When I posted earlier I was accepted well by my family I neglected to mention that all my life I have been very volatile and insane.
This is the first time in my life where my family have seen me mentaly stable, not volitile and pleasent to be around longer than an hour. (Kinda hard for me to be a nice person as a male, I hate being a guy so bad it makes me crazy.)
I think that this has alot to do with my families acceptance.
If it had been anyone else in my family I am not so sure they would get the decent treatment I get.

Quote from: Helena on December 19, 2010, 04:44:52 AM
It's hard to say, I haven't had any real contact with my parents for the last 6 months and my siblings for nearly a year. They probably think i've lost it slightly but are too polite to say anything. Christmas this year will either be great or a living hell.

I suppose that's one cultural advantage.  Living in the south (US), there is quite the similar attitude here as well.  People might very strongly disagree with you, but southern culture prohibits them from saying anything.  I got a lot of appliances during gift giving occasions the year or so I was on HRT.  I guess that's about as gender neutral as you can get.  Expect a lot of polite conversation and it will likely be "the elephant in the room" if your expereince is anything like mine was.

My parents were rather dead set against it.  Oddly enough, they loved my boyfriend (at the time) and enlisted him to help them save me I think.  Pretty much they fought everything I tried to do and totally withdrew any support.  I think they had the sense that if they shut me out I would come to my senses and stop this foolishness.

Though maybe it had as much to do with me being rather tempertantric (is that a word?) about the whole thing.

@Tammy:  Hey, girl!  Haven't seen you in a while.  How've you been keeping?  Are things going any better for you?  I hope so.  Please update us on your situation.  I've been wondering about you...

Quote from: regan on December 19, 2010, 08:12:30 AM
...Though maybe it had as much to do with me being rather tempertantric (is that a word?) about the whole thing.

I often wonder how one's methods can effect the outcome. If people's opinions are the same no matter how you tell them or maybe not initially but with time as they slowly forget the feelings they had at the time of being told and having a more clear mind they can come to "deal" with it more rationally. Some can just take for ever though. :S
When I told my mum I was on the floor in front of her in tears.. I feel it may of sparked her motherly instincts to accept me and make me feel better.. I don't know maybe that could have the opposite effect for some, unfortunately :/
It reminds me of confrontation and how you go about with your delivery, if you "tell" someone to accept something then they can feel a stronger sense of pulling away or questioning.. where if you lead them into it genitally then they don't feel pressure and that they're the ones making the choice for themselves.

Quote from: Muffin on December 19, 2010, 09:39:59 AMIt reminds me of confrontation and how you go about with your delivery, if you "tell" someone to accept something then they can feel a stronger sense of pulling away or questioning.. where if you lead them into it genitally then they don't feel pressure and that they're the ones making the choice for themselves.

Oohh.. Freudian, or what?  That could be a rather interesting way to break the news, lol!  I know what you meant, though... 

I do think presentation and timing are critical, but sometimes no matter what you do or how you do it, their reaction will be the same, as with my wife for instance.  She is facing the loss of her husband, after 31 years of marriage.  She had grown used to the life she had, and suddenly that life is about to be gone forever, and nothing she can do will change that.  That WILL be scary, and she has to go through a grieving process, and no telling what her eventual disposition will be.  But all along I've been considerate of her feelings, and not forcing things on her, and going slow, and being respectful, and helping with what I can.  In particular, there have been a number of conversations where I've ended up in tears - heartfelt sobs, and she KNOWS they're genuine.  And I think that helps her feel empathy for me.  Certainly she has comforted me sometimes, but I'm careful not to put her in that position often, lest she come to feel manipulated.

Also, I told each of my kids individually, in a private setting, with no time pressures and no chance of being interrupted, and gave them each lots of time to react, and to ask questions, and I cried in front of each of them, also.  Not saying the tears were part of a show, they just happened, but they may have helped in terms of empathy.

So bottom line, I do think timing and presentation are key to acceptance, but not the whole ball of wax.  It's a very complex and complicated thing.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on December 19, 2010, 10:43:35 AM
Oohh.. Freudian, or what? ...

hahahahahahaha >____<

heheheheheheheheheheheee

Quote from: Muffin on December 19, 2010, 09:39:59 AM
It reminds me of confrontation and how you go about with your delivery, if you "tell" someone to accept something then they can feel a stronger sense of pulling away or questioning.. where if you lead them into it genitally then they don't feel pressure and that they're the ones making the choice for themselves.

Looking back on it, that was likely a huge source of conflict between me and just about everyone around me.  I was running around demanding that they accept "the new me".  My current therapist said that, this time around, when I am ready to start telling people a much better approach is "This is what I'm doing and I want you along for the journey".

My family knew that they should accept it but were confused at first.  My brother thought I was rushing into it too fast.  My 74 year-old sister mourned the loss of her little brother.  But they accept it now even though they still mess up the pronouns sometimes.  Their kids are fine with it; I'm now Aunt Kate.

Although my daughter was surprised, she is thrilled that I can finally be me.  Her fiance has only known me as a woman and doesn't expect me to be anything else.  My daughter's other mom (we're divorced) is completely accepting.

I'm luckier than most.

- Kate

I'm only in diagnose but I hope to start with the female hormone blockers soon, say in about 2 months.

mom; had always known something was off, I never enjoyed life in general, I just live because I have to. So she's really supportive and even looking into what transition means. She gives me little pokes like 'you'll sound awesome when your voice drops  '
At first she was like 'please wait till your 30 !' until I broke down on a massive trigger. Ever since then she saw that its already on a late spur, and I am going gaga once in a while.

Dad; hes alright with me wearing and being who I am but I doubt he realizes that in a significant time he's going to have to introduce me as his son, and I will not look like 'a pretty gurl' anymore but a man.
I don't think he gets it. He annoys me greatly because hes the only person who keeps repeating that blasted birthname over and over.
However there is noting he can do, my mother holds the ropes in this household and shes very aware of what I'm not, and why I must (and want to) do this. And frankly between this and 2 years I plan to have moved out anyway.

how the rest of my family feels, they seem 'okay' with it. Not that I care, it is my life, not theirs.

It's hard. I also have bipolar disorder wich makes my dad think that every thing that I do comes from my disease. So he thinks it's some kinda of delirious or something like that. He says he's ok with that but don't realize that I've changed.
My male name? Never said it. "Not untill you have changed it".
I used to live alone (much more easier) but I've been in a mental hospital and since then I went back home (with plans about staying, at least my dad expects that).
The rest of the family, the closers one, just ignore. Total denial!
I really don't know what I'm gonna do when the changes start, like growing hair, deeper voice and stuff like that.
I see my future with no family, at least not this one that I have now. It sounds much less complicated.

My mum has been really supportive, she uses male pronouns and Nathan 99% percent of the time, she lent me the money to go the the GIC the other day and came with me for the first two appointments.

I'm not really sure what my dad thinks these days at first he was very against it and cut me out of his life but a couple of months ago or something he wrote a letter to my mum about the money she owes him and at the end he said he would like to see first name/Nathan so it's progress. I've not been able to get in contact with him since so I don't really know where he stands.

Wife - Sort of accepts now that we are apart.
Ex wives - had nothing to do with me then and don't now.
parents - Both Gone, but Dad would not be accepting.
Oldest Son - Has noting to do with me.  He has been informed by his sister.
Daughter - She is very accepting
Middle Son - Semi-accepting.  He is Mormon, so I don't know how far it goes.
Youngest Son -  Has noting to do with me.  He has been informed by his step-sister.
Grandchildren - I have to think that my Daughter and Middle Son have told their children about me.  Daughter's kids are the oldest and understand better than the Middle Son.  His kids are less then 4 years old.

aww Grandma Janet how adorable. 

You know I've really had a way of isolating myself all my life. Close family were the exception and a few very close friends. My family over all has excepted me, with the exception of one sister.  Sad because she and I were always close growing up. 

As for friends, I came out to one a few days ago on the phone. He hung up, I kinda expected it since he is a Born again Christian.  Just means he wasn't a true friend anyway and I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

I intend to make many new friends in my new life and to enjoy every moment of it.

Hugs all
Simone.

Quote from: Simone V on December 19, 2010, 05:31:56 PMYou know I've really had a way of isolating myself all my life.

That's because until we realize we have to face this, we tend to hide big portions of ourselves, even from ourselves.  And when you set out to hide ONE thing, you have to hide all the other associated things, and before long, major portions of your self are not available.  Kinda wreaks havoc on any hope of intimacy...

Quote from: Simone V on December 19, 2010, 05:31:56 PMI intend to make many new friends in my new life and to enjoy every moment of it.

That's been my experience on this journey so far...

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on December 19, 2010, 09:00:13 AM
@Tammy:  Hey, girl!  Haven't seen you in a while.  How've you been keeping?  Are things going any better for you?  I hope so.  Please update us on your situation.  I've been wondering about you...

So late that i shouldn't start tonight. Hopefully I'll remember to get back to you tomorrow.

Quote from: Simone V on December 19, 2010, 05:31:56 PM
I intend to make many new friends in my new life and to enjoy every moment of it.

Hugs all
Simone.

And you have new ones all ready Simone. BTW the hearing aid looks new technology

I've just had my Bro & Sis in law around to drop off presents. I was looking daggy, no makeup, skirt, jumper the usual knock around the house stuff. He was really surprised, I think he thought I looked like a sex goddess 24/7/365.  No I'm just a normal woman.

Ha, I actually think it got through to him more than going out to dinner etc with Cindy all dolled up. Why would a CD sit round a house looking daggy in a skirt and jumper? No idea, but a woman does, his wife does, we all do (sorry no insult meant to CDs).

Little things that happen

Cindy

So far only my mother's side knows, my grandmother seemed slightly surprised at it but accepted it, she told me that as long as it makes me happy she'll be there to support me through it. My mother, well, her reaction surprised me, I expected her to be at least somewhat surprised, not the case, she started explaining to me how some people are born the wrong gender and asked me what took me so long, so she certainly expected it and even admired she had had thoughts in the past about if she was born the right way herself! Which I actually find slightly humorous because she's always said she's "80% woman, 20% man" and I can recall her saying this since I was a child, I mean, after all, this is the woman who taught me how to hunt and how to shoot so, I guess it kinda makes a lot of sense in hindsight.

My father's side doesn't really know, and I don't plan on telling them yet, I already know how they will react and the only one from that side of the family who would have accepted me is no longer with us, my father's side of the family isn't really that important to me, relations with them have been shaky at best and violent at worst in the past, more less I could care less if they accept me for this or not, they already don't accept me because of my religion, my views on life, my independence, my general personality, my likes and dislikes, the fact I don't let them dictate my life, so, what's one more thing about me that they don't accept? Something tells me they'll expect it but still be against it because "You will always be how you are born and raised." according to them, so eh, hell with them, can do this with or without that side of the family.

The few friends I have, who I'm including them cause to me, my friends are my chosen family, are very supportive, ok, they crack jokes bout it now and then, but that's just how we are, and it's not like I don't crack jokes right back at 'em, after all, if ya can't laugh at yaself, what can ya laugh at? In truth that acceptance and humor helps me through a lot, amazing how much a good laugh can help ya get through the day.

Thngs are pretty horrible for me right now when it comes to acceptance

My parents are in denial and aren't talking to me.  I am 40 years old and live three states away so it's not too bad.  However, my mother and I have always been close and to not hear from her in three months has been hard.

My wife who gave ever indication that she would be supportive and kept hinting at me to finally come out ... has put up a brick wall since I have come to accept it about me and told.  She wants me to tell no one and to get into couples counseling.  She refuses to use male pronouns and won't work with me to come up with a male name.  Doesn't want me to go to individual counseling wants us to do it together.  I had told folks and she was livid.  She told me she doesn't want anyone addressing me as a male around her.

My kids could care less ... whatever.  Esepcially since my son began his transition a year ago.

I am living in hell and miserable