There's a line from Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I've found increasingly appropriate as I've moved through the latter stages of transition:
"I look back to where I'm from, look at the one that I've become; And the strangest things seem suddenly routine."
It's so easy to lose sight of the fact that most cisgender people see what we do as incomprehensible. As much as they love us, close friends, family and even significant others lack the perspective to completely understand what we're about. It's almost like we have to come out twice: Once by telling people that we're Trans and again when we start to alter our appearance. Most can absorb the first round but when they SEE it happening it takes on a whole new dimension... and some just can't deal with it. I had a best friend since age 6 (over 30 years of friendship) react appropriately when I came out to him but once I started changing he left and hasn't spoken to me since. My wife, my partner, wanted a divorce soon after I came out. We're still great friends but our romantic relationship ended as my transition began.
In your wife's mind, she married a man.. period. To gender variant people, love, friendship and sexuality aren't bound by gender. To 99% of the rest of humanity, attraction and gender are very firmly attached. The best thing you can do is give her time to absorb what she's experiencing; It's a transition for her as well. Seeing a separate couples therapist experienced in gender issues might save your marriage. Let her try to sort all this out and give her time. It would be a mistake to assume that she will stay with you unconditionally because you're changing the playing field. Losing her as your partner is a possibility that you have to face.... I know it hurts. I know exactly how you feel.
