Two months ago I posted a question about a guy I was interested in (here), decided to try to hit on him and I'm still at the same point (ok, I have an excuse for taking so long, I was abroad for more than a month), but yeah, a different problem arose. I have absolutely no idea how to hit on a guy, at least not with my level of femininity. The only (barely) feminine thing on me is my look, so I try to dress more girly, but apart from that I have no clue what to do to attract him. We have some level of exchanging looks but neither I or him know whether we are just friendly or is there likeness involved. I cannot push myself to dance flirtingly (actually, to dance at all) with him or to lick my lips or whatever women do, it's totally against my nature. I tried what I usually did with girls, "Can I get you a drink" etc., but this makes him look at me more like on one of his "buds" than on a potential partner.

So, my question: regarding that many of you don't look and/or act feminine, how did you manage to attract guys that define themselves as straight?

I don't have any advice on how to actually get his attention, but don't do anything that goes against your nature. If you do, and he falls for it and you become a couple and whatnot, you will have a hell trying to either keep up with all of that, or you'll go through an even worse hell of knowing you seduced him only through a role that is not you. If you have any respect for him you will feel guilty. I've been there and done that, because I was still in personal denial regarding my actual need to transition.

My partner and I started dating in high school.  I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk, and just asked, "So, will you go out with me?"  I didn't have any idea on how he felt about me, so I suppose I was pretty bold.  Been together almost 4 years 

But I do wonder, why would you want to give him the impression that you're a girl even before your relationship starts?  That might make things difficult down the road.

Quote from: Wraith on January 29, 2011, 06:24:44 PM
I don't have any advice on how to actually get his attention, but don't do anything that goes against your nature. If you do, and he falls for it and you become a couple and whatnot, you will have a hell trying to either keep up with all of that, or you'll go through an even worse hell of knowing you seduced him only through a role that is not you. If you have any respect for him you will feel guilty. I've been there and done that, because I was still in personal denial regarding my actual need to transition.

Seconded.  If you're okay with him seeing you as a girl, then I wish you luck.  However, speaking from experience, things don't go well if you try to wear a feminine mask.  The small amount of time I've spent trying to date as a girl was ruined by a "this isn't right" feeling that just made every moment miserable.  In the immortal words of genie from Aladdin, "Beeee yourself."

I do not plan to ever change sex. Not that I'm so comfortable being female, but the operations, the costs, the work, all the risks you have to take ... they outweight the negative sides. And I also think I can handle it. I would tell him if we would encounter sex problems along the way but considering I don't make a big thing about it, I think he shouldn't see it as one either. The only thing I would like is for him not to expect female traits from me.

I like the idea of just straightly asking for a date, I should sip some whiskey first though XD

I was going to raise the same issue of how it's not really fair to him if you're going to have to come out to him later, anyway, but if you're not planning on transitioning.... I guess it's simpler. Just be yourself. Seriously. There are plenty of guys who like masculine girls, acting feminine is definitely not the key. I stayed far away from straight guys before transition, but still got some flirtation directed towards me, as masculine as I was. Keep in mind, any part of yourself that you change to attract a guy, you'll have to suffer keeping up the illusion for the duration of the relationship or change it back to normal and risk him getting upset about it.

Try some general, gender neutral flirting. Small smiles, compliments, light physical contact (like touching his arm casually). And somehow make it clear to him that you're not a lesbian so that doesn't make him keep a distance of just friends.

We made friends first...
Just chatted, agreed and disagreed, and so on....

And then we discovered, rather awkwardly, that we shared a kink.

And it all went 'down hill' from there. ^^

Talk to him! Show interest in him and things he's interested in. Be yourself! Make him laugh.

and I wouldn't ever lick my lips or dance to hit on a guy lol.

If I was brave enough to hit on a guy I'd probably just talk to him and maybe say he's cute. Compliments! Shoot for stuff "buds" wouldn't say to each other

Quote from: Miniar on January 30, 2011, 07:50:59 AM
And then we discovered, rather awkwardly, that we shared a kink.

It sounds like there's a great story behind this 

Quote from: Miniar on January 30, 2011, 07:50:59 AM
We made friends first...
Just chatted, agreed and disagreed, and so on....

And then we discovered, rather awkwardly, that we shared a kink.

And it all went 'down hill' from there. ^^

Lol. This sounds familiar. Self censoring wouldn't lead to such interesting revelations. I believe with my ex, it went something like... "Leather jackets are pretty awesome." "Yeah. So are other leather things though... like boots, and whips.... wait...." "Whips, huh?" "Aw sh*t." ".... whips are cool. What're your thoughts on collars?" 
It definitely wasn't the only reason we ended up together, but I'm pretty sure it helped. 

Thanks guys and gals for suggestions! Making friends first makes complete sense, so then he can se what he can and can't expect from me ...

Britney♥Bieber, I'm with you on that, I'm also terrified of actually hitting on a guy because I totally lack experience ... so taking it slowly is another way of how I'm going to do this

Well if you can actually talk to him without wanting to shoot yourself, you're better off than me! lol. I get so nervous when I talk to guys, if they're attractive forget it! =[