Hmm, interesting thread, I'll think out loud what I feel about this right now. This might change
Excuse me for a long post again... my compliments to those of you who read it all through >
I think I can definately call myself a bigendered androgyn, because sometimes the man in me is upfront and sometimes it's the woman in me who is upfront. At the same time I see myself being double gendered, but I also see myself as one person. This contradiction is in many things I feel, think, experience. Yin-yang, the one doesn't exclude the other, it is not one ór the other but one ánd the other for me. Even if there are times that it feels like one is more in control then the other.
I do feel strongly that there is a centre between the two. This center is ME, and it is double-gendered. From this centre, I can see what's going on at the time, if it's the man or woman in me who has the most influence. It gives me the ability to walk in two worlds, and the more I get to know myself and those two genders in me, the more I have control and can use those different genders in me. For example, sometimes I need to be very feminine sensitive, and I choose there and then to let the female in me do 'her' job. On other moments I really need the man in me!
(In this sentence I write:" 'her' job" or I can write: " let 'him' do the talking", but actually I am
one. Yes, two or even three in
one, but still I am
one. Again, for me it is yin yang, one and the other.)
I think this subject is very complicated because we don't really know how it works biologically. I myself am convinced that androginity is something that is primarily a biological thing, but it has great effects on our psyche. Because both body and soul work together pretty close, both will have an effect on the other.
Carl Yung was teaching about the male and female side in all of us, every male has the archetype of the woman in him, and vice versa. The animus and anima. Does that mean that being bigendered has got something to do with the psychological imbalance between the two? No, I don't think that this is the case for people who are truly androgyne/bigendered. I think that, talking about myself here, this is something that is in my body, my brains, that I was born with. Not a psychological 'disfunction'.
But, at the same time, it is something very complicated that I have to learn to live with. For me that is not something I don't like, actually the more I know myself, the more I see the benefits from it.
In most shaman cultures it where the androgynes who where educated to be a shaman. That is not for nothing, that is because we do have the ability to walk and understand both worlds. But the thing is, that in our culture it is not an accepted thing and people tend to believe that we are nuts.
Well, nuts or not, I have to deal with ME here, and live with my both sides. And yes, sometimes both sides have their conflicts.
For me, personally, if I would devide myself in two almost seperate people, I would loose control because I would loose my centre. This is purely speaking for myself here, I don't know how that is for others. So even if I definately do experience it like sometimes the man is most on the foreground and sometimes the woman is more to the foreground, I always have the double gendered centre that is me. If I loose that centre, I loose myself and my ability to be in controll. This doesn't always mean that I can control it, when my hormones rage then that's me ->-bleeped-<-ed hahaha, but anyway it gives me control and/or understanding to a certain point.
So, what do I actually want to say with this?
eh.... eh... ah yeah, for me, I feel I get out of balance whenever one of my sides is trying to push the other side away. I recognise these states in which one wants to get rid of the other, but that never makes me feel good. If it makes me feel bad, I know I do something wrong there. For me it is important to learn to live with the both genders (actually with the 3 genders) inside of me. Making one the enemy is making myself into the enemy. Because in the end, they are all me.
I can't say how that is for others here. We are all different, but we also have something pretty special and beautifull in common. Our ability to walk in the world of both genders. It's not an easy task to accept that, to accept both (or all three) sides in us, to feel not nuts. Society doesn't exactly help in that, and sometimes I feel that we are forced by others to make a choice. I don't want to make a choice, I feel very complete with the two genders in me! I do believe that if we go in war with ourselves, we have to face the most horrible enemy there is. But the more we know ourselves and learn to use our sides, the more complete we are as one person. And yes, sometimes the one is in the way of the other. For me, that is an internal conflict. And I feel the most warm and complete when there is at least some understanding between the two/three sides in me. Opposites bound to one centre. Me.
