When I did "pass" (pre-transition), that was responsible for some of the most wonderful and most vexing moments of my life up till then. But always there was a longing, a longing to be...more. More male, more myself. Then I got to a point where "passing" didn't happen so often and caused me pain when it did. I was deep in the closet by then, but maybe my freedom to "boy it up" in everyday life made it easier for me to stay in the closet for longer. I dunno.

Quote from: pixiegirl on December 15, 2010, 11:59:31 PM
And you're definitely right about the relative options, that was part of what I was thinking about. Any serious display of feminine traits from a boy, at pretty much any age, gets interpreted through the 'flamboyent effeminate gay male' paradigm with all that entails, including dragging sexuality into it. Closet up good or prepare to be gaybashed, bullied and picked on are the only options from there. I think, that might, bring into focus the need to transition (even if you don't know it's possible) a bit quicker for MtF kids than would happen if there was an equivalent to 'tomboy' that you wouldn't get beat down for.

I just wanted to say that masculine-presenting females are not immune to the "closet up good or prepare to be gaybashed, bullied and picked on" options.  I went to a high school that was very supportive of the G, L, and B, and I was still harassed for "being a lesbian" all the time.  I think if I'd actually liked girls at the time, I wouldn't have been bothered, but since I've never identified with the term "lesbian," I took it very hard to be perceived as one when it really had nothing to do with my sexuality.  I guess my point is that one is expected to outgrow being a tomboy, and if you don't outgrow that into being a butch lesbian, you're just as off-binary (and thus unacceptable) as those perceived as male who take a more feminine role, so that could be a catalyst for self-identification as FTM in the 16-25 age range, when people are expected to "grow up."

Quote from: pixiegirl on December 16, 2010, 01:41:34 AM
I think maybe there was a bit of a terminology issue here. I guess I use self-identify as the point when you realise you need to do something about it. Realising something is different as a small child.. there is a world between that realisation and getting to the point where you know you won't grow up as a boy/girl or wake up one day in the right body or a magical fix will just happen.

For me self-identify is the point where you know none of that will happen, and realising that whatever you're doing now (c/d-ing,etc) probably isn't going to hold you together forever, and you start wondering about consequences. Thats what I meant.

In that case, mine was later. I didn't start transitioning until 27 (and even then had medical issues that held the surgery and HRT back a few years). I knew as a kid that I should be a boy though (I won't say 'was' because I was a literal child who wasn't exactly up on brain gender.) In my late teens, I came to recognize my mind/soul/whatever was male though. And I thought it was some awesome mistake and I was the only one in the world with it.

So self-identifying as trans was about 27, recognizing my gender was earlier, depending on what that means exactly.

I think that the relative invisibility of trans men has contributed to some trans men's lateness in realizing what they were and finding out that transition is possible. I knew about trans women like Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen way before I knew about trans men--but I didn't realize that I was a transsexual until I encountered a book about FTM transsexuals. I was twenty-six then.

Of course, I had always been a boy in my head. But until my mid-twenties, I didn't realize that my boy didn't have to stay in my head.

Quote from: Arch on December 16, 2010, 06:03:41 PM
I think that the relative invisibility of trans men has contributed to some trans men's lateness in realizing what they were and finding out that transition is possible. I knew about trans women like Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen way before I knew about trans men--but I didn't realize that I was a transsexual until I encountered a book about FTM transsexuals. I was twenty-six then.

Of course, I had always been a boy in my head. But until my mid-twenties, I didn't realize that my boy didn't have to stay in my head.

Exactly.  It never even occurred to me that you could transition from female to male.  And those early public trans women were ridiculed; I don't recall hearing anything positive and all the pictures I recall portrayed them pretty much as men in dresses.  Then there was the whole Bosom Buddies thing (I know they werent' trans, but the media was all over putting men in drag back then).

Jay

I wonder if I'm the only one who figured things out post puberty...

Quote from: Alex201 on December 17, 2010, 12:22:20 PM
I wonder if I'm the only one who figured things out post puberty...

nope
My Sevan was older when ze figured it out.

Quote from: Alex201 on December 17, 2010, 12:22:20 PM
I wonder if I'm the only one who figured things out post puberty...

From what little info I gathered, the actual realization has no age.

Quote from: Alex201 on December 17, 2010, 12:22:20 PM
I wonder if I'm the only one who figured things out post puberty...

you arent alone, I figured out post puberty, I knew for sure at about 18, but I was questioning my gender at maybe 16-17.  I think i figured out later, because I didnt have parents who forced me in the female role, and I didnt force myself into the female role either, I was just me.

Quote from: Alex201 on December 17, 2010, 12:22:20 PM
I wonder if I'm the only one who figured things out post puberty...

Like others have said you're not alone, I figured it out a couple of months before my eighteenth.

I've actually come to this conclusion about myself before.  I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a boy (to me, physical sex was the same as gender, I didn't know any better) but I thought that all "other girls" felt that way too, so it didn't seem remarkable.  If I'd been forced into a female stereotype and learned sooner that what I felt wasn't the norm, I probably would have put two and two together years earlier than I did.  As it is, I didn't have the language or the knowledge to express what I was feeling until I was 19.  So I knew something was up much earlier, but I didn't know what it was until later on.

On an unrelated note: Elijah, your cat is adorable and I want to pet him.

lol thanks farm boy, he is a sweetie