So I work in a retail store that deals mostly in childrens toys and items, and no matter what I do I can't seem to pass in the slightest; it's my voice, face and figure, the three things I can't change by myself

At least twenty times a day I hear 'give it to the nice lady so I can pay' or something else along those lines, and it's killing me. I've recently been shot down after being so sure I was about to start T (was told twelve months instead of a day later that week) and everything is combining together to bring me right down. I used to mentally refer to myself as male, using male pronouns and thinking of myself as a guy, but now my brain has switched back to refering to me as a girl, and every time it happens and it comes from my own thoughts reflexively, I'm left kicking myself and feeling even more misserable.

I'm just wondering if any of you other guys are in the same boat? If so how do you stop it from getting to you so much? Every time I hear 'thank the nice lady' it makes me want to scream, or maybe hit something. I cracked my knuckles on the wall in frustration/anger in the back room the other day and had to come to terms with the fact that I'm really not coping.

Help please 

Quote from: MaxAloysius on January 30, 2011, 01:58:22 AM
but now my brain has switched back to refering to me as a girl, and every time it happens and it comes from my own thoughts reflexively, I'm left kicking myself and feeling even more misserable.

Oh gods, I somehow thought I was the odd one out for doing that. It's a freaking pain

I've only seen a gender psychologist since august, but around here the rule is to be in therapy at least 12 months before HRT, and I hear they may extend it with another 12 of RLE if they're not fully convinced, and I have no clue how this "RLE" is supposed to be possible without T. For all I'm concerned I've been in a "Real Life Experience" my entire life.

Try distance yourself to it? Like, it's not really you they're talking to, you just step in for whoever they're talking to.
You'll get there eventually though, just keep the picture in mind of how good it will feel. Stay healthy and strong now and you'll thank yourself when you're there. Wishing you good luck

Find a way to disconnect emotionally. Pretend you are an actor and you have been given a female character to play.

I keep my focus on the future, I know people see a female when they look at me, I can't be mad at that but eventually that will change. Just need to hold out.

If your company knows you prefer male pronouns then just correct the parents, I am a gentleman.

I usually just try to focus on the future, and to the extent that I can while still functioning, I ignore whatever is triggering me.  You'll get there eventually, just try to stay positive. 

Thanks for the replies everyone. I get where you're coming from with the whole 'look to the future' thing, but I've never been very good at keeping calm.

I suppose I'll just have to grit my teeth and work through it, but it's killing me

I'm in a similar position as you.  For my job, I have to talk on the phone a lot, so people can only judge from my voice and they always called me "ma'am".  I tend to then focus on other things.  Like my homework, whatever is on the computer monitor, how silly the other person sounds on the phone...anything to distract.  Maybe you could try something similar?

I get that all the time at work. It makes me wanna cry. They say something like, "you go girl", and I just wanna cry, but some people don't know I'm tans, so I don't correct them and some know I'm trans but I still don't correct them b/c it doesn't make a different, they never remember to use correct pronouns and I just get sick and tired of correcting people all the time. It's very frustrating.