Ever heard the term "people know people who can help?"  This is from the notion that if I go to a support group I'll find someone who knows someone else who can help me out with the surgery situation.  I know I don't know anyone like this, so how about the rest of you.  I'm trying to put this issue to rest insomuch as I've at least explored the option of networking.  I figure what better than a site with a much larger pool of people than any local support group?

So do any of you have anyone who has helped you reach your surgery goal or are you, like me, financially on your own? 

I'm not sure what your implying?

A sugar daddy/mommy whom pays for your surgeries?

Or some charitable trust?

Though i live and work and pay taxes in the UK, i've not had any assistance from the NHS apart from dispensing my HRT which i also pay for...

All my surgeries have been saved for, financed and paid by me?

A lovely thought though to have a 'mystery' benefactor for sure....

Good luck with that.....

Basically my mom thinks I need to go to a support group for my "transness" because someone in the group will know about some sort of magical organization that exists to help out the transgendered.  It's flawed logic know but it's not my own.

What you WILL find at a support group is people who care, who will listen to you, and who will know about other resources you can utilize.  At least that's been my experience.  Just having people to talk with, who know where you're at because they've been there too (or are there right now), is extremely helpful.  You never know what sort of help you'll find by reaching out.  Financial?  Maybe not, but emotional and practical, for sure.

Depending upon how much your were taught at school, about finance and raising capital, you might find people who can advise you on this.

I will make a word of caution.

In the last 20 or so years, there appears to be a greater emphasis upon borrowing. This is a serious mistake. Borrowing should only be used for capital finance which can show a return. Using borrowing for lesser degrees of spending is a sure road to bankruptcy.

That won't help you or your family.

I realise it's difficult and the agony of having to wait is intolerable. But just like your decision to change in the first place, it needs to be done with caution, careful thought and planning.

To me, a support group can be valuable because 1) it is an accepting environment, 2) you find out that others are struggling with the same issues and many have it worse than you, and 3) they can answer some of your questions.  I found this very valuable, but not monetarily.  Try one near you and see how it goes.

- Kate

@ Spacial....

*Using borrowing for lesser degrees of spending is a sure road to bankruptcy.*

You'll enjoy this.....



And I apologise in advance for flipping off topic for a wee while.....lol

Maddie,
From your last few posts, there's kind of a theme of you looking for someone to bail you out. You've got to bail yourself out. There's nothing wrong with receiving help, but help is more likely to come once you've taken your own steps. I'm assuming you're looking for SRS? Well, get ready for it. Save up what little you can, get your papers in order, do your research, and then help will arrive. But you've got to do everything you can with what you've got now first. There's nothing wrong with being broke and being unable to afford SRS. We've all been there. But take steps. Get ready. Do everything you can and life has a way of getting you what you need.

to Spacial,
While in the great general sense I would agree with you, I think your statement is just a bit extreme.  Suppose you or your wife needed a heart transplant or new liver?  Certainly, sustaining life itself would seen to be a valid reason for a loan.  Perhaps, for some, a neovagina or ffs would fall into the same category.   It is, I agree, a decision not to be made lightly.  I would definitely stay away from the companies that specialize in medical loans that get pushed in some doctor's offices.  Some run 15% or more.   

I've taken pretty much all the steps there are short of the final financial hurdle.  I've seen a therapist to get cleared for it, been full time for about a year and a half so far and I just want to do this so I can get the other bits of my life on track such as getting a car that isn't falling apart.  And remember this whole "people know people" is my mother's idea.  She seems to think I have no right to be frustrated by my financial situation until I've explored all the networking options available to me.  I'm simply putting this out here to say "why yes I have in fact explored that option and no there is no such thing as the magical organization which can raise money for people like me." 

And as far as emotional support goes I'll pass on it.  Sure it's great to know that the people I know in my life approve of this but I'd still be doing it if they didn't.  In fact if they hated me for it, such a thing would probably strengthen my resolve simply out of spite.  This isn't some sort of "oh my boyfriend broke up with me and now I need a shoulder to cry on until I can get over it" situation.  I will do this on my own as I have been.

Quote from: Cruelladeville on December 06, 2010, 05:10:50 AM
@ Spacial....

*Using borrowing for lesser degrees of spending is a sure road to bankruptcy.*

You'll enjoy this.....

And I apologise in advance for flipping off topic for a wee while.....lol

Thanks for that. It's an intersting point of view.

But National finance is very different from personal.

I'd rather not get into a debate about national.

With personal finance, we need to identify different  types of spending.

Capital spending is, generally, that which creates more wealth. If a car is necessary to earn your living, then it can be considered capital, but only when it is just sufficient for the need.

EG. You get a new job which pays well. But you must have a car. In one instance, a basic saloon is adequate, you only need it for traveling. The cost is recouped by the extra earnings you will get.

If you buy a limo, most of that is not capital. It will take considerably longer to pay it off, plus the additional running costs, fuel, maintence, insurance, so it will take you longer to be turning a profit on your new job.

In the second instance, the new job requires a limo. But the pay is not particularly good so it will probably take several years to repay any loan. During that time, there is the continuing risk of total loss of the limo, through uninsured event, for example, leaving you with no job, no income, no limo and a substantial debt.

That's the principal of domestic finance.

In this instance, Maddie needs to raise a substantial amount of capital for a surgical procedure that is essential to her well being.

If she were to borrow the entire amount, assuming she continues to have a secure and reasonably well paid job afterward, she will be repaying the loan for many years. Those repayments will consume a substantial portion of her pay, reducing her standard of living and limiting her scope for future spending, not to mention, trapping her in her present position.

Realistically, it seems unlikely that most people can assume long term secure employment. Moreover, the realities are that, for someone who had gone through gender surgery, there will be enormous social and psychologocal adjustment.

In this instance, borrowing is, frankly, suicide, always assuming you could find anyone prepared to lend. If you did, they would charge an enormous interest rate, increasing your burdon and destroying your life entirely.

For expenditure such as Maddies, she needs to find another way to raise the finance. Preferably, raising most of it without any recourse to any borrowing at all.

For that, she needs to find some capital project. That is a project which will show a financial return.

House purchase is one. Land purchase, espcially in the US, can be very profitable, provided you are careful where you buy and when.

But sometimes, it can be a case of spending on education or training, getting a decent job and saving up.

Maddie

As tough as it seems, you are simply going to have to pull in your belt.

It's going to take time. That's life. There is no reason why you can't continue as you are, until you reach your goal. You can continu taking hormones and such. You can continue seeing a thrapist. There is no reason anyone need know what is, frankly, private.

But you need to be caucious and to think carefully. This is suppose to be the start of your life. Not an ntry into a financial or emotional prison.

I've already made the big educational purchase: BS in mechanical engineering.  Right now I'm paying for a capital investment that should have started paying itself off through a decent career.  And yet I can't help but think that once they do the background check after my interview they realize, "hmm this could be a potential HR issue and that guy over there is just as qualified..." you get the point. 

The whole point of this is that yes I'm frustrated and no there is no one out there to be found through some support group.  I'm doing this on my own and when I finally do complete transition I will owe nothing to anyone.

"hmm this could be a potential HR issue and that guy over there is just as qualified..."

Increased likelihood of HR problems, check.  Increased likelihood of lawsuits, check.  Increased health care costs vs. someone else your own age, check.  Indeed, it would be irresponsible for anyone in that posistion not to think in this way.

As tekla points out, it's a matter of selling yourself.

But sometimes you just need to repackage. For example, 20 or so years ago, I started working contracts. I am hired for a specific job. The rate is agreed. I finsih the job and leave.

I'm not saying this will work for you specifically, but pointing out that presentation and packaging is all important.

Sometimes, also, inventing a professional persona can pay dividends. I discovered that many formen are unsure of their leadership abilities and always on guard for people arguing with them, not doing as they are told. Especially when a job needsto be redone.

I developed a standard response of No Problem. I then do whatever. I honestly don't care what I'me being asked to do, provided I get paid and it's safe.

Again, just a thought.

But Maddie. Always remember, you will succeed. Believe in yourself. This is going to be a lot of very hard work. There's going to be heartache along th way and a load of self doubt.

But just remember, who you are and where you're going.

Are they thinking that I would bring up a lawsuit or an issue with HR?  I guess equal opportunity employers aren't so equal after all.

Are you more or less likely?  Read the rest of the posts on here where "see a lawyer" or "I threated to sue" and the answer is 'yeah'.

Well that's unfortunate.  How the hell am I supposed to find a job with a bias like that?

Look for non-traditional ways to use your degree.

That and....
that guy over there is just as qualified..
"That guy" is a couple of hundred people, half of which have more than a decade of real life engineering experience.  You need to take that into account also.

bye