I'm pretty sure that my parents would say that I'm mentally ill, completely delusional, if they knew about me. My mother would probably say that I'm violating the laws of nature and her own particular deity. I wonder if she would insist that I didn't exhibit any signs of transness?

My mother is like that. I'm in the process of coming out to everyone, but I actually came out to my mom about 3 years back. She's lesbian and rather open with me so I wasn't TOO terribly nervous. I came out and said it. She looked at me, said, "Okay, yeah, sure you are" and walked away. When I came out to her again a few months ago, she acted as though she was hearing it for the first time (but listened the second time around thankfully). The denial is strong with this one, yes.

I'm worried my dad is going to be the same way, but I've got a bit of arsenal. When I was in the 7th grade my father and I had a month long battle on whether or not he would let me try out for the boys football team. He ended up not letting me because football "is a boys sport." I wouldn't talk to him for weeks. It literally tore apart our household. I can even remember a time where he made fun of me for "crossdressing" and asked me if I wanted to be a boy (mockingly, which at the time i vehemently denied, cause even at 12 I knew it wasn't "normal"). My worst fear is that my dad will go so heavily into denial that he won't see any of this no matter how I point it out.

But que sera, sera. That's a little ways off, and I've got plenty of support otherwise. I'm thankful to be one of the lucky ones, as I've got a great support system.

Good luck to all of you with parents/siblings/friends/anyone in denial. It's a tough place to be in and at times can be very disheartening. Just remember that at the end of the day, the only person who's opinion matters is your own. Good luck on all of your journeys.

also, oops long post. woah sorry for the wall-o-txt.

Quote from: jessman3 on March 05, 2011, 03:03:20 AM
but I actually came out to my mom about 3 years back. She's lesbian and rather open with me so I wasn't TOO terribly nervous. I came out and said it. She looked at me, said, "Okay, yeah, sure you are" and walked away. When I came out to her again a few months ago, she acted as though she was hearing it for the first time (but listened the second time around thankfully)

Dude that happened to me too! Seriously! I came out to my mom like 3 years ago and she just accepted it and was like "whatever you want to do," but every time I tell her or talk to her about it she acts like its breaking news. It's like every year we have a big long conversation about it and every year she just becomes more and more unsupportive and now she is like "its impossible, there were no signs."
She knows what trans is, totally understands it (had a huge talk with my wife about 3 years ago and my wife explained EVERYTHING) she just really doesn't think I am.

....maybe one day.

Being almost expelled from elemental school for stick to go to the boy's bathroon evein with physical impediment of the teachers, having girlfriends when 4, 5 old, having fake GAY role-weddings at 8, going around with a sock in the undies when 10, 12 old, roleplaying always as "the superhero/villain who's going to save/kill the princessss" and not the princess itself, getting chronic depression when The Red Death appeared, start to SI when receiving the first brassiere...getting all the male nicknames as possible and keep using them instead of the birth name.... all those things weren't a sign, right? It's the internet!! THE INTERNET MADE US TRANSSSSS!!! BLAME THE INTERNET GUYYYYSSS!!!
/irony

Sign Sign everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign


(Five Man Electrical Band)

I've heard it was obvious and I've heard it isn't possible. The above chorus always comes to mind.

Quote from: japple on March 05, 2011, 12:46:50 AM"Yeah, but you also played with Star Wars figures."

"Mom...those are dolls."

(gasp) nonono - if a boy's playing with them they're "action figures!"

When I was in the top year at school I was looking after a class of 11-year-olds for morning registration. I'd started turning into a hippy at 17 (basically because it meant I could grow my hair long and wear bright colours - oh, and did I mention the purple beard?) and one of my kidboys in the class said to me "why are you wearing a girl's shirt?" - it was a lilac stripey collarless boho number - so I just grinned at him and said "if I'm wearing it, it must be a boy's shirt!"

Apparently I was a perfectly normal boy growing up...so the obsession with ballet, screaming blue murder if I had to get my hair cut (seriously, I had to be dragged in...by my feet as I desperately clung to the pavement outside), a huge obsession with the female reproductive system at the age of 4, thinking that when I'd get older they'd drop off as part of normal development, the crossdressing that I kept oh so quiet and spending every morning from about the age of 13 wondering why I was still a boy is normal?

Oh but i forget, I liked dinosaurs and planes...must mean I'm a boy then.

I get this from my mom. She's currently reading "True Selves" so I asked her if she had any questions for me. She said there were no signs, so I pointed out a few and then she said "Well, I see signs in middle school and high school, but I don't see it any younger than that." *facepalm*

I'm in this boat.  However, I don't argue this point with her very much because I don't believe that the toys you play with define your gender identity.

But I have had conversations like:

Mom: "Well, yeah, you complained about wearing dresses. but only because they got in the way of your playing, or you were embarrassed because you were the only person at the birthday party wearing one."
Me: "Well, yeah, exactly. Look at the twins [my younger brothers who are quite similar to me], I bet if you raised them in dresses they would wear them, they'd just be annoyed by them."
Mom: "Are you trying to say the twins are GID?! [She won't say trans, she says GID because she clings to the "disorder" title]
Me: "NO! That's not my point at all!"

or

Mom: "Well sure you didn't play with Barbies or anything, we let you play with the toys you wanted, within reason, but that's because we wanted you to be free to express yourself! It doesn't mean you're a boy!"
Me: "By "within reason" do you mean no boy's toys? Because I distinctly remember not being allowed Star Wars toys because they were "for boys".
Mom: "Well, you aren't a boy!"

What happened to 'being free to express myself', hey? I guess I can only express myself if I'm a girl?

I was thinking about this topic earlier and I have to say I think that parents cling to the times when you were fitting the stereotype of your birth assigned sex.  Denial hardcore. 

When I first came out to my mom, she said she cried for a long time, but "not for the reason I'd think." She never flat out told me what she cried about, and in fact, the next time she and I have a one-on-one conversation about my trans-ness, I'll bring it up. But since then, I've thought it was about how she thought she was a bad mom because she never saw the signs. Most parents are so sure that they know their child better than anyone, and they're so set in this definition of their kid that the idea of their child NOT being who they thought they were is shocking and hurtful. It makes them feel like don't know their own kid. So, while it really sucks, I understand why some parents deny their child being trans. I was a lucky one, my parents don't deny it, they "want me to be me".

My mom said that in the beginning, too.. Even though I distinctly remember at age 3 telling her that I wanted to really be a boy. I was obsessed with dirtbikes and soccer and Pokemon and Green Day as a kid. I was way beyond tomboy.

Today though i was surprised by my mom telling me that she did not  believe I was trans; she told me that she knew I was only 'doing it for the attention', and that when we go to my first endocrinology appointment on the 31st, I was going to 'get straightened out real fast' by 'someone who actually knew what they were talking about', and has apparently seen 'a lot of ungrateful brats like [me]'.

I know there are lot of you guys have gone through way worse with their parents, but for the past 4 years that I've been living as a pre-everything FtM, she always told me that she completely accepted me for who I was, and that she was looking forward to getting to know the real me.

I guess she just told me that stuff to shut me up all these years...it was a bit of a slap in the face.

Quote from: r e m on March 06, 2011, 07:50:45 PMit was a bit of a slap in the face...

Yikes. Sounds like "a bit" of an understatement.

Yeah, I was told this. There were signs, but ones that were only evident to me. I am a very private person, and I have been since I was in kindergarten, so even though I felt that there was some nameless thing wrong with me, I never said anything about it. It always works out to my disadvantage; people don't have any "proof" because it wasn't evident to them that I was trans from a young age, and I still have no ability to talk about my feelings with people. 

My parents say there were signs but from what I remember there weren't many.

Either way, doesn't invalidate how I feel now. Transition is a blessing for me.

QuoteI am a very private person, and I have been since I was in kindergarten, so even though I felt that there was some nameless thing wrong with me, I never said anything about it. It always works out to my disadvantage; people don't have any "proof" because it wasn't evident to them that I was trans from a young age, and I still have no ability to talk about my feelings with people.

Mm, yes. Things like this make me really devalue my introversion. People get angry because of my lack of expression, my lack of interest...claim they had no idea X or Y was going on. Well how about this, you have no effing right to know until I am ready to tell you you rat bastards! 

/vent 

i find myself torn on this.
as a little kid, i was pretty ->-bleeped-<-ing girly. i was pushed into pink, dresses, skirts. had long hair, everything that the perfect little girl
hitting puberty. i was miserable. note, this started around 8/9. ditched the dresses in favor of jeans and unisex tshirts
freshman yr of highschool (2 yrs ago, im a junior now) i was... trying to be that tomboy who can still be a 'girl'.
last year i started making the steps in coming out.

*shrug* doesn't matter what signs there  or not there. we all got different baggage different things that make us reperess our personality.

I remember when I was in 8th grade going to the course night at the high school to pick out classes for the next year and my dad trying to get the JROTC instructors to tell me I'd have to wear a skirt if I joined.  Ha on him-- they said I would be issued a skirt and pants and would be able to choose which to wear.  I returned the skirt to them four years later with the tags still on it.  I was also psyched my third year when I hit a little growth spurt and my body type meant I couldn't fit into any of their female uniforms (I wasn't fat like I am now, just very broad shouldered), so they gave me men's shoes (I also have big feet), shirts and a jacket.  I tried to convince them I needed men's pants in order to keep my gig line straight, but they didn't bite.  My gigline was off for the last two years...

I also remember everyone's reactions when I wore a dress to prom (I didn't want to go to prom at all but my mother practically forced me.  I also didn't really want to wear a dress, but I didn't want everyone to think I was a butch dyke-- I was already the only girl in the entire school who wore pants to 8th grade graduation).  Even my teachers were like "*Female Name*!  You look like a girl!".

QuoteEven my teachers were like "*Female Name*!  You look like a girl!".

Hehe. even though I had the long hair and relatively conservative femininity going on, I got a similar reaction when I wore a women's business suit and a wig to class. this one guy looked at me and said "...you look really hot, like, a girl." Needless to say I was sufficiently mortified, but it's funny how people can kinda tell something is off when you hardcore perform a gender that you're not.

one reason I love my parents.  I came out.... they said "finally!"