I shouldn't have taken T.  I should have thought this through more. I just wanted so bad to be a guy and be seen as a guy by everyone that I made a stupid mistake and rushed into it. I don't think I'll be getting my second shot. Acne, downstairs growth, weight gain, are deal breakers for me. I gota find another way to be male.  I'm nervous now about the downstairs growth. I can't reverse that now. I hope I don't get a lot of growth and I hope it doesn't continue to grow. I'm hoping I don't get the acne if I don't get my 2nd shot.  body hair, I'm not sure what happens with that. Does it stop growing, or does it continue to grow?

There isn't a way to get your desired T effects, without T.
No one can say what changes you will experience, probably wont be much though.

I'm actually so glad that you decided to wait this one out.  Being comfortable in your body is TOP PRIORITY.  If taking T will make you less comfortable, please don't take it.

Congratulations, man!  I'm glad that you could do what is right for yourself instead of just going the "typical" route because you thought that was your only option.  I'm proud of you.

Quote from: SnailPace on February 16, 2011, 11:51:51 PM
I'm actually so glad that you decided to wait this one out.  Being comfortable in your body is TOP PRIORITY.  If taking T will make you less comfortable, please don't take it.

Congratulations, man!  I'm glad that you could do what is right for yourself instead of just going the "typical" route because you that that was your only option.  I'm proud of you.

What he said. Sounds like therapy is a good idea. Your prescription should stay good for a long while (should be a date somewhere on the box or bottle) so if you decide eventually that it is right for you it's still there. Just think hard about it. It's great that you are trying to figure it all out. I've been on T for not quite 2 months and just now getting significant facial hair so that shouldn't be a worry with one shot. As for the growth and acne. Well it's possible you might have a small amount. I really don't know for sure but I doubt it will be anything significant. 

Thanks guys.  If I ever decide to get on T again, I would do it b/c I'm with a women who wouldn't care what I looked like, and still liked me even with the acne and body hair.

Quote from: Lance M. on February 17, 2011, 12:08:14 AM
don't worry buddy,  they're definitely out there. you'll find your mrs. right.

Thanks. I hope so.

I have to say though... The thought of not being on T depresses me. I feel really down without it. I feel I'm going nowhere without it. I had these dreams, fantasy that are now crushed without T.

Your mood could be down because of the ebb and flow of T in your system.  I'm not sure how long it's been since your first shot but a lot of guys report a drop in mood if they miss a shot, so this could be a similar physical reaction.  If that's part of it, I'd recommend just waiting.

Also, and I know it's hard a lot of the time, think about the good things.  Appreciate the minimal acne and body hair you have now, as that seems to be something you like about yourself.  You have a lot of options and probably a lot of time to figure it out.  It's no big deal to go slow.

Quote from: SnailPace on February 17, 2011, 12:44:50 AM
Your mood could be down because of the ebb and flow of T in your system.  I'm not sure how long it's been since your first shot but a lot of guys report a drop in mood if they miss a shot, so this could be a similar physical reaction.  If that's part of it, I'd recommend just waiting.

Also, and I know it's hard a lot of the time, think about the good things.  Appreciate the minimal acne and body hair you have now, as that seems to be something you like about yourself.  You have a lot of options and probably a lot of time to figure it out.  It's no big deal to go slow.

I know but the world won't see me as male and that's depressing to me. When I get job, I'll be seen as female, and that's very frustrating to me. No body is going to treat me as male and use male pronouns. At least with T I was on my way. It gave me some positivity in life. Without it, I  just feel depressed again.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 12:57:23 AM
At least with T I was on my way. It gave me some positivity in life. Without it, I  just feel depressed again.

I know you want to be treated as male but the thing is you don't want those other side effects. Sure I don't want to be bald and honestly I find large amounts of back hair disgusting but to me I felt T was right because if I end up bald it'll suck but I'll wear a hat or try rogaine if I start balding and if I get incredibly furry on my back I'll get one of those back shaver things. My point is those side effects if they happen are worth it to me because the things I will gain (facial hair, a more masculine facial structure, and even a male hairline) are worth so much more to me. You have to decide which is worth more to you. Having a therapist to talk it through with can be a huge help.

Quote from: Andrew Scott on February 17, 2011, 01:03:28 AM
I know you want to be treated as male but the thing is you don't want those other side effects. Sure I don't want to be bald and honestly I find large amounts of back hair disgusting but to me I felt T was right because if I end up bald it'll suck but I'll wear a hat or try rogaine if I start balding and if I get incredibly furry on my back I'll get one of those back shaver things. My point is those side effects if they happen are worth it to me because the things I will gain (facial hair, a more masculine facial structure, and even a male hairline) are worth so much more to me. You have to decide which is worth more to you. Having a therapist to talk it through with can be a huge help.

Body hair wouldn't be a deal breaker for me because I'll just shave it off. My biggest fear is the acne, and maybe the downstairs growth... Not sure with that yet. I do want a more masculine structure too. It's a hard decision whether or not to stay with T, cause part of me really wants to so people will see me as the guy I really am. without T they will not see me as a guy.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 12:07:09 AM
Thanks guys.  If I ever decide to get on T again, I would do it b/c I'm with a women who wouldn't care what I looked like, and still liked me even with the acne and body hair.

But then you'd have to think about the prospect of her leaving you a few years into your transition and then you have all of the side-effects that you didn't want in the first place.

Your happiness and decisions are ONLY your own and no one elses!

Nevertheless I am extremely glad you're choosing to stop, take a step back, and wait.

You're worried people won't treat you as male without T?  Keep correcting them when they screw up your name, keep correcting them when they use the wrong pronouns.  YOU decide if you're a male or not....not the testosterone, nor your body parts!  Gender is a state of mind.  For five years I was insisting people call me by my new name and use "he, him, and his" for me.  Yeah, sure, it sucks when people call you "she" and get it wrong.  You correct them assertively (as a trait generally associated with men is assertiveness) and you move on.  If they give you ->-bleeped-<- about it, then you go through the necessary steps that you can take regarding harassment/discrimination.  Stand up for yourself, okay?!  Fer' gosh sakes....I correct people SO very frequently and even if testosterone DIDN'T exist, I would gladly spend the rest of my life correcting people and coming out as trans all the time because I accept who I am, I accept what can and cannot be changed, and I am trans and proud!

Now, I know there are dudes who would rather be seen as male than as FTM, but I know that's not my personal path to happiness because I spent too many years living as a lie (as a woman).  I'd be lying to myself and to others if I didn't fully embrace my trans history, y'know?

I'm honestly not trying to be mean here, but I genuinely want you to feel better about yourself and I'm glad you're going to work on the inside of you first before the outside.  And it's like another user commented: The majority of passing is in your own head anyways.

Hat off to you mate - best decision you've made yet to wait, well done! And definitely on the fix the inside before the outside bandwagon!

I can't help myself I just had a question (or two) while reading these posts - would you not rather a few months maybe a couple of years with some acne and be living the life you want than your current life? Maybe even be happy as the changes change people's perspective of you?

I don't understand how such a minute side effect (its not even a change) and usually not permanent can even begin to weigh in. I certainly didn't want it! But it was never going to stop me taking T. I don't mean to sound like a prick I'm honestly just wondering.

The genital growth I understand - I was really not interested in that to begin with. But again to me that was a small change I didn't like what was there before T – I can't like it any less!! And people wouldn't see - whereas the changes to my face, voice and body fat distribution would allow people to see the man I really am. But as the growth started to occur it actually became kind of cool - I was really happy to finally see my dick grow haha 

You said too if you go on T again it would be because you're with a woman who doesn't care how you look etc - dude this may be only
my opinion here but that again is not the right reason.

I'm done – like I said was just curious my apologies if you've answered and I missed it! And I mean absolutely no offence.  Take care man and I truly hope you find what you're looking for! And make sure your decisions are for you – you can't live your life for other people.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 12:07:09 AM
Thanks guys.  If I ever decide to get on T again, I would do it b/c I'm with a women who wouldn't care what I looked like, and still liked me even with the acne and body hair.

That's not a good reason to start T...
You shouldn't be putting so much value in yourself on how others view you.

You should be figuring out who you NEED and want to be not who others want you to be.
But I'm glad you never-the-less decided to err on the side of caution rather than push through and regret something.

From the other thread:

Quote from: insideontheoutsideThe real truth of the matter here is that you essentially want what you can't have - and that is you want to dictate and control exactly how unnatural levels of a hormone will effect your body.

This is the real problem.  Unless someone has some method to finely tune genetics, you are stuck with what you've already got.  You've got to take the good with the bad.  I can't control how much my fat or muscle changes, or where it changes.  I just accept what the body can give me, because I don't have a magic wand that can make me look like Y person that I saw in Z magazine.

You've got to learn to take the good with the bad.  When I started my own transition experiment (MtF) I didn't know that I would develop mood swings.  It hadn't occurred to me that something like that would happen.  But I learned to live with it.  If I had a way to become female without experiencing mood swings, would I?  Probably.  But I don't have a method to do that.  So I take what I can get.  I'm moody now, yeah?  Sure, but I'm getting used to it.  Do I miss the more collected state of mind I was able to maintain before transition?  Sure I do.  But for every one thing that I miss about my pre-transition self, there are ten things that I certainly do not miss.  For me, every sacrifice has more than paid off in results.  And it is a sacrifice.  There were advantages to who I was before.  But as a whole, I don't miss "him"

Unfortunately, there are lots of effects of T that most FtM's aren't too fond of.  Nobody really likes acne, or an increased chance of baldness.  Some people want downstairs growth, some don't.  Some people want body/facial hair, some people don't care.  For everyone who contemplates transition, it is a compromise.  Are the beneficial effects of hormones worth putting up with the effects that one doesn't want?  That question must be answered by each person individually.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 01:15:25 AM
Body hair wouldn't be a deal breaker for me because I'll just shave it off. My biggest fear is the acne, and maybe the downstairs growth... Not sure with that yet. I do want a more masculine structure too. It's a hard decision whether or not to stay with T, cause part of me really wants to so people will see me as the guy I really am. without T they will not see me as a guy.

Yeah unfortunately people have their own ideas about what is male and what is female. Most people will never take  us seriously guys without the physical attributes that T brings, they may act like they do, but deep down they are like yeah right , that just one of the reasons that push people to go on hormones, its certainly not the main reason, but dealing with people and having to defend your gender everyday can be overwhelming. Anyway its good that you decided to take a step back from T before any drastic changes, I know the physical changes can be overwhelming at first, especially if one is not ready. But i'm just suprised that of all the possible side effects of T (thrombosis,liver toxicity,polycethamia,etc) acne is your biggest fear?, i always thought it was short lived and treatable, i may be wrong. I always heard other transguys on forums say that you cant really choose which effects of T you want and dont want, going on t is a big decision because of the health risks, you have to accept them together with  wanted effects. the good and the bad.

At the end of the day, the decision is ultimately yours, weigh out the pros and cons,whether its worth it or not decide what will work out for you. You can start or stop at any time.

I've been really thinking about this guys... part of me does not want to stop taking T. I went to my grandmothers house today and guess what she got me?  Girl body spray and messages to girls from God, or something like that, but it says messages to girls. This kills me!!!! I have to pretend to like it. She know I'm trans. It's so frustrating when they know and keep buying me girl stuff. If they would see the male in me, maybe they would stop buying me girl stuff. It's kills me inside to the point where I want to continue with T. I can't take be treated like a girl. I just can't take it, that's why I decided to go on T. I want people to see me as a guy. There not gunna see me without it. So I need it.

I haven't experienced any changes, except being tired earlier, which is not a bad change since I need a better sleeping schedule. Sometimes I think  I can deal with the acne b/c I know it won't be forever. Other times, it freaks me out.

I'm actually looking forward to the changes, I'm just scared cause I don't know what I'm gunna get.

I got my shot Tuesday in late afternoon. I don't know when I'm gunna experience any more changes but a part of me really wants to move forward with T so I can be treated like a guy and be seen as one.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 03:50:29 PM
I've been really thinking about this guys... part of me does not want to stop taking T. I went to my grandmothers house today and guess what she got me?  Girl body spray and messages to girls from God, or something like that, but it says messages to girls. This kills me!!!! I have to pretend to like it. She know I'm trans. It's so frustrating when they know and keep buying me girl stuff. If they would see the male in me, maybe they would stop buying me girl stuff.

while I have heard from a friend that me being on T makes it easier for him to see me as a guy, he says that my voice before threw him off, family is a different matter.  if they feel you are a girl, in their minds no matter how masculine you look, they will still see female.  My mom still calls me she sometimes, and my boyfriend who looks as male as possible, with tons of facial hair, his mom still calls him she often.

Quote from: Elijah on February 17, 2011, 04:03:13 PM
while I have heard from a friend that me being on T makes it easier for him to see me as a guy, he says that my voice before threw him off, family is a different matter.  if they feel you are a girl, in their minds no matter how masculine you look, they will still see female.  My mom still calls me she sometimes, and my boyfriend who looks as male as possible, with tons of facial hair, his mom still calls him she often.

I'm okay with family still seeing me as a girl cause I know it's difficult for them. It's frustrating, but I get it. I can see my family always calling me my my real name and using female pronouns for rest of my life. But with my friends, it makes me mad. It's very upsetting to me. I want them to see me as male and use my male name and use male pronouns. I want to world to see me for who I really am even if my family can't.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 03:50:29 PM
I've been really thinking about this guys... part of me does not want to stop taking T. I went to my grandmothers house today and guess what she got me?  Girl body spray and messages to girls from God, or something like that, but it says messages to girls. This kills me!!!! I have to pretend to like it. She know I'm trans. It's so frustrating when they know and keep buying me girl stuff. If they would see the male in me, maybe they would stop buying me girl stuff. It's kills me inside to the point where I want to continue with T. I can't take be treated like a girl. I just can't take it, that's why I decided to go on T. I want people to see me as a guy. There not gunna see me without it. So I need it.

If it shakes you up that bad to be seen as a girl, you should probably steel yourself to continue with T.  In my experience, dysphoria which is that bad doesn't go away.  But you should only continue if you are mentally prepared to do it.  Never force yourself to take T.  If you force a change, you won't be willing to accept the results when they appear.

The other option is to present as a guy without taking T.  If you were to do that, there is a very high probability that you would be perceived as a guy with much less frequency than if you were on T.