^_^ I agree with the perception. I have had to shout at people to try and get their attention sometimes. We tend to tear ourselves apart more than others do, and a good part of that is we expect other people to need more from us than they really do.

By the by, I've done retail for 3-4 years now, had a couple of people buying opposite gender clothing. Me and my coworkers never make a deal out of it, since it doesn't really matter. I've only had one person mention it to me, and they were 16, so...just don't get a teenage cashier

I have been transitioning for almost 5 years now and I still have days like you have had. Like others have said we are our own worst critic. I still look in that mirror and more often than not I can pick out that boy I was. Remember that you are gradually becoming the who you really are. Let that woman shine through and people will respond. You can do this, I know it seems helpless right now, but things will get better. Just hang in there and build a support network of people that you can turn to when you are going through hard times.

*HUGS* Much Love!

QuoteI wish I was never born.

That is wrong on so many levels.

First, use the subjunctive, "I wish I were never born."
Oops, sorry, I couldn't resist.

C'mon, life can be good.

All this stuff with passing is overrated.
In the very worst case (which is never the case) even if you are 0% passable
you can brave the world by saying, "I'm a woman, end of discussion."

As mentioned before, you are the worst judge of yourself.
Moreover, one month of 'mones is hardly a real test.

You are also going through the same learning process as any teenager,
learning what suits you and makes you look good in clothes, hair, makeup.

Or you can dress as a guy and tell people a female first name and that you are trying to transition to male. They will all give great compliments. Then when you get close enough to passing switch the other direction. 

Hey it works for me 

Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on November 29, 2010, 07:12:49 AM
Or you can dress as a guy and tell people a female first name and that you are trying to transition to male. They will all give great compliments. Then when you get close enough to passing switch the other direction. 

Hey it works for me 

That's actually quite a good suggestion. Hmmm.

hi vibes

I'm sorry to hear that you where  feeling so lonely in the mall.
In the beginning of hrt sometimes it's depressing.
But it will get better in time.
Where I come from they say: the impossible can be done at once but miracles take some time more.
and hrt is a miracle, you'll see.
It's just a matter of time when you read a posts like you've send and you'll say: I have to write this pour girl back, I was there a few years ago and I know how she feels right now.
So, I'm saying, we know how you're feel because we've also been there.Give the hrt a change to do their job  and think about the born girls, have you ever seen a girl becoming a female in such a short time ?
No, also for them it takes a depressing time with slamming doors and saying I hate the world, isn't it ?
Persepective is also a strange thing, when you look into the mirror you'll see all the things you don't like but other people see something else.
Don't give up girl, forfill your dream.
In the mean time you can share your griefs, you're not alone anymore, you 've got friends to support you.

a very big kiss to comfort you
(hope you're feeling better allready)
annette

thanks everyone! feeling better ...

sorry for the delayed reply ... nets acting weird..

decided to do something about the stuff that keeping me from passing...

found an endo lab and doc yesterday who I will be visiting ... hopefully things will go well... (been searching for one for the last 6-8 months but no luck until now...)

also starting laser on face and neck as soon as possible will be consulting docs this sat... (maybe I should have done this earlier... but oh well... )

laser really hurts! So does electro . but It's worth it.  Good to hear you are better!

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 28, 2010, 12:54:18 PM
SSDD, Vibes.  I think we all have been there.  Mall meltdown.  When I was beginning I never went to the mall.  I shopped online and at thrift stores.

It does get better.  You will see.

See?  All of us have these kinds of days.  Lord knows, I certainly do.  Janet passes very well, I believe.  I do not pass well at all.  She looks great.  I look like s--t.  Face gives me dead away.  No, I don't need FFS, but the shape is all wrong, and it's too masculinized.  Having a nose like Jimmy Durante doesn't help any either.  Lastly, due to an economic setback, I've not been able to be consistent at L.A. Fitness, so I'm NOT in the usual good shape that I prefer. 

Bummer, but that's life.  Hang in there, girl!  Things have a way of working out.   Best to you!

Mall?  Did somebody say mall?  The mall is my natural habitat ... let's go!