me. I'm on again off again. Being with a partner who is also transsexual has had an effect on that as well, because she's not sure what she wants with surgery either, as far as SRS goes. At first, we agreed that we would not get SRS because sex was great and we didn't have discomfort about our genitals that functioned normally. Then research showed that in order to change our drivers licenses and birth certificates, in both of our states of birth, SRS was required. So now we're unsure. The surgery for her is functional physically and sexually, but for me... We'd never be able to have sex again. And of course, there are other ways to gain pleasure that doesn't include sex, but it's different for us for personal reasons. So we're stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

Wow dude I could have writen most of this about Sevan and I.
Sex is not optimum but we can and do have it. I do not want to lose that intimacy. Sevan being trans also makes it ok. Ze understands why and how I tick. I do not need to explain why I react a certain way.
I will admit that if I wasn't with Sevan SRS would be the first thing on my to do list and I do feel somewhat shortchanged that I will not get SRS but like I said... the intimacy that we have I do not want to loose. It would be a better situation if Sevan had the penis and I had the vagina but it isnt that way so we work with what is there.
It has taken alot of mental algebra to learn to deal with it but I am slowly finding that place where it can be feminine to stay as is downstairs. As it stands my body and face are becoming female looking and people are treating me like a girl. So thats really the bigger part of the battle anyways isn't it?

Quote from: cynthialee on November 21, 2010, 05:44:08 PM
Wow dude I could have writen most of this about Sevan and I.
Sex is not optimum but we can and do have it. I do not want to lose that intimacy. Sevan being trans also makes it ok. Ze understands why and how I tick. I do not need to explain why I react a certain way.
I will admit that if I wasn't with Sevan SRS would be the first thing on my to do list and I do feel somewhat shortchanged that I will not get SRS but like I said... the intimacy that we have I do not want to loose. It would be a better situation if Sevan had the penis and I had the vagina but it isnt that way so we work with what is there.
It has taken alot of mental algebra to learn to deal with it but I am slowly finding that place where it can be feminine to stay as is downstairs. As it stands my body and face are becoming female looking and people are treating me like a girl. So thats really the bigger part of the battle anyways isn't it?

I completely agree, Cynthia. I think the point of transition is to live as you feel you are. I can live as I am with the genitalia I was born with, because only my partner is ever going to see it if I can darn well help it. As you said, people are treating me as a male and that's all I really care about at the moment.

It has been just unbelieveable how my outlook has changed on nearly everything since my transition was complete. I was reared with 3brothers, could never understand girls obsession with shoes, hair and makeup, I thought I understood men, after all I lived as a guy first 16years of my life, I definitely never thought Id marry a guy. I was a serious reader and more a serious person.
Since I transition, Im more of a ''bubblely person'' I laugh more, I read more fashion, gossip and cookery recipes magazines, I was very serious and inward looking as a guy, certainly no interest in cooking. Im now more outgoing and bubblely as a woman and I love cooking new recipes for my Husband. Im a different person, but a better person all round. I also developed ''women's obsessions'' yes I adore shoes, Iv over 60pairs, slingbacks, heels etc etc don't get me going on hair and makeup, Im totally obsessed, so much so, when I got married in August I had lip fillers to get pouty lips for my wedding, never tolded my Husband, he wouldnd understand.
I was slow to get srs, nevous of the surgery, but finally had my srs surgery in 1985, after the healing period Id no regrets, Iv a completely different outlook to my brothers now, Im a better and happier person and a better outlook on life as a woman.

Pauline

Quote from: Helena on November 06, 2010, 04:39:40 AM
My outlook on life is generally a lot more positive...all of a sudden i feel like i have a future stretching ahead of me, rather than a stint in a grey dreary prision cell that would slowly leech every last bit of my sense of self from me. If i'm honest i'd pretty much got to that point anyway...I just didn't know who I was any more and couldn't maintain the act any more.

I always knew i was a woman, really from the onset of puberty but spent so long trying to cope with it or make it go away but now i've truly accepted it I feel a lot happier, and it's noticeable, people keep on telling me how happy I look. I know it's the right choice for me, and I'm truly happy that I had the strength to make that decision rather than take the only other way out.

Making a right decision is difficult , I am sure that your choice is right. Be confident. I am sure that you will have a great future.