I let people know about things that I should have just kept to myself. I was thinking it was better to be open so I could get on with my transition, yet one year will have pasted in March not forgetting myself. I have driven my wife into depression and cause pain to my family just trying not to be depressed. Everyone keeps saying slow down, yet I do not see where I am going fast. For a year that seems to be all that I hear. No one wants this but me, yet how slow is slow. I haven't done anything, but grow hair and dress when others are not around.

As one who kept her mouth shut for most of her life, it is time for you to live for you.  I waste too many years and too much money living for others.

Would you rather be the one depressed, than your wife?  It may be time for you.  Just saying.

that is how I feel to the T. As far as money goes a year supply of hormones and t blocker cost less than $100. Cigarettes cost way mor than that so how is it that I never have the money for hormones. Every thing comes before me. I still feel like I am hiding myself even though I am out    But now I am my family's secrect and not my own.

Nobody wants this...

I don't want this either. But I'm stuck with it. I can try to learn to live with it or solve it. Learning to live with it doesn't appear to be a viable solution in the long run (hearing the stories of others around here and the discussions I had with my psy), dealing with it is the only way out. It does take time, people around you are afraid. Change is a scary thing, very scary, for everyone.

Keeping it to yourself is not a good solution, so I think it's good you shared it. But give the others the time to adapt to it, to assimilate and absorb. Give your wife the time to adjust and follow your own agenda, but be clear and candid about it. My wife has been in denial for a long time, but I continued my process and progress sharing all the emotions and information I had and encountered along the way. Now, almost 6 months later and a couple of weeks shy from HRT she's giving me her support. Not on the record, but informally she "she"'s me with our closest friends.

I'm pretty convinced that the toughest part is not the transition as such, but the managing of the relations that are involved. I'm not afraid to transition, I'm only afraid that I would put my own desires, needs, feelings first. I think the feelings of other should be attended to first and foremost (though they will never move me away from agenda - anymore). Dealing with their concerns implies facing the fact rather than running away and postponing everything.

Just my 2 cents...

NO NO NO!!!

DO NOT EVER GIVE UP ON YOU!!!! NEVER!!! NO MATTER WHAT THOSE AROUND YOU SAY OR DO....... IF SOMEONE LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.....
FIGHT FOR IT

I spent a lifetime fighting this to please others. It wore me down and left me disabled. Stress tears the body apart slowly and efficiantly.

You need to be true to yourself first and foremost. In this situation your needs outweigh the wants of others.

I wish you the best of possible outcomes.

Quote from: jainie on February 21, 2011, 08:14:35 AMEveryone keeps saying slow down, yet I do not see where I am going fast. For a year that seems to be all that I hear. No one wants this but me, yet how slow is slow. I haven't done anything, but grow hair and dress when others are not around.

Yes, you will hear that a lot from nearly everyone around you - SLOW DOWN!!  I know.  The thing is, YOU are the only one who can determine the correct pace for you.  Nobody else has to live your life, only you.  I've been told by other TS's, that I've done in the space of ONE year what most people take TEN years to do.  So?  To me, it still seems too slow.  If I could wake up tomorrow with transition fully done, it would STILL seem too slow.  Meanwhile, you can only go so fast with this - it has its own built-in timetable to some degree.  So, I go with the flow as best I can, make decisions for ME, and dream of a better day...

I've been on HRT for two years, and only just received an indication my therapist will be providing a referral letter for orchiectomy at my next session.  I won't be transitioning any time soon, but I certainly would LOVE to.  What's slowing me down?  Lots of things, work, home, spouse, finances.  But I'm moving as fast as I can make decisions and pay for them.  Right now, that means electrolysis, lots and lots of it.  I fortunately received an annual incentive bonus that should pay for orchiectomy soon.   Everyone has their own pace, and sometimes just making a serious decision requires the longest time.

I'm afraid its like that for the significant other. They are losing you. Its ok to think you haven't changed but the reality to them is that you have because we kept that part of us secret for many years. I eventually lost the battle with my GID and wanted to die. I broke down and cried for hours, my ex didn't know what to do but she didn't want me to die so let me go. Its hard on all concerned. I am however so much more at peace these days and looking back wished I done this sooner. We hold back but in the end its still there and we have to deal with it one way of the other.

Only you in your situation can know what is best, how you feel, how long you want to take. It took me three years from start to finish. If asked would I do it again, yep, would I go about it differently, probably, in the hope that my partner would have still been with me.

Stardust

You have done nothing wrong.  Caring about your wife is excellent.  The problem is the stuff tends to consume us over time.  It causes great anxiety for me and has reduced me to doing nothing.  I argue with myself 24/7.

I do not wish to hurt my wife I just want to stop hurting.  I have not found a solution.  I doubt any of my therapists would give me any restrictions.  I am the only one giving me restrictions.

I think you can do nothing and pine away.  I have seen many people do it.  When I do something it makes my happy.  It is a tough decision.   I have struggled with it for over 4 decades and have given up many things to compromise.  I might transition in the end anyway.  Who knows.  You have done nothing wrong and caring for your wife is admirable.

I was like you once. Doing and being what everyone expected of me.

I had to break past it to be me....and on the other side of that wall is a life I never could have dreamed would have existed.

You can only live your own life, no one else's. Do you believe by not exploring your own gender issues you'll ever be truly happy and satisfied with your life? I'm not suggesting the path you should follow, only you can answer that question. I would suggest taking your time with an open mind, work with a gender specific therapist, and find the best answers towards reaching your personal goals.